For those with children: Do you think you’re a better parent than your parents were?

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

Bruh. I talk about this all the time! We had our bikes. We’d be halfway across the city while mom was working. As long as you were back by the time the street lights turned on, everything was good in the hood.

It’s kind of alarming how little our parents knew about our location and activities back in those days.



Omg. Are you serious?

Yes
So they got a different kind of parenting.

Eldest of that union is running a King Soopers and keeps my grocery bill low. The other one wants to be a chef.

Both needed my help in setting up a bank account.
So… little bit of column A little bit of column B.

[O.city]

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

Bruh. I talk about this all the time! We had our bikes. We’d be halfway across the city while mom was working. As long as you were back by the time the street lights turned on, everything was good in the hood.

It’s kind of alarming how little our parents knew about our location and activities back in those days.



Omg. Are you serious?

I grew up in rural MO. It was the same thing. We were wherever/whenever. Just be home by dark.

[ToxSocks]

Originally Posted by Katipan

My kids dad killed himself while they were in the next room.
I had it good as a kid.

Whoa. That's a bomb you just dropped. Are you serious?

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by ToxSocks

Whoa. That's a bomb you just dropped. Are you serious?

We had a big conversation on CP when it happened. Wasn’t a secret. But I’m delighted to think you might not know half the shit about me that I’ve posted about. 😁

[ToxSocks]

Originally Posted by Katipan

We had a big conversation on CP when it happened. Wasn’t a secret. But I’m delighted to think you might not know half the shit about me that I’ve posted about. 😁

Well im sorry to hear that Katipan. Now that you mention it, maybe i did read that and forgot.

Much love to you, Kati, and your kid too. That's ****ing rough. Really sorry to hear. ****in' terrible.

Ughhh.....respect.

[stumppy]

Originally Posted by Katipan

We had a big conversation on CP when it happened. Wasn’t a secret. But I’m delighted to think you might not know half the shit about me that I’ve posted about. 😁

Damn, sorry to hear that. Must have happened while I was away for awhile.

[Rain Man]

I didn't have children, which was the best possible parenting I could have done.

Via observation of people that I've known since childhood, I've noticed that everyone parents in the same way that they were parented. They'll complain about how they were parented and will then do the same thing with their kids. It's kind of amazing once you notice it. There are a few generational twists, but the core principles carry from one generation to the next as if they're purely genetic.

[ThaVirus]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I didn't have children, which was the best possible parenting I could have done.

Any regrets from you and the Mrs about never having them?

Via observation of people that I've known since childhood, I've noticed that everyone parents in the same way that they were parented. They'll complain about how they were parented and will then do the same thing with their kids. It's kind of amazing once you notice it. There are a few generational twists, but the core principles carry from one generation to the next as if they're purely genetic.

This is so true in a lot of ways. It seems it’s very hard to break the chain.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

Any regrets from you and the Mrs about never having them?

Nah, not really. This is where I recognize that I'm completely non-sentimental, but I look around at my peers who have kids, and I bet 25 to 30 percent of them have a child who will always need their help and attention, either for reason that aren't the kid's fault (health stuff) or reasons that are the kid's fault (laziness or drugs or whatever). I don't like those odds.

In fact, my wife and I were just discussing this the other day. Some acquaintance (don't even remember who since it's so common) was making some sacrifice for a non-launching adult kid, and we were sympathetic. We joked that Hypothetical RainDaughter and RainSon would have been above average in every way, but we couldn't take that risk.

We actually planned to have kids when we got married, but every year we would put it off, and we eventually came to the conclusion that there was a reason we kept putting it off.

I recognize that I can be seen as a selfish b*****d, and that may be right. I'm always a little befuddled at people who are really family oriented, and maybe that links to the fact that I fell very far from the family tree growing up and mostly lived on the periphery of those family members to the greatest extent possible. But I figure I'm only spinning around on this planet once, so I want to maximize my own happiness by picking who I want to spend time and not hoping for lucky genetic matches.

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Nah, not really. This is where I recognize that I'm completely non-sentimental, but I look around at my peers who have kids, and I bet 25 to 30 percent of them have a child who will always need their help and attention, either for reason that aren't the kid's fault (health stuff) or reasons that are the kid's fault (laziness or drugs or whatever). I don't like those odds.

