Star Wars: Episode IX

[MarkDavis'Haircut]

Originally Posted by Sweet Daddy Hate

If I were tapped to finish this trilogy, my Epi 9 would go something like this:


The little bastard kids from the space-kangaroo/horse stables at the end of TLJ steal a good sized space yacht from Lando on Canto Bight. Since the force is so ****ed up in these movies, we'll go ahead and say that the boy with the broom has become powerful enough to track force users through space( see how this works? I can be a reerun too! ).

They travel to a space battle where every single member of the Resistance and the entire First Order are engaged in combat, and things are looking grim for the Resistance.

The spirit of Luke Skywalker, who cares nothing for anyone now that he's dead, uses the force to line the kids' stolen Lando-Yacht up like a killer ace pool-shot, engages the hyperdrive, and everyone dies.

THE END!

Works for me.

[bowener]

Originally Posted by Sweet Daddy Hate

If I were tapped to finish this trilogy, my Epi 9 would go something like this:


The little bastard kids from the space-kangaroo/horse stables at the end of TLJ steal a good sized space yacht from Lando on Canto Bight. Since the force is so ****ed up in these movies, we'll go ahead and say that the boy with the broom has become powerful enough to track force users through space( see how this works? I can be a reerun too! ).

They travel to a space battle where every single member of the Resistance and the entire First Order are engaged in combat, and things are looking grim for the Resistance.

The spirit of Luke Skywalker, who cares nothing for anyone now that he's dead, uses the force to line the kids' stolen Lando-Yacht up like a killer ace pool-shot, engages the hyperdrive, and everyone dies.

THE END!

The best way I can think to save this piece of shit trilogy is to have the final episode set about 15 years after whatever the **** we just watched in the previous episode.

It would be lame to do, but it would let the writers have a long distance to get away from it all.

Finn and Rose still together? Nope. Rose died fighting somewhere we don't care about.

Finn is still a ****tard character that is given stupid as comedic spots that aren't needed? No. Now he has personally murdered a shit load of people and "seen some shit, man." He is emotionally ****ed, deeply troubled, and out for blood like a true terrorist. Maybe he has started to lean into a Saw Gerrera mentality. He can lead, and people follow like devoted disciples.

Poe is a hothead with an ego and a terrible stand-in for the classic Han role? Now he's older wiser, and maybe has some kind of noticeable battle scar to set his new action figures apart from the previous ones.

The legend and mythos of Rey/Ren is nothing to be impressed by or fear? Now they've got time and battles under their belts. Rey has been training more while Ren has been murdering more.

The resistance was a dozen or fewer aliens and mobile trashcans? Nope. Now it's grown in number and ability.

This is effectively hitting the reset button. I cannot think of any other way to save this dumpster fire. And like I said, this would be lame, but it would be better.

edit: Also have a new rebel character named "Rian" and show Ren melting him in the lava of Mustafar in an attempt to extract information from him during the first act... to really show how far LORD REN has come. Because he needs to be LORD REN by now.

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

Originally Posted by bowener

The best way I can think to save this piece of shit trilogy is to have the final episode set about 15 years after whatever the **** we just watched in the previous episode.

It would be lame to do, but it would let the writers have a long distance to get away from it all.

Finn and Rose still together? Nope. Rose died fighting somewhere we don't care about.

Finn is still a ****tard character that is given stupid as comedic spots that aren't needed? No. Now he has personally murdered a shit load of people and "seen some shit, man." He is emotionally ****ed, deeply troubled, and out for blood like a true terrorist. Maybe he has started to lean into a Saw Gerrera mentality. He can lead, and people follow like devoted disciples.

Poe is a hothead with an ego and a terrible stand-in for the classic Han role? Now he's older wiser, and maybe has some kind of noticeable battle scar to set his new action figures apart from the previous ones.

The legend and mythos of Rey/Ren is nothing to be impressed by or fear? Now they've got time and battles under their belts. Rey has been training more while Ren has been murdering more.

The resistance was a dozen or fewer aliens and mobile trashcans? Nope. Now it's grown in number and ability.

This is effectively hitting the reset button. I cannot think of any other way to save this dumpster fire. And like I said, this would be lame, but it would be better.

edit: Also have a new rebel character named "Rian" and show Ren melting him in the lava of Mustafar in an attempt to extract information from him during the first act... to really show how far LORD REN has come. Because he needs to be LORD REN by now.

If the usual "scoop nerds" are to be trusted, it's been said that this movie will take place at least 2 to 3 years after TLJ.

So, that might help, but it can't stop the fact that Disney and KK just don't get it. They never have from the beginning and TLJ just drove that point home like Clay banging a single mom with big titties and a full-time babysitter.

[bowener]

Originally Posted by Sweet Daddy Hate

If the usual "scoop nerds" are to be trusted, it's been said that this movie will take place at least 2 to 3 years after TLJ.

So, that might help, but it can't stop the fact that Disney and KK just don't get it. They never have from the beginning and TLJ just drove that point home like Clay banging a single mom with big titties and a full-time babysitter.

Truth. Well, sort of. They got it... they got that it is a cash cow. The newest episodes are generic action films reskinned to look like Star Wars. That's the best way I can look at them. There is no depth or nuance to characters; there is only trademarked sound effects and visual art.

