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**Rain Man** · 12-02-2004, 01:11 PM

Here's the situation:

You're home alone at 9:00 on a Wednesday. There's a half moon, waxing, and the skies are slightly overcast. During the commercial break for "Priest: NachoGate Revealed", you head to the refrigerator, but all you find in there is an aged jar of gherkins within only two left, a portion of a ham salad sandwich of unknown origins, and a gallon of milk just in case JennyGump ever visits. You need real food, and you need it now.

You go to the phone book, and open it to "Restaurants That Deliver." Unable to find any listings, you then unsuccessfully try to look up "Ghoulash to Go", "Durian Delivery", and "Steaks on the Hoof" before finally striking gold with "Pizza."

You shrug off the Ethiopian pizza place since they only offer Chick Pea as a topping, and decide against Pizza Hut since they use animal testing on their beef products. You settle on a local place called "War and Pizza" and order up your usual, along with a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew with Extra Caffeine.

The pizza arrives precisely 42 minutes later, being wielded by a sultry blonde who has the odd habit of tweaking her left nipple while waiting for you to sign the credit card slip. As you sign, she tells you that instead of a tip she would like nothing more than a night of kinky, loveless sex that involves jump rope, spumoni, her "special toy", and her cousin Contessa, but then she sees your signature and realizes that you're distant cousins thrice removed and she doesn't do that sort of thing. She leaves.

You open the pizza box, and it's a nice, mouthwatering pie, perfectly prepared by the ex-con who is working at the pizza place until he can pay for that first shipment of cocaine from Medellin. You pour the Mountain Dew, and for a few moments you autistically lose yourself in the fizzing bubbles, fizzing, fizzing, popping, rising through the yellow liquid like tiny universes heading toward their eventual destruction at the hand of a guzzling, unshaven God.

You pick up the pizza to take your first bite. Do you eat your pizza in from the crust, or do you eat it out from the point?

SPchief · 12-02-2004, 01:17 PM

**Skip Towne** · 12-02-2004, 01:18 PM

I'll have to get back to you on that.

Alton deFlat · 12-02-2004, 01:18 PM

I eat outward from the point..................... but sometimes I'm daring and eat at the Y.

**Baby Lee** · 12-02-2004, 01:21 PM

Outward from the point, stopping fastidiously at the cheese/crust Maginot Line.

**Rain Man** · 12-02-2004, 01:22 PM

I'm a crust-inward eater. I believe in deferred gratification.

The whole stuffed-crust thing really shook up my world.

**morphius** · 12-02-2004, 01:28 PM

Hmmm, I'm not sure what option fits. I normally rip the crust, where there is no toppings, off, and eat that first. Then I start at the point and eat my way back.

Its odd I know, but oh well.

**Baby Lee** · 12-02-2004, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morphius

Hmmm, I'm not sure what option fits. I normally rip the crust, where there is no toppings, off, and eat that first. Then I start at the point and eat my way back.

Its odd I know, but oh well.

Don't fill up on bread!!!!

**Rain Man** · 12-02-2004, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morphius

Hmmm, I'm not sure what option fits. I normally rip the crust, where there is no toppings, off, and eat that first. Then I start at the point and eat my way back.

Its odd I know, but oh well.

How odd and animalistic.

beavis · 12-02-2004, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ENDelt260

The crust is the handle.

Exactly! What the hell is wrong with you weirdos?

**Rain Man** · 12-02-2004, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beavis

Exactly! What the hell is wrong with you weirdos?

My babysitter shook me too hard, but that has nothing to do with this discussion.

JazzzLovr · 12-02-2004, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

...perfectly prepared by the ex-con who is working at the pizza place until he can pay for that first shipment of cocaine from Medellin...

Brad was trying to keep that on the down-low.

**morphius** · 12-02-2004, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

How odd and animalistic.

And I use a fork...

Morphius
Psychitrists dream about me.

JazzzLovr · 12-02-2004, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

...perfectly prepared by the ex-con who is working at the pizza place until he can pay for that first shipment of cocaine from Medellin...

--OR--

When did Brandon start working at a pizza joint?

patteeu · 12-02-2004, 01:58 PM

When possible, I eat my pizza with a fork.

Step 1) If the sauceless/cheeseless portion of crust is narrow, I proceed to Step 2, otherwise I start by using the fork to cut off the crust before proceeding to Step 2.

Step 2) I start at the crust (which may or may not be present at this point, refer to step 1) side of the triangle and make a cut parallel to that side and about 1.5 to 2 inches wide and proceed to Step 3.

Step 3) I then subdivide that strip into bite sized pieces by making cuts perpendicular to the cut made in Step 2. Proceed to Step 4.

Step 4) One by one, I eat the bite sized pieces produced in Step 3. Proceed to Step 5.

Step 5) If the remaining triangle can be eaten in one bite (in other words, the point is now bite sized), I do so. If not, I repeat steps 2 through 4 until it is.

If I don't have a fork, I'm a little bit less systematic, but I still try to save the point for last because it seems to usually have the highest topping/cheese to crust ratio which is my measure of merit.

