You Ever Hurt or Injure Yourself in Weird Way?

[GabyKeepsMeWarm]

Doesn’t have to be spectacular…. Looking more for just odd, random happenstance kind of stuff here.

Right at Christmas, I was walking down one flight of stairs in my house down to the next, and my feet just slipped out from under me as I was going down that second flight. My left leg bent back under, and it all happened so fast I was honestly afraid to look down after I managed to unravel myself, figuring for sure that I had just broken my leg in the dumbest way ever. I was truly afraid to even look down. But there was my leg. Not disfigured or distorted, but holy shit, I could barely put any weight on it.

Maybe the worst part of this, is I had just got back home from scoring some tacos. Maybe I was too excited about tacos? I dunno….

But man, I was ****ed up. Lost my appetite. Tacos went in the fridge, I took a shit load of ibuprofen and went to bed.

Tacos of course were pretty crummy the next day, and it was a sad meal as I limped around the house. Found an old cane and actually had to use that ****er for two weeks. Felt like a character out of a Dickens novel.

It’s been a few weeks, I’ve still got a limp, stairs aren’t great, but I’m pretty sure I’m okay. Likely a sprained ankle, sprained/stretched MCL, but nothing more.

Did get me thinking though…. How do these football players do it? Seriously. Just throwing themselves into violence and often awkward moves when just one little thing can make something “pop”. I only played two years of high school football before getting my bell rung, and that was enough for me.

Anyway…. Curious to hear about weirdo dipshit injuries from you. Did you break your back sliding on ice while clearing your driveway? Stub your toe and end up in traction? Hop down a step a tear your calf? Share away!

[DrunkBassGuitar]

Originally Posted by wazu

For those who pull muscles and tweak things while doing random, seemingly benign tasks, start doing CrossFit and all of that will end.

Disclaimer: New challenge will be to not get hurt while doing CrossFit.

I don't do cross fit but I did focus on strengthening the muscles in my lower back and I haven't had an injury since.

Mostly do back hyperextensions on a roman chair and also weighted side bends.

[allen_kcCard]

When I was a kid, we got some sort of a package delivered that had a super big rubber band, about the circumference of a softball, but really thick and hard to stretch. I, being an older brother, thought it would be awesome to shoot at my younger brother, but I needed it pre-stretched over something to shoot off of, and a screwdriver was the perfect length.

So, in my infinite wisdom, put the rubber band over the handle end, and then held that between my thighs and was stretching the rubber band up over the point of the flat head screwdriver....

Handle slipped out at the last moment, and the rubber band turned into an atlatl and shot the screwdriver right at my eye. I amazingly escaped with a hole in my lower eyelid and a scratched cornea, but damn...I still have flashbacks and shudder at the thought.

[TEX]

When I was in high school, we used to go to the beach almost every weekend. We'd play this game where we would drive our pick up trucks side by side, at a certain spot called "the high road," and jump from one of the beds of a truck into the other bed of the truck, while going anywhere from 40 to 60 mph. Once, I landed too far in the truck and went over the side. Luckly for me, landed in the grass and rolled down the hill and almost landed in the river. Broke my ankle, but things could have been a lot worse.

[wazu]

Originally Posted by DrunkBassGuitar

I don't do cross fit but I did focus on strengthening the muscles in my lower back and I haven't had an injury since.

Mostly do back hyperextensions on a roman chair and also weighted side bends.

Yeah, it's really about doing varied weighted movements that strengthen all those core muscles that normally go unused in our day-to-day. CrossFit is one answer, but there are lots of programs that accomplish similar things.

