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**Saul Good** · 10-25-2005, 01:25 PM

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Frankie · 10-25-2005, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saul Good

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Lame but funny.

greg63 · 09-25-2005, 09:59 PM

A horse walks into a bar, and the bar tender says "So, why the long face?"

ChiefFripp · 09-25-2005, 10:05 PM

Mine is the only funny one so far...

greg63 · 09-25-2005, 10:06 PM

An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class.
"How did that happen?" gasped her mother.
"It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."

Frankie · 09-25-2005, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greg63

An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class.
"How did that happen?" gasped her mother.
"It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."

First grader little Joey comes home from school and announces that he and his classmate Tammy have decided to get married. Amused at the cuteness of this, his parents ask:"What are you two going to live on?"

"Well," he says, "You are paying me $15 a week, Tammy gets $10 a week from her parents. We figure that should be enough for us."

"Where are you gonna live?" The parents ask.

"We've thought of that too." replies Joey, " One week here and the next at her parents' house."

Amused and impressed at how well the kids have thought this thing out the parents ask: "But, how about children?"

Joey pauses a second and replies: "Well, so far we've been pretty lucky!"

C-Mac · 09-25-2005, 10:43 PM

My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market.
I went and looked around and couldn't find any.

So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These
vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any
poisonous chemicals?"

"The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to
do that yourself."

greg63 · 09-25-2005, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frankie

First grader little Joey comes home from school and announces that he and his classmate Tammy have decided to get married. Amused at the cuteness of this, his parents ask:"What are you two going to live on?"

"Well," he says, "You are paying me $15 a week, Tammy gets $10 a week from her parents. We figure that should be enough for us."

"Where are you gonna live?" The parents ask.

"We've thought of that too." replies Joey, " One week here and the next at her parents' house."

Amused and impressed at how well the kids have thought this thing out the parents ask: "But, how about children?"

Joey pauses a second and replies: "Well, so far we've been pretty lucky!"

ChiefFripp · 09-25-2005, 10:07 PM

A nun walks into a toy rocket factory...

I had better save this one for another thread.

greg63 · 09-25-2005, 10:12 PM

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said.
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."

greg63 · 09-25-2005, 10:55 PM

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later...."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later:"Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

David. · 09-25-2005, 11:41 PM

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One turns to the other and says: "Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?" The other muffin turns to him and says:"AHHHH a talking muffin!"

Carlota69 · 12-08-2006, 09:49 PM

This guy dies and goes to hell. he's wandering around totally bummed when he runs into a demon

demon: Whats wrong?

dead guy: I'm in hell, this sucks.

demon: Oh dude, hell is awesome. We are throwing a party over in fire pit
86. Come with me.

So the demon and the dead guy go to this party and when they get there the dead guy notices a stage with instruments. All of the sudden joh bonham (led Zeppelin) gets on drums and start doing solos.

Dead guy: Oh dude, this is cool

Then Jimi hendrix gets on stage and starts jamming on the guitar

dead guy: Oh my god, I love this.

Then John Enwhistle (the Who) grabs the bass and starts strumming.

dead guy: Dude, this is so cool. hell aint so bad after all.

Just then karen Carpenter steps up on stage......

Carlota69 · 12-08-2006, 09:53 PM

Ok, same guys dies but he goes to heaven and is hanging with St peter and tjhey go to a party on cloud 86.

At the party there is a stage with instruments.

Same thing happens--John bonham gets up and does drums solos.

dead guy to St peter: Dude this is cool

Then jimi hendrix gets up and starts jamming.

Dead guy: Wow, this rocks.

The bono gets up and starts singing

dead guy: Wow, I didnt know Bono was dead.

St peter:He isn't. thats God, he just thinks he's Bono

10-25-2005, 01:25 PM	#2
Saul Good Quit your bullshit Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Bored of winning	A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Posts: 41,870

09-25-2005, 09:59 PM	#4
greg63 Homer go crazy!!! greg63's Avatar Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: SE Kansas	A horse walks into a bar, and the bar tender says "So, why the long face?"
Posts: 17,619

09-25-2005, 10:05 PM	#5
ChiefFripp Veteran Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: KC	Mine is the only funny one so far...
Posts: 2,579

09-25-2005, 10:06 PM	#6
greg63 Homer go crazy!!! greg63's Avatar Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: SE Kansas	An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother. "It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."
Posts: 17,619

09-25-2005, 10:43 PM	#8
C-Mac Lurker Extraordinaire C-Mac's Avatar Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Wally World	My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" "The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."
Posts: 5,637

09-25-2005, 10:07 PM	#10
ChiefFripp Veteran Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: KC	A nun walks into a toy rocket factory... I had better save this one for another thread.
Posts: 2,579

09-25-2005, 10:12 PM	#11
greg63 Homer go crazy!!! greg63's Avatar Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: SE Kansas	One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
Posts: 17,619

09-25-2005, 10:55 PM	#12
greg63 Homer go crazy!!! greg63's Avatar Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: SE Kansas	A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later:"Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
Posts: 17,619

09-25-2005, 11:41 PM	#13
David. . David.'s Avatar Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: University of Missouri	Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One turns to the other and says: "Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?" The other muffin turns to him and says:"AHHHH a talking muffin!"
Posts: 8,169

12-08-2006, 09:49 PM	#14
Carlota69 MVP Carlota69's Avatar Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Las Vegas	This guy dies and goes to hell. he's wandering around totally bummed when he runs into a demon demon: Whats wrong? dead guy: I'm in hell, this sucks. demon: Oh dude, hell is awesome. We are throwing a party over in fire pit 86. Come with me. So the demon and the dead guy go to this party and when they get there the dead guy notices a stage with instruments. All of the sudden joh bonham (led Zeppelin) gets on drums and start doing solos. Dead guy: Oh dude, this is cool Then Jimi hendrix gets on stage and starts jamming on the guitar dead guy: Oh my god, I love this. Then John Enwhistle (the Who) grabs the bass and starts strumming. dead guy: Dude, this is so cool. hell aint so bad after all. Just then karen Carpenter steps up on stage......
Posts: 6,592

12-08-2006, 09:53 PM	#15
Carlota69 MVP Carlota69's Avatar Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Las Vegas	Ok, same guys dies but he goes to heaven and is hanging with St peter and tjhey go to a party on cloud 86. At the party there is a stage with instruments. Same thing happens--John bonham gets up and does drums solos. dead guy to St peter: Dude this is cool Then jimi hendrix gets up and starts jamming. Dead guy: Wow, this rocks. The bono gets up and starts singing dead guy: Wow, I didnt know Bono was dead. St peter:He isn't. thats God, he just thinks he's Bono
Posts: 6,592