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04-07-2020, 05:59 PM | Topic Starter |
Suupraa Geniuuusss
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Phoenix, AZ
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Corona humor
As we enter yet another week of the American Pandemic or whatever, I thought we could lighten things up a little, so without further ado, a few zingers . . .
"Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem. I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator. Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom. Home-schooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job. I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot. So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them? Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business. My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet. Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat. I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear? I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to ‘’Puerto Backyarda’’. I'm getting tired of ‘’Los Livingroom’’. Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun. Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended. Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under…." |
Posts: 30,271
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04-07-2020, 06:09 PM | #2 |
MVP
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: HERMOSA BEACH,CA
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THE BUG BOAT - I tried to link it but a 404 error message appeared.
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Posts: 13,586
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04-07-2020, 06:25 PM | #4 |
pie is never free
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: the drivers seat
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I’ve literally drank Corona’s, in Corona CA... true story
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Posts: 92,068
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2 0 |
04-07-2020, 09:42 PM | #5 |
Suupraa Geniuuusss
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Phoenix, AZ
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Posts: 30,271
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2 0 |
04-07-2020, 06:25 PM | #6 |
MVP
Join Date: Jan 2012
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Posts: 5,517
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1 0 |
04-07-2020, 07:09 PM | #7 |
MVP
Join Date: Jan 2012
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Posts: 5,517
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04-07-2020, 09:20 PM | #8 |
MVP
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Olathe
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Posts: 9,578
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2 0 |
04-08-2020, 10:20 AM | #9 |
MVP
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Olathe
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Posts: 9,578
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04-08-2020, 10:30 AM | #10 |
11-5, baby
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Livin the dream
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Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket, or are you just happy to be within 6 feet of me?
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Posts: 22,416
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04-08-2020, 11:44 AM | #11 | |
MVP
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Olathe
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Quote:
I'll tell you a story from yesterdays Doctor appointment. I put my face mask on, hopped in the truck and started to back out of the garage. Wife comes rushing out and hands me a pill bottle. She says "Rather than trying to remember this med - take this empty bottle." Ok - not a problem I get to my Doctor's office in the Mega Hospital and I parked and jumped out. Forgot the pill bottle so I grabbed it and stuck it in my pants pocket. I go into the main hospital, get my temp taken by two young Nurses and hit elevator. I noticed the people were looking at me funny and I chalked it up to the face mask. Nope. I finally put two and two together. Looked like the biggest woody going down my leg (pill bottle). I got such a kick out of it that I put in back in my pocket on the way out again. Imagine....an old man like me with a porn star woody. At least it wasn't "Spinal Tap"... |
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Posts: 9,578
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04-08-2020, 12:11 PM | #12 | |
Born to Ride
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: NWA
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Quote:
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Posts: 16,307
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04-08-2020, 12:54 PM | #13 |
MVP
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Olathe
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Posts: 9,578
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04-09-2020, 03:34 PM | #14 |
Tip of the hat LIV Champs
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: ks
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At a restaurant in Chicago
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Posts: 54,983
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04-09-2020, 06:54 PM | #15 | |
MVP
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Olathe
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Quote:
I have always been a bit of a prankster in my younger days. But at my age in these days, I appreciate the idea that I can now fart - as loud as I want - wherever I want - elevators, grocery aisles - you get the idea. I'm allowed to get away with it because I'm an old fart. I particularly like "The Waling Farts" that I have little to no control over....they just sort of happen. You'll see when you hit your 70s. |
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Posts: 9,578
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