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10-10-2005, 03:58 PM | #121 |
MVP
Join Date: Oct 2005
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liar
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Posts: 12,016
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10-10-2005, 04:10 PM | #122 |
spelingspechalist
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Merriam Missouri
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In school one day, the teacher decided that for science class she
would teach about raw materials. She stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?" Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded and called on little Susie. Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche" The teacher smiled and then called on Little Adam. Little Adam stood up and said, "I would want silicon." The teacher said, "Adam, why silicon?" "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars parked outside of our house!!" |
Posts: 762
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10-10-2005, 04:20 PM | #123 | |
spelingspechalist
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Merriam Missouri
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Posts: 762
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10-10-2005, 04:34 PM | #124 |
spelingspechalist
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Merriam Missouri
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After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was
enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand. (This procedure also works in Tennessee, Arkansas, Virginia, Mississippi and West Virginia.) |
Posts: 762
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10-10-2005, 05:55 PM | #125 | |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2001
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Posts: 26,959
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10-10-2005, 05:57 PM | #126 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2001
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Hey Bio, come up for air dude. You are postin'em faster than we can read'em.
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Posts: 26,959
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10-11-2005, 08:53 AM | #127 | |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2001
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Posts: 26,959
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10-13-2005, 01:32 PM | #128 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2001
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A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence.
"Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, shoot!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my ducks!" |
Posts: 26,959
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10-13-2005, 01:39 PM | #129 |
Lurker Extraordinaire
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Wally World
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A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws." |
Posts: 5,640
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10-13-2005, 01:44 PM | #130 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2001
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'Vegetarian'
=An old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter.' |
Posts: 26,959
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10-14-2005, 11:30 AM | #131 |
turd herder extraordiaire
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: hickville,mo
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>>Little Tommy was in the 4th grade class when the teacher asked the
>>>children what their fathers did for a living. All of the typical >>>answers >>>came up fireman, policeman, salesman, etc...Tommy was being >>>uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his >>>father. >>> >>>"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his >>>clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offers really >>>good, >>>he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for >>>money. >>> >>>The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the >>>other >>>children to work on some coloring, and took little Tommy aside to >>>ask >>>him, "Is that really true about your father?" >>> >>>"No," said Tommy," He plays for the Chiefs, but I was too >>>embarrassed to >>>say so." >>> |
Posts: 2,249
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10-14-2005, 12:05 PM | #132 |
Waiting to be voted off
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Baltimore, MD
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Did you hear that since the Clinton Administration, there is an 11th commandment?
Thou shall not use thy rod on thy staff |
Posts: 2,584
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10-14-2005, 12:23 PM | #133 |
Waiting to be voted off
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Baltimore, MD
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What did Sam Houston's wife say to her lawyer during her divorce?
Remember the Alimo-ny! |
Posts: 2,584
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10-14-2005, 12:35 PM | #134 | |
MVP
Join Date: Sep 2003
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Posts: 28,527
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10-14-2005, 12:35 PM | #135 |
Live free or die hard
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Durango, CO
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Me and Iowanian are out walking around hunting when we come across a sheep with his head caught in a fence. I run up, pull down my pants and screw the sheep.
When I'm done I look over at Iowanian and say "your turn". Next thing I know Iowanian throws down his gun, runs up, pulls down his pants and sticks his head in the fence. |
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