[MarkDavis'Haircut]

As someone previously mentioned here, the biggest problem with Star Wars is that none of the stories are screaming to be told. Episode IV works well enough as a standalone flick. It was a basic hero's journey story with some Eastern trappings.

[DJ's left nut]

They absolutely need a time jump if for no other reason than to get rid of Leia.

I still won't be seeing this in the theaters. It's unreal how badly TLJ ruined that franchise for me.

[InChiefsHeaven]

To think, I was excited when TFA came out, even though its produced by Disney and is a reboot. I really for some reason thought OK, that first one was to set everything right and leave us with an interesting story arc and some characters that we might actually like and want to see grow...
Then TLJ...fuuuuuuuck....

[BigRichard]

I can't wait to see what the opening box office numbers for this movie are. I am actually kinda giddy to see them fail at this point. Maybe then they will get it but I doubt it. They still think the Russians did it.

[Chiefspants]

I will always contend that the real problems started with TFA.

How they didn't sit down and chart out the 3 movies with a unified vision is baffling to me. Especially with the success Marvel has seen by playing it that way.

JJ screwed things the moment he was allowed to make A New Hope Awakens.

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

Originally Posted by Chiefspants

I will always contend that the real problems started with TFA.

How they didn't sit down and chart out the 3 movies with a unified vision is baffling to me. Especially with the success Marvel has seen by playing it that way.

JJ screwed things the moment he was allowed to make A New Hope Awakens.

This. AND, the initial "idea" to sit down and do a soft reboot was stupid as **** to begin with. SW fans, in general, live and die by quality NEW CONTENT. That is why all of the old EU characters are getting shoe-horned in to the TV cartoons and other places, and why there exists an ENTIRE UNIVERSE MMO game based on the quality writing of ONE NEW CHARACTER.

This shit isn't hard if you stick to two simple concepts:

1) Classic heroes doing classic things.

2) Hire writers who are proven skilled at their craft and want a crack at crafting a NEW story for the movie side of the franchise.


See how easy that was?

[DJ's left nut]

Originally Posted by Chiefspants

I will always contend that the real problems started with TFA.

How they didn't sit down and chart out the 3 movies with a unified vision is baffling to me. Especially with the success Marvel has seen by playing it that way.

JJ screwed things the moment he was allowed to make A New Hope Awakens.

I just don't agree. Ep VII was a knock off, sure. But it wasn't actively BAD. It didn't do anything to irreparably damage anything. It meandered and was little more than an origin story for the next wave of characters, but A New Hope was similar in that regard.

The problem is that where IV was followed by an amazing episode V, VII was followed by a shit VIII.

The problem, as you correctly identified, was the lack of a unified vision. That didn't HAVE to happen just because Abrams made a largely reductive re-boot in TFA. There was still a foundation for a great next episode there. But the man, what an absolute piece of shit they made instead.

[Chiefspants]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

I just don't agree. Ep VII was a knock off, sure. But it wasn't actively BAD. It didn't do anything to irreparably damage anything. It meandered and was little more than an origin story for the next wave of characters, but A New Hope was similar in that regard.

The problem is that where IV was followed by an amazing episode V, VII was followed by a shit VIII.

The problem, as you correctly identified, was the lack of a unified vision. That didn't HAVE to happen just because Abrams made a largely reductive re-boot in TFA. There was still a foundation for a great next episode there. But the man, what an absolute piece of shit they made instead.

I do agree that the bolded text is the Cardinal Sin over JJ's ripoff of ANH.

The only thing I'll add to the other point is that JJ's unoriginality put any writer into a box for 8. Everything was set up for 8 to be a reboot of ESB.

Rey (Luke) had found a master Jedi (Yoda)
Who was this mysterious figure leading the primary antagonist? (Emporer-Snoke).
The rebels were now on the run after destroying the StarKiller Death Star.

Poe and Finn were the wildcards, but as it turns out, their characters didn't have designed arcs in 7 (Hell, Poe was supposed to die in the first fifteen minutes of TFA), and their arcs overstuffed the story.

JJ also created very real problems for the next director. JJ fully intended on Luke to be a master of the force on par with Yoda... but if that were true - why would he let Han die and the entire resistance be shattered if Luke were truly a Jedi Master. Putting Luke into his favorite mystery box was a terrible mistake. How in the hell was it not a mandate to have a final scene with Luke, Han and Leia?

I do think that these things could have been solved if all three movies had been charted out - but they weren't, and all JJ seemed to do was soft reboot ANH and set up a reboot for ESB.

Anywho - I'm ranting. The hate many feel for TLJ is what I feel for TFA. Sure, it's a fine movie in a vacuum, but I think it was a terrible set-up when there was no unified vision for this series.

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

No one wanted a reboot.

NO ONE.

And they hid that sad shit for as long as they could. I remember when "Starkiller Base" was revealed; you could hear groans the entire world over.

It's easy to make a short trailer exciting and hype people up. It's much harder to make a real movie. Hell, that "robot girl" movie looks more exciting than anything Disney has dreamed up for SW. ( Yes, that bitch with the big google eyes )

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

And now Disney thinks the way to go is to keep Kennedy for the next 3 years and just "slow down" on the output.

Really?

Just further proof that these people have not one ****ing clue about SW and its fans.


Let me reiterate that:

"We're going to continue to pay this dumb bitch and failure of a Producer to sit on her ass and twiddle her thumbs while we purposefully deny fans new content until her contract runs out".

Great business model!