...

Hydrae · 10-14-2005, 01:07 PM

Did you hear about the acron that fell asleep one day and when he woke up said, geometry! (Gee, Ah'm a tree).

(Sorry, Joe mentioning bad jokes by a teacher made me remember this from my Algebra 2 teacher.)

Eleazar · 10-14-2005, 01:08 PM

Q: What picks its nose, eats toejam, and has skidmarks in its underwear?

A: milehighfan

**Lzen** · 10-14-2005, 01:24 PM

How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,

The Dog

greg63 · 10-17-2005, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lzen

How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way...

Marcellus · 10-14-2005, 02:01 PM

What's the difference between Invesco Field at Mile High and a Hoover vaccum cleaner?

You can only fit one dirtbag in a Hoover.

**Lzen** · 10-17-2005, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marcellus

What's the difference between Invesco Field at Mile High and a Hoover vaccum cleaner?

You can only fit one dirtbag in a Hoover.

I heard that joke a little differently. It goes like this:

What's the difference between a biker and a Hoover vaccuum cleaner?

The position of the dirt bag.

Frankie · 10-19-2005, 12:12 PM

A woman's car breaks down on the highway, so she eases over on to the shoulder. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the hood.

Out of the back seat jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of the vehicle. They stand facing on-coming traffic, open their coats and expose themselves to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, a traffic tie-up occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up.

The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the driver of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the hell is going on here?"

"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.

"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?" screams the cop.

"Oh, I HAVE read auto safety books, you know." replies the blonde "These are my emergency flashers!"

Frankie · 10-19-2005, 01:51 PM

How to say 'I love you' in 25 languages.....

Spanish
Te Amo

French
Je T'aime

German
lch Liebe Dich

Japanese
Ai Shite Imasu

Farsi
Doostet Dahram

Thai
Phom rak khun

Italian
Ti amo

Chinese
Wo Ai Ni

Swedish
Jag Alskar

Alabama
Arkansas
Oklahoma
Texas
North Carolina
South Carolina
Georgia
Tennessee
Idaho
Mississippi
Montana
Louisiana
Virginia
West Virginia
Kentucky
parts of Florida
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Nice Ass , Get in the truck

C-Mac · 10-17-2005, 09:14 AM

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and
falling to sleep.

All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe
standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he
asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and
you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too
young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog
or a hen. The choice is your own."

Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is
too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around
with a rooster can't be that bad.

"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.

And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken housen, really nicely
feathered.

But for some reason he felt like his rear end was gonna explode.

Then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told
me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?"

"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my butt is about to explode."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need
to lay an egg."

"How do I do that?" Tom asked. "Cluck twice, and then you push all
you can."

Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then
'plop' an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!"

So he clucked again and squeezed.

And you better believe it, there was yet another egg on the ground.

The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:

"Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You've crapped in the bed.....!!!

greg63 · 10-19-2005, 11:23 PM

Errrrrrrrr, screeeeeeetch, Errrrrrrrr, screeeeeeetch, Errrrrrrrr, screeeeeeetch!!! - …A blond driving through a flashing red light.

KChiefsQT · 10-19-2005, 11:54 PM

There was an 80 year old female virgin who started to feel itchy down south.....

So she decided to go see a doctor. The first doctor examined her and said.. I'm sorry ma'am but it looks like you have a nice case of crabs. The woman is appauled as she has never been with a man before... so she gets up and leaves to get a seocnd opinion.

The next doctor tells her the same thing.. she explains to him she's never had sex before so this is impossible and goes to a third doctor for a final opinion.

The third doctor examines her, Is clearly disgusted at what he sees and then tells her. I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you do not have crabs. The bad news is your cooch is infested with fruit flies, ma'am your cherry has rotted.

Ooops... was this supposed to be a clean jokes only threeaD??? MY BAD!

Simplex3 · 10-19-2005, 11:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kchiefsqt

There was an 80 year old female virgin who started to feel itchy down south.....

So she decided to go see a doctor. The first doctor examined her and said.. I'm sorry ma'am but it looks like you have a nice case of crabs. The woman is appauled as she has never been with a man before... so she gets up and leaves to get a seocnd opinion.

The next doctor tells her the same thing.. she explains to him she's never had sex before so this is impossible and goes to a third doctor for a final opinion.

The third doctor examines her, Is clearly disgusted at what he sees and then tells her. I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you do not have crabs. The bad news is your cooch is infested with fruit flies, ma'am your cherry has rotted.

Ooops... was this supposed to be a clean jokes only threeaD??? MY BAD!

joesomebody · 10-20-2005, 07:55 AM

Friendship among women:A woman doesn't come home one night.The next day she tells her husband she slept over at a friends house. The man calls his wife's ten best friends. None of them know about it.

