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Old 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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I'm on a mission to shit
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
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Old 05-19-2014, 10:19 PM   #241
ShortRoundChief ShortRoundChief is offline
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Originally Posted by ThaVirus View Post
Speaking of shit, my stool's been green for about the past 5 days or so. I haven't changed my diet so I'm kind of curious as to what it could be..

Of course WebMD churned up some pretty scary results. I hate that website.
WebMD is a great website. It says you have 2 months to live before you die from AIDS but in reality all you have is an allergy problem
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Old 05-19-2014, 10:23 PM   #242
BeeHo BeeHo is offline
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be one with the poop. then you can move the poop.
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Old 05-19-2014, 10:50 PM   #243
TimeForWasp TimeForWasp is offline
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Didn't you lose a bet? Your username should be something shittier than the one you have.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:01 PM   #244
LiveSteam LiveSteam is offline
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Clay ate a Dingo's bay-bay
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:02 PM   #245
LiveSteam LiveSteam is offline
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Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post

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Good God man
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:05 PM   #246
booger booger is offline
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Did you cry?
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booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:06 PM   #247
SDChiefs SDChiefs is offline
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it amazes me that your single.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:30 PM   #248
TimBone TimBone is offline
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God damn it. I can't believe I actually just saw a picture of Clay's shit.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:37 PM   #249
Bob Dole Bob Dole is offline
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Originally Posted by ThaVirus View Post
Nope, my diet is far from high in leafy greens.

Google says I either have Crohn's or my shit is just passing through my intestines too quickly.
Or you are drinking too much grape soda...
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:49 PM   #250
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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As it turns out taking too many laxatives in a 48-hour period can lead to some stomach discomfort. Oy vey.
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Old 05-20-2014, 06:04 AM   #251
loochy loochy is offline
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That's actually not as bad as I expected. I bet it was the consistency of a piece of rebar though. Did you cry when it came out? How's your butt? Did it tear?
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Old 05-20-2014, 06:06 AM   #252
Dayze Dayze is offline
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why is the top of the turd folded over like a poop oragami?
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Old 05-20-2014, 06:13 AM   #253
booger booger is offline
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Originally Posted by ChiefsNow View Post
Didn't you lose a bet? Your username should be something shittier than the one you have.
TP queen from the looks of it
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booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.
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Old 05-20-2014, 07:14 AM   #254
srvy srvy is offline
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Some of you shit gazers need to be passed out spoons. Sorta like the cream of mushroom soup vomit scene in The Great Santini

Come on grunts get on it.
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Old 05-20-2014, 07:17 AM   #255
htismaqe htismaqe is online now
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Originally Posted by Davechief View Post
I had the ol colonoscopy procedure done last year. Maybe you could get your doc to prescribe you some of the stuff they use for the prep. I swear I shit out stuff from the 70's after downing that.
He already used some, it's called magnesium citrate.
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