When do you have a "talk" with your child's Coach?

[petegz28]

So my Son is 8 years old and playing in competitive soccer. I will be the first to admit that on his team of 9 he probably ranks 6th or 7th. Maybe 5th on a good day. He is disciplined, works hard, knows his game but is just one of the slower kids and not the strongest shooter. Usually plays Left or Right Back.

The Coach has had a tendency to play him less than the others and generally I am okay with that because at times he plays quite a bit. Then some things happened and I am not real sure how to approach it.

In a tournament we won our first 2 games and were an automatic lock for the finals. The 3rd game literally meant absolutely nothing. My Son's Coach decided to play the "best players" into the ground and my Son got to play all of 10 minutes of a 50 minute game in a game that meant literally nothing. I was pissed but said nothing.

Then tonight at practice the Coach handed out MVP Pins to 5 of of the 8 kids that were there and one to a kid who was practicing with us but not on our team. He said they "tried hard" the last game. The irony is my Son played most of the last game and more than just about anyone else, and one of the kids that didn't get a pin had 2 goals. So the "they tried hard" crap doesn't seem to make sense.

I thought that was a pretty shitty way to handle that situation as we had 2 subs that game, it was very hot and all the kids played their ass off and we won 7-1.

Our Coach is 22, and it's his first year coaching a team. I try to keep that in mind. I also have to keep in mind that if I piss him off he could plant my Son on the bench the rest of the season. Also with tryouts for next season coming up in a couple of weeks, I'd hate to do something to jeopardize my Son.

On the other hand, I see it as I am paying good $'s to play in this league and a dick move is a dick move.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

[ThyKingdomCome15]

If the coach sucks then the rest of the players know what's going on. These things work themselves out. Let it go. You can't fight your kid's battles his whole life. You'll turn him into sissy, if soccer hasn't done that already.

[The Franchise]

Originally Posted by BigRedChief

I coached little league competitive baseball for 10 years. Every kid knew why they weren’t playing or what I expected for them to keep improving to stay as a starter.

But, I coached a year of rec ball before competitive and I wasn’t 22 but 30. Give him some slack or help coach.

This is comp soccer. Your last sentence doesn’t work at all.

1. These coaches need licenses and get paid, so you aren’t helping him coach.
2. Cutting some slack only goes so far when you’re paying a decent amount of money to have your kid play. Some of these coaches are complete shit. I’ve dealt with one of them in the past and it took us moving my daughter to a different club. Plus it set her behind in development.

[BigCatDaddy]

Choke him out.

[The Franchise]

Originally Posted by ThyKingdomCome15

If the coach sucks then the rest of the players know what's going on. These things work themselves out. Let it go. You can't fight your kid's battles his whole life. You'll turn him into sissy, if soccer hasn't done that already.

Says the guy who probably couldn’t keep up with high school kids playing soccer.

[Dunerdr]

I can sort of relate. My son plays 8u baseball and plays catcher, but is probably the best first baseman on the team. But the coaches kid plays first. He’s an add nightmare. He tries to be first, pitcher catcher and short stop. He’s antics cost us 4 runs in the last two games but nothing gets said because his dads the coach. My sons happy knowing he’s one of the top 3/4 kids on the team and any given night can get his bat hot and be the man. But other parents have pushed me to complain. I just don’t want to do it. We’re a league team not a hand picked tournament team or anything. I’m debating saying something this weekend at the league tournament. My son will have to play 2-3 games in the Oklahoma heat. Maybe now is the time to say hey he needs a break from the gear play him in the field a bit.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by wazu

Have dealt with a few frustrating situations. I never approached a coach about an issue, but I did encourage my son to communicate with his coach. And when you have a coach that sucks, you just move on next season.

This is the answer that I would offer. The medal thing is weird - if more than half the people are getting medals, then it's a participation medal and give them to everyone. But the bottom line is that it's the coach's team, and if he's really that bad then he won't have any players next year. If it's intolerable, you can move your kid to a different team or league, I presume.