[Frazod]

My car wash fiasco comes to mind. 1983, and I'd just bought my first car - a '77 Monza (that would later provide another fiasco, but at least it didn't come with another injury). Anyway, after a week or so it needed washed. Back in those days car wash hand sprayers didn't have triggers; you just put the quarters in and they started and kept going until the time expired. I deposited my coins, not noticing that the selector switch was in the "on" position, and the thing launched from the holder on the wall like a rocket. It was flying about all around the car, while I was desperately trying to catch it before it did any damage. Finally it bounced off my head and I caught it. At first I thought all was well until I felt something dripping off my chin. When I wiped my face and looked at my hand, it was solid red - the goddamn thing had caught me at the end of my left eyebrow and left a gash that would later take several stitches to close. I learned that day how much even minor head wounds bleed - I was pretty much covered in blood. I turned the thing off and went into the nearby gas station to call my stepmom to see if I was still on the their insurance - after calling me an idiot, she said yes. A woman and her little girl both screamed when they saw me. So I went to the hospital and got it stitched up. The scar is visible to this day.

Later, my friends started showing up at my apartment. I was the only person who had their own place, so it was the official party spot. By this point, I had a huge black eye and the throbbing pain had kicked in. When I told them what happened, being MY friends, they all pointed and laughed and told me what an asshole I was, which really didn't make me feel any better.

But the thing that really pissed me off - after all that shit, my car was still dirty.

[Wallcrawler]

I was sitting and watching the Chiefs put a beating on the Raiders (28 points in 1 quarter game) and eating a variety of miniature candy bars in the process.

My daughter comes to me with her toy stuffed dog, named Violet, and it's no longer talking. Assuming dead batteries, I grab a small screwdriver and begin the mundane task of changing batteries in a kids toy, all while keeping my focus on the game and trying to quiet the screeching of my sweet tooth, as I continued to slam these miniature candy bars.

Soon enough the batteries are changed, the toy is talking again and I can return to a guilt free trance, transfixed by the offensive display of fireworks put on by Patrick Mahomes.

In reaching for my next handful of chocolate bars, I notice my fingertips are stained with what looks to be the delicious chocolate of a Mr. Goodbar.

I quickly lick my fingers clean not wanting to waste a bit of the blood thickening candy, as I rummage through the bag for my next victim.

A sudden, violent burning sensation engulfed my tongue, and bottom lip. My first thought was that my wife had pranked me by placing a hot chili pepper candy bar in my bag, because holy **** was my mouth on fire.

I begin swearing, profusely and my wife looks over and asks wtf am I talking about, and I begin to bust dance moves I haven't used since the sixth grade school dance.

She asks me what the hell is all over my jeans, and I look down to see dark brown blotches all over my pants, and I realize that the batteries I'd taken out of my daughter's toy had actually ruptured, and the brown substance I'd licked from my fingers was not melted Mr. Goodbar, it was mother ****ing battery acid.

Battery acid that was now burning the living shit out of my mouth.

About 45 minutes of mouthrinsing and half a box of my wife's Creamsicle Popsicles, the incessant burning abated and everyone continues to bring the shit up every time there's a game on and I get asked to do something in the middle of it.

Huh huh try not to lick any battery acid huh huh. Better pay attention huh huh.

I thought it was ****ing melted chocolate for ****s sake.

[wazu]

Originally Posted by Wallcrawler

I was sitting and watching the Chiefs put a beating on the Raiders (28 points in 1 quarter game) and eating a variety of miniature candy bars in the process.

My daughter comes to me with her toy stuffed dog, named Violet, and it's no longer talking. Assuming dead batteries, I grab a small screwdriver and begin the mundane task of changing batteries in a kids toy, all while keeping my focus on the game and trying to quiet the screeching of my sweet tooth, as I continued to slam these miniature candy bars.

Soon enough the batteries are changed, the toy is talking again and I can return to a guilt free trance, transfixed by the offensive display of fireworks put on by Patrick Mahomes.

In reaching for my next handful of chocolate bars, I notice my fingertips are stained with what looks to be the delicious chocolate of a Mr. Goodbar.

I quickly lick my fingers clean not wanting to waste a bit of the blood thickening candy, as I rummage through the bag for my next victim.

A sudden, violent burning sensation engulfed my tongue, and bottom lip. My first thought was that my wife had pranked me by placing a hot chili pepper candy bar in my bag, because holy **** was my mouth on fire.

