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Old 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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I'm on a mission to shit
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
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Old 05-19-2014, 01:24 PM   #61
ShortRoundChief ShortRoundChief is offline
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After heart surgery it took me a week and some laxatives. It'll come and when it does it'll be glorious.
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Old 05-19-2014, 01:54 PM   #62
RaiderH8r RaiderH8r is offline
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In the mean time, install a seat belt and handles on your shitter.
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Old 05-19-2014, 01:56 PM   #63
Fire Me Boy! Fire Me Boy! is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.
Yep.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
PREPARE FOR BATTLE
PREPARE TO LOSE.
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Old 05-19-2014, 01:59 PM   #64
booger booger is online now
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Claythanoscopy
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booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:11 PM   #65
RaiderH8r RaiderH8r is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by booger View Post
Claythanoscopy
He'll probe the hell out of 3 inches of rectum.
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:11 PM   #66
hometeam hometeam is offline
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Just think of how good its going to feel when it comes out -

I have attached a gif that I think is appropriate.



Thank you, gentleman, you may now return to your business.
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:13 PM   #67
booger booger is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RaiderH8r View Post
He'll probe the hell out of 3 inches of rectum.


That dirty butt pirate!
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:14 PM   #68
Marcellus Marcellus is offline
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Just go buy a bag of those sugar free gummy bears. Problem solved.
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:14 PM   #69
Dayze Dayze is offline
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just don't get a prolapse.

(I looked that one up once on the internetz.....never again)
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:16 PM   #70
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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Update: 3:14 PM CDT

I continue to rip farts. Strangely, the beginning of each fart feels as if it might be the turd of destiny, that lets loose the tidal wave o shit....but I remain disappointed.

A courier has been dispatched to deliver this secret "magnesium" bomb. The Anus will not stand against this chemical warfare.
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Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:16 PM   #71
booger booger is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dayze View Post
just don't get a prolapse.

(I looked that one up once on the internetz.....never again)
Rectum? Damn near turned em inside out!
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booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:17 PM   #72
Dayze Dayze is offline
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"wave o' shit".

I didn't realize you were Irish
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:18 PM   #73
Buck Buck is offline
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:19 PM   #74
Dayze Dayze is offline
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once it's out, you should celebrate by eating a block of cheese.
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:20 PM   #75
booger booger is online now
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Get in the bathtub man gonna be shit everywhere
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booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.
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