Corona humor
 

As we enter yet another week of the American Pandemic or whatever, I thought we could lighten things up a little, so without further ado, a few zingers . . .

"Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom

PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

Home-schooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to ‘’Puerto Backyarda’’. I'm getting tired of ‘’Los Livingroom’’.

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under…."

THE BUG BOAT - I tried to link it but a 404 error message appeared.

I’ve literally drank Corona’s, in Corona CA... true story

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I literally bought a house and lived in Corona CA, and drank Coronas on my porch in Corona CA. Corona.

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Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket, or are you just happy to be within 6 feet of me?

I'll tell you a story from yesterdays Doctor appointment. I put my face mask on, hopped in the truck and started to back out of the garage. Wife comes rushing out and hands me a pill bottle. She says "Rather than trying to remember this med - take this empty bottle."

Ok - not a problem I get to my Doctor's office in the Mega Hospital and I parked and jumped out. Forgot the pill bottle so I grabbed it and stuck it in my pants pocket.

I go into the main hospital, get my temp taken by two young Nurses and hit elevator. I noticed the people were looking at me funny and I chalked it up to the face mask. Nope. I finally put two and two together. Looked like the biggest woody going down my leg (pill bottle). I got such a kick out of it that I put in back in my pocket on the way out again.

Imagine....an old man like me with a porn star woody. At least it wasn't "Spinal Tap"... ROFL

They probably figured your 4 hours were up and you had to have it checked out!

ROFL

ROFL


Yeah - begging the Doc to prescribe some more of those "magic stay up" pills... :thumb:

At a restaurant in Chicago

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nicely played.