In fact, my wife and I were just discussing this the other day. Some acquaintance (don't even remember who since it's so common) was making some sacrifice for a non-launching adult kid, and we were sympathetic. We joked that Hypothetical RainDaughter and RainSon would have been above average in every way, but we couldn't take that risk.

We actually planned to have kids when we got married, but every year we would put it off, and we eventually came to the conclusion that there was a reason we kept putting it off.

I recognize that I can be seen as a selfish b*****d, and that may be right. I'm always a little befuddled at people who are really family oriented, and maybe that links to the fact that I fell very far from the family tree growing up and mostly lived on the periphery of those family members to the greatest extent possible. But I figure I'm only spinning around on this planet once, so I want to maximize my own happiness by picking who I want to spend time and not hoping for lucky genetic matches.

The endorphins that come off the top of their heads when you hug them…

You could bottle that shit.

[Pablo]

Originally Posted by Katipan

The endorphins that come off the top of their heads when you hug them…

You could bottle that shit.

My wife read/showed me something about smelling a baby's head lowering aggression/anger almost instantly.

I didn't need any more excuses to hug my little baby girl, but I'll take them

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Katipan

The endorphins that come off the top of their heads when you hug them…

You could bottle that shit.

Now, I had that with my cats. Does it work the same with kids? Because kids aren't nearly as cute as cats.

[DJ's left nut]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I didn't have children, which was the best possible parenting I could have done.

Via observation of people that I've known since childhood, I've noticed that everyone parents in the same way that they were parented. They'll complain about how they were parented and will then do the same thing with their kids. It's kind of amazing once you notice it. There are a few generational twists, but the core principles carry from one generation to the next as if they're purely genetic.

Eh.....

I know I don't. And it's really simple - I was the oldest kid and by God I was going to put a stop to this nonsense.

Background: I never met my biological father. My mom never met hers and openly loathes her 'dad' (who divorce her mom shortly after my mom left the house) and her mom never knew HER biological father. My dad has no memory of his biological father (divorced when he was 3) and HIS dad had his mother kill herself in front of them when he was around 7 or 8. Oh, and of course my folks got divorced when I was 9.

I decided that all that shit stops with me. It was just such a weird damn cloud of family drama. So, honestly, I did it right where none of them did. I didn't **** around when I was in college. I didn't date chicks because they'd blow me. I didn't have kids early. Every decision I made was calculated.

Then as a kid I was only allowed to play baseball because there were fewer practices and they were late at night so I could go to those. No football, basketball, swim, hockey or anything else I wanted to do. My kids, OTOH, can participate in whatever they want and we find ways to get them there (so I have 3 kids in 3 different organized team activities). I don't remember a time I even played catch with my folks - I coach 2 of my kids teams right now and have coached for all of them at some point.

My mom got home at 6:30, made dinner while watching soap operas until 7 then went into the office to work for the rest of the night. I come home around 5:30, make dinner, do stuff with the kids until 7:30, get ready, do stories and stuff and then if needed, after they go to bed, I'll go back to the office AFTER they're down for the night.

My mom's approach was largely erratic and emotional. You never knew if she was going to cry or yell or just ignore whatever. Mine isn't. Mine is consistent, the kids know what to expect and what the consequences of failing to meet those expectations are. By and large I don't usually need to give them more than a look these days because they KNOW when they've overstepped.

Nah. I don't parent the same way my parents did. I do it better. By a lot. And again - I have it easier. Stable marriage and income. My wife's a great mom and we complement each other well in how we approach the kids. But again, NONE of that was by accident. I do it better because I simply wasn't going to allow it to be otherwise.

So I'll probably end up with 2 drug addicts and a white-collar felon on my hands.

Because for all the things my folks did poorly - they ended up with a lawyer and my sister the ER Doctor for their 'efforts'. My sister has a theory on that I won't bore you with, but ultimately it's hard to say they ruined anyone.

So in the end, it's possible that none of it matters even a little bit.

[ThaVirus]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

Eh.....

I know I don't. And it's really simple - I was the oldest kid and by God I was going to put a stop to this nonsense.

Yeah, there’s probably a deeper nature vs nurture debate baked in there.

What always trips me out is the fact that, statistically speaking, if your parent is an addict, you are more likely than the average to also be an addict of that particular vice. That’s wild.

Addicts, abusers, etc. who were raised by an addict, abuser, etc. had front row seats in the class of How Not to Raise Your Children and failed miserably. You were literally given a blueprint on how not to be.