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Old 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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I'm on a mission to shit
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
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Old 05-20-2014, 09:33 PM   #301
Stanley Nickels Stanley Nickels is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
Just ate bean soup. My guts are gurglin' and quiverin' like a virgin on prom night.
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Old 05-20-2014, 10:06 PM   #302
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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#4 was a massive gas explosion with a tiny, solid chunk of excrement.

Kinda fun. I'd pay for a predator-vision replay of that shit. It honestly felt ****ing HUGE. But it was just the gas.

Last edited by Hammock Parties; 05-20-2014 at 10:19 PM..
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Old 05-20-2014, 10:11 PM   #303
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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5 total bowel movements over six days. I think I'm caught up now? Can it be not shitting time for awhile, Lord?
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Old 05-20-2014, 10:13 PM   #304
BigRedChief BigRedChief is offline
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Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
That's it.
This thread merit Hall of Classics consideration yet?

If not why not, it has all the key pieces that make a thread hall worthy.
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Old 05-21-2014, 05:16 AM   #305
TribalElder TribalElder is offline
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The thread is kind of shitty, that's why
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Old 05-21-2014, 05:18 AM   #306
bevischief bevischief is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
Just ate bean soup. My guts are gurglin' and quiverin' like a virgin on prom night.
Teaspoon of baking soda takes cares of the gas.
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Old 05-21-2014, 06:44 AM   #307
penguinz penguinz is offline
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Originally Posted by Mosbonian View Post
I can help you test the theory....

Go to Wal-Mart and buy the already prepared 2 liter bottle of Grape Kool-Aid. Spend the next 2 days drinking nothing but that with your meals.

You will spend the next 2 days wondering if all you ate was lettuce and broccoli.
Only two litres of fluids in two days? That is less than you should have in a day even if you are not active.
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Old 05-21-2014, 06:52 AM   #308
htismaqe htismaqe is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bevischief View Post
Teaspoon of baking soda takes cares of the gas.
If he's suffering from excessive acid, eating baking soda will create excess gas.
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Old 05-21-2014, 07:41 AM   #309
Dave Lane Dave Lane is offline
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Originally Posted by eDave View Post
Grape soda?
Purple drank...
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Old 05-21-2014, 07:54 AM   #310
Pasta Little Brioni Pasta Little Brioni is online now
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Should have left to go take a dump during speed dating
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Old 05-21-2014, 08:12 AM   #311
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
If he's suffering from excessive acid, eating baking soda will create excess gas.
What are you a ****ing chemist?
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Old 05-21-2014, 08:15 AM   #312
Pasta Little Brioni Pasta Little Brioni is online now
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Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
What are you a ****ing chemist?
Pothead
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Old 05-21-2014, 08:50 AM   #313
htismaqe htismaqe is online now
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Originally Posted by PGM View Post
Pothead
Same thing, right?
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Old 05-21-2014, 11:13 AM   #314
CleveSteve CleveSteve is offline
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Thank you to all the participants of this thread. My fav CP thread since "Draw something fast" and the diarrhea elephant.
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Old 05-21-2014, 11:14 AM   #315
htismaqe htismaqe is online now
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Thank you to all the participants of this thread. My fav CP thread since "Draw something fast" and the diarrhea elephant.
We aim to please.
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