I begin swearing, profusely and my wife looks over and asks wtf am I talking about, and I begin to bust dance moves I haven't used since the sixth grade school dance.

She asks me what the hell is all over my jeans, and I look down to see dark brown blotches all over my pants, and I realize that the batteries I'd taken out of my daughter's toy had actually ruptured, and the brown substance I'd licked from my fingers was not melted Mr. Goodbar, it was mother ****ing battery acid.

Battery acid that was now burning the living shit out of my mouth.

About 45 minutes of mouthrinsing and half a box of my wife's Creamsicle Popsicles, the incessant burning abated and everyone continues to bring the shit up every time there's a game on and I get asked to do something in the middle of it.

Huh huh try not to lick any battery acid huh huh. Better pay attention huh huh.

I thought it was ****ing melted chocolate for ****s sake.

I think this one takes grand prize.

[BigRedChief]

It didn't hurt me physically but it hurt a lot. The loss was tremendous.

I was traveling around the world. Had film rolls I was going to have developed from France, Germany etc from all over Europe. The place wasn't open for a few hours so I went down to the boardwalk and check it out, It was wet from the spray of the waves hitting it, I slipped and fell on my ass. Didnt hurt me but, the film rolls were in my back pocket. The rolls were smashed open and the photos ruined.

[Lzen]

Originally Posted by Spott

The first time a dropped in on a half pipe I broke my pinky toe and it still sticks out now 36 years later. Good news is I successfully dropped in later that day.

You just reminded me of another story that my cousin, Travis told me. My cousins had a half pipe in their back yard when they were teenagers. Needless to say, all their skater friends hung out there all the time. One time, there was a nail sticking up (hey, it was a home built half pipe) and one of the guys got his sack ripped open.

[Lzen]

Originally Posted by DrunkBassGuitar

sleep paralysis demons are a tricky lot

I have heard of this phenomenon. My good friend has talked to me about this. Actually, I think I, too may have experienced it. Freaky.

[DJ's left nut]

Was in Texas visiting my buddy. We both had relatively young children (1 and 2) so we took them to his local church for their play area.

His wife taught Sunday School or something so she unlocked the place and we're in their climbing area. Buddy and I, being overgrown children, decide we're going to do an American Gladiators speed run of the play set.

So I go first and get up the net, make it through a couple tunnels and out the backside of the next one. There's a 'net' floor with a punching bag thing hanging in the middle of it. In order to save time, I decide I'm going to frog leap from my tunnel exit, over the net, into the next tunnel and then slide down to the next section. So I go leaping through the punching bag thing...

...and the 'opening' on the other side had a bar dead ass in the middle of it that was obscured by the hanging punching bag. I hit that mother ****er in full flight, face first. Now fortunately it has a pad around the bar - unfortunately the pad is held on by a zip tie. The corner of that zip tip catches me in the forehead and just filets my ass.

The whole thing shudders, my friend from the bottom says "man, you alright?" and I pull my hands away from my head just COVERED in blood. It's bad enough that it's running into my eyes and already starting to clot so big ol' hunks of clotted blood are splashing all over the inside of the church's play area.

So I make my way through it, get to the bottom and his little 2 year old son sees me, turns white, screams and runs away (meanwhile I've completely lost my daughter at this point - evidently she ran away as well, wife had to hunt for her while we were getting me patched up).

We sneak past the janitor (as again, we unlocked the church - we weren't supposed to be there) and take all the paper towels in any restroom we can find to A) smash against my head and B) clean the blood I've strewn all about the church play area.

Go to the emergency room, get my 20 odd stitches and about 10 years later I still have a decent little scar right at my hairline (or what used to be my hairline). Mostly shows up a bit in the summer when I tan.

But yeah, that's easily my stupidest injury both in terms of cause and context. Maiming myself on a church playset that we took our children out to play on with my 30 year old buddy because we're both stupid children that refuse to actually grow up.

