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Old 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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I'm on a mission to shit
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
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Old 05-20-2014, 09:33 PM   #301
Stanley Nickels Stanley Nickels is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
Just ate bean soup. My guts are gurglin' and quiverin' like a virgin on prom night.
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Old 05-20-2014, 10:06 PM   #302
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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#4 was a massive gas explosion with a tiny, solid chunk of excrement.

Kinda fun. I'd pay for a predator-vision replay of that shit. It honestly felt ****ing HUGE. But it was just the gas.

Last edited by Hammock Parties; 05-20-2014 at 10:19 PM..
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Old 05-20-2014, 10:11 PM   #303
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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5 total bowel movements over six days. I think I'm caught up now? Can it be not shitting time for awhile, Lord?
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Old 05-20-2014, 10:13 PM   #304
BigRedChief BigRedChief is offline
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Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
That's it.
This thread merit Hall of Classics consideration yet?

If not why not, it has all the key pieces that make a thread hall worthy.
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Old 05-21-2014, 05:16 AM   #305
TribalElder TribalElder is offline
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The thread is kind of shitty, that's why
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Old 05-21-2014, 05:18 AM   #306
bevischief bevischief is offline
....
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
Just ate bean soup. My guts are gurglin' and quiverin' like a virgin on prom night.
Teaspoon of baking soda takes cares of the gas.
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Old 05-21-2014, 06:44 AM   #307
penguinz penguinz is offline
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Originally Posted by Mosbonian View Post
I can help you test the theory....

Go to Wal-Mart and buy the already prepared 2 liter bottle of Grape Kool-Aid. Spend the next 2 days drinking nothing but that with your meals.

You will spend the next 2 days wondering if all you ate was lettuce and broccoli.
Only two litres of fluids in two days? That is less than you should have in a day even if you are not active.
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Old 05-21-2014, 06:52 AM   #308
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bevischief View Post
Teaspoon of baking soda takes cares of the gas.
If he's suffering from excessive acid, eating baking soda will create excess gas.
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Old 05-21-2014, 07:41 AM   #309
Dave Lane Dave Lane is offline
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Originally Posted by eDave View Post
Grape soda?
Purple drank...
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Old 05-21-2014, 07:54 AM   #310
Pasta Little Brioni Pasta Little Brioni is offline
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Should have left to go take a dump during speed dating
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Old 05-21-2014, 08:12 AM   #311
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
If he's suffering from excessive acid, eating baking soda will create excess gas.
What are you a ****ing chemist?
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Old 05-21-2014, 08:15 AM   #312
Pasta Little Brioni Pasta Little Brioni is offline
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Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
What are you a ****ing chemist?
Pothead
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Old 05-21-2014, 08:50 AM   #313
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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Originally Posted by PGM View Post
Pothead
Same thing, right?
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Old 05-21-2014, 11:13 AM   #314
CleveSteve CleveSteve is offline
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Thank you to all the participants of this thread. My fav CP thread since "Draw something fast" and the diarrhea elephant.
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Old 05-21-2014, 11:14 AM   #315
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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Originally Posted by CleveSteve View Post
Thank you to all the participants of this thread. My fav CP thread since "Draw something fast" and the diarrhea elephant.
We aim to please.
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