[kcclone]

Originally Posted by petegz28

I generally don't want to get involved but when you see your kid getting discouraged because of dick moves it's hard to stay silent.

I tell my Son to use it as fuel to get better but still wanna tell the Coach he is being a douche to the kids.

You want to have a convo with the coach after one game? I think you need to ride this out a little and see if it's a pattern. If it is, it probably means the coach doesn't think he's cut out for that level of competition,and doesn't trust him to play in certain situations.

Either way, competitive teams are in the business of winning, and they're always looking to improve. There are two ways to do that: You can add better players, or you can cut the kids on the bottom of the roster. But that goes with the territory of "competitive". If that's too harsh, try to find a good rec team instead.

As someone who's done a ton of youth sports coaching, my philosophy is that it's better to be a top half roster player, in a little lower division, than a player who rides pine because the coach doesn't think he's good enough. So maybe finding a new team next season if he's discouraged is a better strategy.

Becoming "that guy" is a lose-lose situation for you and your kid. Even if the coach isn't the greatest (he's 22 years old, what can you expect?), he will view you as a problem if you get noisy, and unless your kid is one of the top on the team, he's not going to do you any favors or go out of his way to keep him in the future.

I heard an AD one time say that every year, he gets several calls right after cuts for soccer, baseball, basketball etc.

The parents all more or less ask "You mean to tell me that my kid who's played club baseball for the past 12 years isn't good enough to make the team???"

His answer is "Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you".

My point with that story is that in sports, the cream always rises to the top. The further you go in sports, the closer you'll be getting to his ceiling where your kid isn't good enough. For some select few, with the right genetics, that can be in the professional or college ranks. For most, it's in the 6-14 year old range. It is what it is.

Let it play out. Don't make a big deal out of it. Help your kid have fun, and if there isn't playing time on this team, I'd try to find a different team.

[BigRedChief]

Originally Posted by The Franchise

This is comp soccer. Your last sentence doesn’t work at all.

1. These coaches need licenses and get paid, so you aren’t helping him coach.
2. Cutting some slack only goes so far when you’re paying a decent amount of money to have your kid play. Some of these coaches are complete shit. I’ve dealt with one of them in the past and it took us moving my daughter to a different club. Plus it set her behind in development.

An 8 year old kid soccer coach, even if it’s competitive, are paid now? That’s standard?

[The Franchise]

Also check out what youth league the club fits under and check out their rules. I know that in ours, the teams are required to play each player 50% of the game during cup play. During tournaments it’s a free for all.

Not saying that to use it to your advantage but if they aren’t following league rules then they can get fined. If he’s a young coach…he may not realize that.

[The Franchise]

Originally Posted by BigRedChief

An 8 year old kid soccer coach, even if it’s competitive, are paid now? That’s standard?

Most comp soccer teams pay their coaches if they are part of a club. It’s because of all of the time and travel they have to spend. Plus the licensing that’s required.

[petegz28]

Originally Posted by kcclone

You want to have a convo with the coach after one game? I think you need to ride this out a little and see if it's a pattern. If it is, it probably means the coach doesn't think he's cut out for that level of competition,and doesn't trust him to play in certain situations.

Either way, competitive teams are in the business of winning, and they're always looking to improve. There are two ways to do that: You can add better players, or you can cut the kids on the bottom of the roster. But that goes with the territory of "competitive". If that's too harsh, try to find a good rec team instead.

As someone who's done a ton of youth sports coaching, my philosophy is that it's better to be a top half roster player, in a little lower division, than a player who rides pine because the coach doesn't think he's good enough. So maybe finding a new team next season if he's discouraged is a better strategy.

Becoming "that guy" is a lose-lose situation for you and your kid. Even if the coach isn't the greatest (he's 22 years old, what can you expect?), he will view you as a problem if you get noisy, and unless your kid is one of the top on the team, he's not going to do you any favors or go out of his way to keep him in the future.

