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Old 02-13-2021, 05:09 PM  
Otter Otter is offline
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Women and Toilet Seats
Last night around 3:30am MST I wake up to a sound that I assumed someone was assaulting my wife in our bathroom It was so rowdy and roaring that even my loyal canine friend jumped up on the bed and pulled me off by my subtle, yet boldly anatomy defining boxer briefs to alert me that there's something awry in the otter abode.

Burgler? Nope.
Natural disaster? Nope.
Alien invasion? Nope

I forgot to put the toilet seat down and love of my life, the twinkle of my eye, the woman I want to be buried with (especially if I die first) went bare ass first into cold toilet water.

Grew up in a house with 4 men; My father, myself, and two brothers and and I sit down to take a dump at lease once a day and in my 40 years taking these movements I've never, not once, went ass first into toilet water.

I assume the toilet is up much like I assume the roads are going to be slick if it was snowing or if I reach for an horderve which has a flame underneath it's going to be hot.

If I forget to put the toilet seat down and you forget to check after 7 years the best answer I can come up with is "You can argue which one of us is more stupid" and I will not agree with you.

/EndMarriedLifeRant

Oh, and welcome to the post season!!!
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Old 02-13-2021, 07:16 PM   #31
FAX FAX is offline
testing ... 1, 2, 3
 
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Originally Posted by Katipan View Post
We all know how to cut the side of a Mtn. Dew bottle.
If what you claim is truthful, you may well be able to test out of our 101 class, Ms. Katipan.

However, our advanced course will teach you the proper pelvic alignment and diaphragmatic focus required to knock over a 1/2 full Pepsi can at three paces.

You will also learn the techniques associated with Rapid-Fire, The Intermittent Staccato method, and Pinpoint Accuracy Under Duress.

Zoom courses are available for your convenience.

FAX
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Old 02-13-2021, 07:20 PM   #32
stevieray stevieray is offline
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Originally Posted by FAX View Post
The Intermittent Staccato method, .

FAX
This has always been a fav of mine.

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Old 02-13-2021, 07:31 PM   #33
mlyonsd mlyonsd is offline
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It's going to be a long off season.
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Old 02-13-2021, 07:37 PM   #34
Jewish Rabbi Jewish Rabbi is offline
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I always put the seat and lid down because I respect my bitch. Drives me crazy when she doesn’t put the lid down.
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Old 02-13-2021, 07:40 PM   #35
Otter Otter is offline
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I wonder if rudimentary AI device can create a situation where it detects who is coming into the room be male or female and give in Hal 2001 Space Odyssey voice a preventive warning.

Male: Good evening, Sir. The toilet seat is up and ready for upright urination.

Female: Go evening, Mam, the toilet seat is in an upright position and you should be cautioned.

Did I just invent the new millioin dollar idea?
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Old 02-13-2021, 07:49 PM   #36
Hog's Gone Fishin Hog's Gone Fishin is offline
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Originally Posted by Hydrae View Post
This is simple. Men lift and lower the lid and the seat when they piss. Women lift and lower just the lid when they piss. Either way, when ANYONE is done using the toilet the seat and lid should be closed. And they should expect to lift some portion of the liftable apparatus when using the toilet.
This is bullshit!
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Old 02-13-2021, 08:04 PM   #37
Easy 6 Easy 6 is offline
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Originally Posted by morphius View Post
I always close both the lid and seat...

Sent from my motorola one action using Tapatalk
Damn right you do, ya castrated gimp!
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Old 02-13-2021, 08:09 PM   #38
digger digger is online now
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Old 02-13-2021, 08:11 PM   #39
Otter Otter is offline
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Originally Posted by morphius View Post
I always close both the lid and seat...

Sent from my king kong, super vibrations, spiked dildo my wife made me buy for her while I sobbed in one action using Tapatalk
Fixed
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Old 02-13-2021, 08:45 PM   #40
FloridaMan88 FloridaMan88 is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Otter View Post
I wonder if rudimentary AI device can create a situation where it detects who is coming into the room be male or female and give in Hal 2001 Space Odyssey voice a preventive warning.

Male: Good evening, Sir. The toilet seat is up and ready for upright urination.

Female: Go evening, Mam, the toilet seat is in an upright position and you should be cautioned.

Did I just invent the new millioin dollar idea?
Kohler Smart Toilet with Amazon Alexa...

Link: https://www.smarthome.kohler.com/sma...-toilets-numi2

Quote:
Welcome to a whole new world of intelligent. Numi 2.0 with KOHLER Konnect is Kohler’s most advanced toilet, giving you the freedom to set every detail to your personal preferences — from warm-water cleansing and a heated seat to ambient lighting and air freshening. With built-in Amazon Alexa, Numi 2.0 lets you create your ideal environment with only the sound of your voice.

The KOHLER Konnect app lets you create personalized presets for each person in your household. Enjoy your preferred temperature, cleansing pressure and ambiance, every time you use the bathroom.

Take clean to the next level. From UV sanitization to automatic flush and hands-free seat closing, every element of Numi 2.0 is designed to leave you feeling refreshed and comfortable.
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Old 02-13-2021, 08:49 PM   #41
Katipan Katipan is offline
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What compels a male to kick back for 30 minutes to poop but not to kick back to pee?
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Old 02-13-2021, 08:53 PM   #42
Otter Otter is offline
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Originally Posted by Katipan View Post
What compels a male to kick back for 30 minutes to poop but not to kick back to pee?
Less travel from position to destination and what you're passing. Come Katipan, tha't like saying why isn't childbirth like taking a poo.
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Old 02-13-2021, 08:53 PM   #43
Katipan Katipan is offline
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It's going to be a long off season.
I’m having a hard time with the NFL’s concussion protocols.
It’s making me struggle with football.

I should do something about it.
But I really like getting high and sitting too.
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Old 02-13-2021, 08:54 PM   #44
vailpass vailpass is offline
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Man,I’d get up in the middle of the night and piss all over your bathroom
sec
Indeed.
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Old 02-13-2021, 08:54 PM   #45
Katipan Katipan is offline
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Less travel from position to destination and what you're passing. Come Katipan, tha't like saying why isn't childbirth like taking a poo.
4 kids and I still have no idea what that feels like.
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