Friendship among men:A man doesn't come home one night.The next day he tells his wife he slept over at a friends house. The woman calls her husbands ten best friends. Eight of them say he did sleep over and two claim he's still there.

10-14-2005, 01:07 PM	#2
Hydrae Sandbox: Leander Lasercats Hydrae's Avatar Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Austin, Tx	Did you hear about the acron that fell asleep one day and when he woke up said, geometry! (Gee, Ah'm a tree). (Sorry, Joe mentioning bad jokes by a teacher made me remember this from my Algebra 2 teacher.)
Posts: 14,693

10-14-2005, 01:08 PM	#3
Eleazar Beyond the Rapids Eleazar's Avatar Join Date: May 2003 Location: Langley, VA	Q: What picks its nose, eats toejam, and has skidmarks in its underwear? A: milehighfan
Posts: 80,659

10-14-2005, 02:01 PM	#7
Marcellus Diablo Negro Marcellus's Avatar Join Date: Sep 2003	What's the difference between Invesco Field at Mile High and a Hoover vaccum cleaner? You can only fit one dirtbag in a Hoover.
Posts: 69,416

10-19-2005, 12:12 PM	#9
Frankie Banned Frankie's Avatar Join Date: Jul 2001	A woman's car breaks down on the highway, so she eases over on to the shoulder. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the hood. Out of the back seat jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of the vehicle. They stand facing on-coming traffic, open their coats and expose themselves to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, a traffic tie-up occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the driver of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the hell is going on here?" "My car broke down," says the lady, calmly. "Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?" screams the cop. "Oh, I HAVE read auto safety books, you know." replies the blonde "These are my emergency flashers!"
Posts: 26,959

10-19-2005, 01:51 PM	#10
Frankie Banned Frankie's Avatar Join Date: Jul 2001	How to say 'I love you' in 25 languages..... Spanish Te Amo French Je T'aime German lch Liebe Dich Japanese Ai Shite Imasu Farsi Doostet Dahram Thai Phom rak khun Italian Ti amo Chinese Wo Ai Ni Swedish Jag Alskar Alabama Arkansas Oklahoma Texas North Carolina South Carolina Georgia Tennessee Idaho Mississippi Montana Louisiana Virginia West Virginia Kentucky parts of Florida . . . . . . . Nice Ass , Get in the truck
Posts: 26,959

10-17-2005, 09:14 AM	#11
C-Mac Lurker Extraordinaire C-Mac's Avatar Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Wally World	Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked. "This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven." "WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately." "It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own." Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as a hen," Tom replied. And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken housen, really nicely feathered. But for some reason he felt like his rear end was gonna explode. Then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?" "Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my butt is about to explode." "Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg." "How do I do that?" Tom asked. "Cluck twice, and then you push all you can." Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground. "Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe it, there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout: "Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You've crapped in the bed.....!!!
Posts: 5,634

10-19-2005, 11:23 PM	#12
greg63 Homer go crazy!!! greg63's Avatar Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: SE Kansas	Errrrrrrrr, screeeeeeetch, Errrrrrrrr, screeeeeeetch, Errrrrrrrr, screeeeeeetch!!! - …A blond driving through a flashing red light.
Posts: 17,609

10-19-2005, 11:54 PM	#13
KChiefsQT Kara G! KChiefsQT's Avatar Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: California	There was an 80 year old female virgin who started to feel itchy down south..... So she decided to go see a doctor. The first doctor examined her and said.. I'm sorry ma'am but it looks like you have a nice case of crabs. The woman is appauled as she has never been with a man before... so she gets up and leaves to get a seocnd opinion. The next doctor tells her the same thing.. she explains to him she's never had sex before so this is impossible and goes to a third doctor for a final opinion. The third doctor examines her, Is clearly disgusted at what he sees and then tells her. I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you do not have crabs. The bad news is your cooch is infested with fruit flies, ma'am your cherry has rotted. Ooops... was this supposed to be a clean jokes only threeaD??? MY BAD!
Posts: 4,070

10-20-2005, 07:55 AM	#15
joesomebody Waiting to be voted off joesomebody's Avatar Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Baltimore, MD	Friendship among women:A woman doesn't come home one night.The next day she tells her husband she slept over at a friends house. The man calls his wife's ten best friends. None of them know about it. Friendship among men:A man doesn't come home one night.The next day he tells his wife he slept over at a friends house. The woman calls her husbands ten best friends. Eight of them say he did sleep over and two claim he's still there.
Posts: 2,584