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Old 08-31-2017, 12:27 PM  
Quesadilla Joe Quesadilla Joe is offline
Abolish The Salary Cap!
 
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Why Your Team Sucks 2017: Kansas City Chiefs

Spoiler!



http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-su...ium=socialflow

Last edited by Quesadilla Joe; 08-31-2017 at 12:38 PM..
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Old 08-31-2017, 12:29 PM   #2
tooge tooge is offline
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Why KnowMo sucks cocks and why his mom is a whore.

Because they can
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Old 08-31-2017, 12:37 PM   #3
RealSNR RealSNR is online now
Special Teams ACE!!!
 
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These things were funny when they first came out. Then they did it a second year. Okay, great. This is like the 5th time this edition came out, I think?

Making it an annual tradition is dumb. I couldn't make it through the article, honestly, because 75% of it is using the same jokes and punching bags from LAST year.

Stick with the new stuff. Make it shorter. A LOT shorter.
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Old 08-31-2017, 12:47 PM   #4
Chiefnj2 Chiefnj2 is offline
In Search of a Life
 
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There are some funny lines:

"Andy Reid, who only displays aggression when he’s quietly maneuvering to shove front-office adversaries out the door."

"[Alex Smith is] the little paper cup of coleslaw that comes with every order. He’s pleasantly worthless."

" if I know Andy Reid, he will A) Sit Mahomes for so long that your balls explode and you die from screaming at every shot of Mahomes lingering on the sideline with a clipboard, "

“Compliments to the Steelers, they were the better team today,” Reid said. “Too many errors that we made. My responsibility to make sure those are right, and we didn’t do it.”
Put it on a ****ing plaque. That is your life eternal, KC. Just a string of dumb losses followed by even dumber explanations.

Tyreek Hill is an absolute dynamo and one of the most exciting players in football. Sure glad he doesn’t have any kind of violent history that forces me to make a moral compromise every time I see him play!
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Old 08-31-2017, 12:48 PM   #5
Shaid Shaid is offline
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That's a lot of crap to read through. The couple parts I read were mildly amusing and relatively true but yeah, I feel like I've read something like this somewhere before...
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Old 08-31-2017, 12:50 PM   #6
notorious notorious is offline
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This is the part where trot out one of my favorite stats, which is that the Chiefs have not won a game with a QB they drafted in three decades. Holy, holy shit. But that may finally change this season, because the Chiefs—God help me—drafted a QB in the first round for the first time since 1983. They finally went and did it. Say hello to your new God, KC:

That’s Patrick Mahomes, who will have “raw” added as a prefix to his name for the next five years. I grew up watching his dad pitch for the Twins, and now I feel monstrously old. Anyway, if I know Andy Reid, he will A) Sit Mahomes for so long that your balls explode and you die from screaming at every shot of Mahomes lingering on the sideline with a clipboard, and B) Fashion Mahomes into a robotic pocket passer who will only throw the ball 10 yards or longer if a fire breaks out. Just like Alex Smith! Gonna be a good year. Mahomes got robbed already.
I love this writer.
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Old 08-31-2017, 12:54 PM   #7
RippedmyFlesh RippedmyFlesh is offline
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Some of those fans are definitely CPers. The kicker that shall go unnamed.
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Old 08-31-2017, 12:56 PM   #8
Discuss Thrower Discuss Thrower is offline
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Originally Posted by RippedmyFlesh View Post
Some of those fans are definitely CPers. The kicker that shall go unnamed.
Nah. That's the CP filter for the correct spelling of Lyn Elliot.
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Old 08-31-2017, 12:58 PM   #9
RippedmyFlesh RippedmyFlesh is offline
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Originally Posted by Discuss Thrower View Post
Nah. That's the CP filter for the correct spelling of Lyn Elliot.
Concede that but the rest of his post looks CPish. Hamas maybe?
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Old 08-31-2017, 12:58 PM   #10
notorious notorious is offline
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Step forward, Matt, and receive your due Chiefsplanet Escalades.

Quote:
Matt:

I live with 4 roommates (growing up quickly in my late 20’s):

Brent has a Dustin Colquitt (punter) jersey and truly believes he’s the best player on our team (hard to argue with).

Brett is on Alex Smith’s dick so deep that he thinks the Chiefs are a shoe-in for the Super Bowl.

Kevon is a Rams migrant who won’t stop saying that Alex Smith will win the MVP.

Maggie doesn’t know anything about the Chiefs but has season tickets so she can get blacked out at Arrowhead on Sunday mornings.

Maggie is by far the most intelligent Chiefs fan in our house.
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Old 08-31-2017, 01:34 PM   #11
Reerun_KC Reerun_KC is offline
Rock Chalk Jayhawks! KU!!!
 
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Originally Posted by notorious View Post
Step forward, Matt, and receive your due Chiefsplanet Escalades.
That's some funny shit
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Old 08-31-2017, 01:51 PM   #12
ptlyon ptlyon is offline
Bono & Grbac wasn't enough
 
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I want to meet Maggie
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Old 08-31-2017, 02:12 PM   #13
bdj23 bdj23 is offline
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"Compliments to the Steelers, they were the better team today,” Reid said. “Too many errors that we made. My responsibility to make sure those are right, and we didn’t do it.”
Put it on a ****ing plaque. That is your life eternal, KC. Just a string of dumb losses followed by even dumber explanations"

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Old 08-31-2017, 02:26 PM   #14
Skyy God Skyy God is offline
11-5, baby
 
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I hope the last guy ****ed cake girl.
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Old 08-31-2017, 03:31 PM   #15
Coochie liquor Coochie liquor is offline
Bolton gonna knock you out
 
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The best part is always the fan stuff. Some straight hilarity in there. Prob because it's all true so it's either laugh it off, or cry uncontrollably....

Love this line too
Alex Smith is the human manifestation of mayonnaise and white rice.
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