[BWillie]

Been pretty lucky. Not very injury prone but when I was a child I was sitting outside of Earl May and they had a bunch of railroad ties tied up. I was standing by them and for some reason I wanted to just test how sturdy they were with my foot and they all came tumbling out breaking my leg. Come to think of it that was a really unsafe display.

[KCUnited]

Hoo boy...

I tripped while playing with our cat in 2017 and fractured my C2 vertebra into 2 separate pieces

Of course I didn't think I had just broken my neck so I went about my business and ultimately went to sleep and progressively got more and more sore as the night went

The next morning I promised my wife I would go to urgent care, so I walked the 4 blocks to UC, filled out the paperwork in the lobby, and finally went back for an xray

The tech came running out, pale white and was like sir do not make another move. She slapped a neck brace on me, called an ambulance and the shit show was on

[ThaVirus]

Originally Posted by allen_kcCard

When I was a kid, we got some sort of a package delivered that had a super big rubber band, about the circumference of a softball, but really thick and hard to stretch. I, being an older brother, thought it would be awesome to shoot at my younger brother, but I needed it pre-stretched over something to shoot off of, and a screwdriver was the perfect length.

So, in my infinite wisdom, put the rubber band over the handle end, and then held that between my thighs and was stretching the rubber band up over the point of the flat head screwdriver....

Handle slipped out at the last moment, and the rubber band turned into an atlatl and shot the screwdriver right at my eye. I amazingly escaped with a hole in my lower eyelid and a scratched cornea, but damn...I still have flashbacks and shudder at the thought.

Originally Posted by TEX

When I was in high school, we used to go to the beach almost every weekend. We'd play this game where we would drive our pick up trucks side by side, at a certain spot called "the high road," and jump from one of the beds of a truck into the other bed of the truck, while going anywhere from 40 to 60 mph. Once, I landed too far in the truck and went over the side. Luckly for me, landed in the grass and rolled down the hill and almost landed in the river. Broke my ankle, but things could have been a lot worse.

These stories piss me off so much. Kids are so ****ing stupid.

[Lzen]

Originally Posted by Wallcrawler

I was sitting and watching the Chiefs put a beating on the Raiders (28 points in 1 quarter game) and eating a variety of miniature candy bars in the process.

My daughter comes to me with her toy stuffed dog, named Violet, and it's no longer talking. Assuming dead batteries, I grab a small screwdriver and begin the mundane task of changing batteries in a kids toy, all while keeping my focus on the game and trying to quiet the screeching of my sweet tooth, as I continued to slam these miniature candy bars.

Soon enough the batteries are changed, the toy is talking again and I can return to a guilt free trance, transfixed by the offensive display of fireworks put on by Patrick Mahomes.

In reaching for my next handful of chocolate bars, I notice my fingertips are stained with what looks to be the delicious chocolate of a Mr. Goodbar.

I quickly lick my fingers clean not wanting to waste a bit of the blood thickening candy, as I rummage through the bag for my next victim.

A sudden, violent burning sensation engulfed my tongue, and bottom lip. My first thought was that my wife had pranked me by placing a hot chili pepper candy bar in my bag, because holy **** was my mouth on fire.

I begin swearing, profusely and my wife looks over and asks wtf am I talking about, and I begin to bust dance moves I haven't used since the sixth grade school dance.

She asks me what the hell is all over my jeans, and I look down to see dark brown blotches all over my pants, and I realize that the batteries I'd taken out of my daughter's toy had actually ruptured, and the brown substance I'd licked from my fingers was not melted Mr. Goodbar, it was mother ****ing battery acid.

Battery acid that was now burning the living shit out of my mouth.

About 45 minutes of mouthrinsing and half a box of my wife's Creamsicle Popsicles, the incessant burning abated and everyone continues to bring the shit up every time there's a game on and I get asked to do something in the middle of it.

Huh huh try not to lick any battery acid huh huh. Better pay attention huh huh.

I thought it was ****ing melted chocolate for ****s sake.