I head an AD one time say that every year, he gets several calls right after cuts for soccer, baseball, basketball etc.

The parents all more or less ask "You mean to tell me that my kid who's played club baseball for the past 12 years isn't good enough to make the team???"

His answer is "Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you".

My point with that story is that in sports, the cream always rises to the top. The further you go in sports, the closer you'll be getting to his ceiling where your kid isn't good enough. For some select few, with the right genetics, that can be in the professional or college ranks. For most, it's in the 6-14 year old range. It is what it is.

Let it play out. Don't make a big deal out of it. Help your kid have fun, and if there isn't playing time on this team, I'd try to find a different team.

It has been more than one game. I have been to every practice and every game. I see what goes on and who is good, who isn't, who can follow directions, who can't, etc. The bottom line on this Coach is he is out to win at all costs and doesn't realize he is dealing with a division 4 team of 8 year olds.

To give you an idea of how he approaches things, he spent 20 minutes tonight lecturing the boys on how there are 4 ways to learn things. Meanwhile, the Coach of the team we were scrimmaging against pulled his subs back on the field and ran drills because he got tired of our Coach not getting the players on the field to play.

Also, our Coach has a team a year younger than us, 7 year olds, that have to play against 8 year olds. They lost a game 17-1. The next practice he lectured them for 40 minutes then made them run lines 17 times. Not sure how much you have dealt with young kids but you'll get further watching paint dry than you will with lecturing 7 year olds for 40 minutes.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by BigRedChief

An 8 year old kid soccer coach, even if it’s competitive, are paid now? That’s standard?

I did a research study for a youth soccer club (edit: league, not club) a while back, and they were importing coaches from Europe. This was a suburban youth soccer league.

I repeat for emphasis: they were importing coaches from Europe.

[petegz28]

Originally Posted by BigRedChief

An 8 year old kid soccer coach, even if it’s competitive, are paid now? That’s standard?

Yes, they get paid. I laid out between $2k-$3k this season between league fees, uniforms, tournament fees, etc. Part of that is Coaching fees. Don't get me wrong, I am all for them getting paid and I don't mind dropping the coin because he plays on good fields at good facilities.

Our Coach had only taught skills until this season and this was his first year Coaching teams. I have heard other Parents from other teams he coaches say they won't come back if their kid has him as a coach next season, but I will believe that when I see it. Unfortunately there are a lot of Parents that use this as a status symbol more than anything else.

[kcclone]

Originally Posted by petegz28

It has been more than one game. I have been to every practice and every game. I see what goes on and who is good, who isn't, who can follow directions, who can't, etc. The bottom line on this Coach is he is out to win at all costs and doesn't realize he is dealing with a division 4 team of 8 year olds.

To give you an idea of how he approaches things, he spent 20 minutes tonight lecturing the boys on how there are 4 ways to learn things. Meanwhile, the Coach of the team we were scrimmaging against pulled his subs back on the field and ran drills because he got tired of our Coach not getting the players on the field to play.

Also, our Coach has a team a year younger than us, 7 year olds, that have to play against 8 year olds. They lost a game 17-1. The next practice he lectured them for 40 minutes then made them run lines 17 times. Not sure how much you have dealt with young kids but you'll get further watching paint dry than you will with lecturing 7 year olds for 40 minutes.

Sounds like he's an ass. Not sure there is a good answer, other than trying to find a better coaching fit next season. Still, it's a lose-lose situation to get too involved.

My only other advice, is to back off a little and let your kid breathe. Going to every practice seems a little helipcopter'ish for second graders who have been playing for more than a couple of years.

[Rainbarrel]

Originally Posted by ThyKingdomCome15

If the coach sucks then the rest of the players know what's going on. These things work themselves out. Let it go. You can't fight your kid's battles his whole life. You'll turn him into sissy, if soccer hasn't done that already.

Do they teach them to use a tissue to hold it with, when they pee