I AM willing to deviate from this system if I decide that a different section of the pizza has a higher topping/cheese to crust ratio. In that event, I will save that piece until after finishing the point and then return to it at the end.

View Poll Results: How do you eat a slice of pizza?
I eat inward from the crust.	3	8.33%
I eat outward from the point.	28	77.78%
I eat across from the side.	0	0%
I eat up from the bottom, crust first and then toppings..	0	0%
I eat down from the top, toppings first and then the crust.	1	2.78%
I put the entire slice in my mouth at once.	3	8.33%
I don't eat pizza. It's all a big scam put in motion by the tomato sauce industry.	1	2.78%
Voters: 36. You may not vote on this poll

12-02-2004, 01:11 PM
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Rain Man's Avatar Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house	Pizza Eating. Here's the situation: You're home alone at 9:00 on a Wednesday. There's a half moon, waxing, and the skies are slightly overcast. During the commercial break for "Priest: NachoGate Revealed", you head to the refrigerator, but all you find in there is an aged jar of gherkins within only two left, a portion of a ham salad sandwich of unknown origins, and a gallon of milk just in case JennyGump ever visits. You need real food, and you need it now. You go to the phone book, and open it to "Restaurants That Deliver." Unable to find any listings, you then unsuccessfully try to look up "Ghoulash to Go", "Durian Delivery", and "Steaks on the Hoof" before finally striking gold with "Pizza." You shrug off the Ethiopian pizza place since they only offer Chick Pea as a topping, and decide against Pizza Hut since they use animal testing on their beef products. You settle on a local place called "War and Pizza" and order up your usual, along with a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew with Extra Caffeine. The pizza arrives precisely 42 minutes later, being wielded by a sultry blonde who has the odd habit of tweaking her left nipple while waiting for you to sign the credit card slip. As you sign, she tells you that instead of a tip she would like nothing more than a night of kinky, loveless sex that involves jump rope, spumoni, her "special toy", and her cousin Contessa, but then she sees your signature and realizes that you're distant cousins thrice removed and she doesn't do that sort of thing. She leaves. You open the pizza box, and it's a nice, mouthwatering pie, perfectly prepared by the ex-con who is working at the pizza place until he can pay for that first shipment of cocaine from Medellin. You pour the Mountain Dew, and for a few moments you autistically lose yourself in the fizzing bubbles, fizzing, fizzing, popping, rising through the yellow liquid like tiny universes heading toward their eventual destruction at the hand of a guzzling, unshaven God. You pick up the pizza to take your first bite. Do you eat your pizza in from the crust, or do you eat it out from the point?
Posts: 141,824

12-02-2004, 01:17 PM	#2
SPchief In Search of a Life SPchief's Avatar Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 36,007

12-02-2004, 01:18 PM	#3
Skip Towne Supporter Skip Towne's Avatar Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: T-Town	I'll have to get back to you on that.
Posts: 69,689

12-02-2004, 01:18 PM	#4
Alton deFlat The Sicilian Alton deFlat's Avatar Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Joplin, Missouri	I eat outward from the point..................... but sometimes I'm daring and eat at the Y.
Posts: 2,843

12-02-2004, 01:21 PM	#5
Baby Lee Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000	Outward from the point, stopping fastidiously at the cheese/crust Maginot Line.
Posts: 95,642

12-02-2004, 01:22 PM	#6
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Rain Man's Avatar Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house	I'm a crust-inward eater. I believe in deferred gratification. The whole stuffed-crust thing really shook up my world.
Posts: 141,824

12-02-2004, 01:28 PM	#7
morphius World's finest morphius morphius's Avatar Join Date: Aug 2000	Hmmm, I'm not sure what option fits. I normally rip the crust, where there is no toppings, off, and eat that first. Then I start at the point and eat my way back. Its odd I know, but oh well.
Posts: 25,985

12-02-2004, 01:58 PM	#15
patteeu The 23rd Pillar patteeu's Avatar Join Date: Sep 2002	When possible, I eat my pizza with a fork. Step 1) If the sauceless/cheeseless portion of crust is narrow, I proceed to Step 2, otherwise I start by using the fork to cut off the crust before proceeding to Step 2. Step 2) I start at the crust (which may or may not be present at this point, refer to step 1) side of the triangle and make a cut parallel to that side and about 1.5 to 2 inches wide and proceed to Step 3. Step 3) I then subdivide that strip into bite sized pieces by making cuts perpendicular to the cut made in Step 2. Proceed to Step 4. Step 4) One by one, I eat the bite sized pieces produced in Step 3. Proceed to Step 5. Step 5) If the remaining triangle can be eaten in one bite (in other words, the point is now bite sized), I do so. If not, I repeat steps 2 through 4 until it is. If I don't have a fork, I'm a little bit less systematic, but I still try to save the point for last because it seems to usually have the highest topping/cheese to crust ratio which is my measure of merit. I AM willing to deviate from this system if I decide that a different section of the pizza has a higher topping/cheese to crust ratio. In that event, I will save that piece until after finishing the point and then return to it at the end.
Posts: 110,871