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Old 02-13-2021, 05:09 PM  
Otter Otter is offline
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Location: Durango, CO
Women and Toilet Seats
Last night around 3:30am MST I wake up to a sound that I assumed someone was assaulting my wife in our bathroom It was so rowdy and roaring that even my loyal canine friend jumped up on the bed and pulled me off by my subtle, yet boldly anatomy defining boxer briefs to alert me that there's something awry in the otter abode.

Burgler? Nope.
Natural disaster? Nope.
Alien invasion? Nope

I forgot to put the toilet seat down and love of my life, the twinkle of my eye, the woman I want to be buried with (especially if I die first) went bare ass first into cold toilet water.

Grew up in a house with 4 men; My father, myself, and two brothers and and I sit down to take a dump at lease once a day and in my 40 years taking these movements I've never, not once, went ass first into toilet water.

I assume the toilet is up much like I assume the roads are going to be slick if it was snowing or if I reach for an horderve which has a flame underneath it's going to be hot.

If I forget to put the toilet seat down and you forget to check after 7 years the best answer I can come up with is "You can argue which one of us is more stupid" and I will not agree with you.

/EndMarriedLifeRant

Oh, and welcome to the post season!!!
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Old 02-13-2021, 05:12 PM   #2
displacedinMN displacedinMN is offline
It was not a fair catch
 
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odds are you die first.

either she kills you or you try to get away
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Old 02-13-2021, 05:14 PM   #3
TLO TLO is offline
Life is changing..
 
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Happy Valentine's Day!
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Old 02-13-2021, 05:15 PM   #4
Rain Man Rain Man is online now
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If she can't look out for her own wellbeing, she'll eventually be eaten by a large carnivore. That's how nature works.
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Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 02-13-2021, 05:17 PM   #5
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
I'll be back.
 
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you should put a live snake in there
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Old 02-13-2021, 05:19 PM   #6
seclark seclark is offline
MVP
 
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Lights were off, huh?
sec
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Old 02-13-2021, 05:29 PM   #7
Otter Otter is offline
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Originally Posted by Hammock Parties View Post
you should put a live snake in there
I think a shock ring around the porcelain would allow for quicker negative reinforcement results while negating me having to be on the lookout for snakes.
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Old 02-13-2021, 05:31 PM   #8
Katipan Katipan is offline
MER
 
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We just don't like to think you guys are rude.

When you lift the lid and pee, you occasionally dribble and or splash on the exposed rim.

When the lid gets lowered it comes in contact with the pee.

When we go to lower the lid after you pee we get to touch your pee.

It's bullshit.

Sit like the rest of us.
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Old 02-13-2021, 05:33 PM   #9
Hog's Gone Fishin Hog's Gone Fishin is offline
Fish are scared of me
 
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Just tell her any time she's done to leave the lid up or it'll be covered in piss.

Just like the floor!
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Old 02-13-2021, 05:33 PM   #10
sd4chiefs sd4chiefs is offline
error 404
 
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Originally Posted by seclark View Post
Lights were off, huh?
sec
Get on of these.



Or This
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sd4chiefs Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sd4chiefs Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sd4chiefs Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sd4chiefs Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sd4chiefs Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sd4chiefs Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sd4chiefs Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sd4chiefs Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sd4chiefs Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sd4chiefs Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sd4chiefs Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.
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Old 02-13-2021, 05:37 PM   #11
FAX FAX is offline
testing ... 1, 2, 3
 
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FYI ...

FAX UNIVERSITY offers a course that teaches women how to pee standing up.

Advanced classes begin in March.

FAX
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Old 02-13-2021, 05:37 PM   #12
Bwana Bwana is offline
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Originally Posted by sd4chiefs View Post
Get on of these.

Ha Ha neat idea, if you can talk the old hide into cleaning it.
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Old 02-13-2021, 05:38 PM   #13
Katipan Katipan is offline
MER
 
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Location: Colorado
Quote:
Originally Posted by FAX View Post
FYI ...

FAX UNIVERSITY offers a course that teaches women how to pee standing up.

Advanced classes begin in March.

FAX
We all know how to cut the side of a Mtn. Dew bottle.
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Old 02-13-2021, 05:50 PM   #14
Otter Otter is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katipan View Post
We just don't like to think you guys are rude.

When you lift the lid and pee, you occasionally dribble and or splash on the exposed rim.

When the lid gets lowered it comes in contact with the pee.

When we go to lower the lid after you pee we get to touch your pee.

It's bullshit.

Sit like the rest of us.
Men don't sit to pee for the same reason women don't ask for the check after dinner - simply don't have to.

The only times in life where my genital areas are exposed and I'm not paying attention to what's going on in the immediate area is sex and the doctor office. This flaw is a woman flaw.
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Old 02-13-2021, 05:50 PM   #15
Rain Man Rain Man is online now
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I'm getting pricing to redo a bathroom, and I'm currently including the Toto Washlet Supreme 350e bidet toilet. Among its many features are a night light and a motion sensor that raises and lowers the seat as you approach and leave. Apparently it can't differentiate gender, though, because it only raises the top lid upon approach. It lowers both when you leave, though.

https://www.bidetsplus.com/review-toto-s350e-S300e.html
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