When do you have a "talk" with your child's Coach?

[petegz28]

So my Son is 8 years old and playing in competitive soccer. I will be the first to admit that on his team of 9 he probably ranks 6th or 7th. Maybe 5th on a good day. He is disciplined, works hard, knows his game but is just one of the slower kids and not the strongest shooter. Usually plays Left or Right Back.

The Coach has had a tendency to play him less than the others and generally I am okay with that because at times he plays quite a bit. Then some things happened and I am not real sure how to approach it.

In a tournament we won our first 2 games and were an automatic lock for the finals. The 3rd game literally meant absolutely nothing. My Son's Coach decided to play the "best players" into the ground and my Son got to play all of 10 minutes of a 50 minute game in a game that meant literally nothing. I was pissed but said nothing.

Then tonight at practice the Coach handed out MVP Pins to 5 of of the 8 kids that were there and one to a kid who was practicing with us but not on our team. He said they "tried hard" the last game. The irony is my Son played most of the last game and more than just about anyone else, and one of the kids that didn't get a pin had 2 goals. So the "they tried hard" crap doesn't seem to make sense.

I thought that was a pretty shitty way to handle that situation as we had 2 subs that game, it was very hot and all the kids played their ass off and we won 7-1.

Our Coach is 22, and it's his first year coaching a team. I try to keep that in mind. I also have to keep in mind that if I piss him off he could plant my Son on the bench the rest of the season. Also with tryouts for next season coming up in a couple of weeks, I'd hate to do something to jeopardize my Son.

On the other hand, I see it as I am paying good $'s to play in this league and a dick move is a dick move.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

[Eleazar]

well said cdcox ^

there is a good opportunity here to teach the kid to work harder and earn his place

if he just isn't good and it's not something hard work can fix, accept his place or move on to something that is a more productive use of his time and talent. No shame there, and a lesson for life.

the dad demanding more playing time by complaining and pressuring the coach won't help the kid in the end. Steady examples like that, i deserve this thing and shouldn't have to earn it or fight for it, could give the kid an entitlement mentality that will hurt him in life quite a bit

[Pitt Gorilla]

Don't do anything because it really doesn't ****ing matter. FFS, man.

[oldman]

I'm confused about your son's team next year. Will he change coaches or will his present coach move up with him? If there's a coaching change, then it's probably best you just keep your mouth shut. If the coach moves with the team and other parents have the same concern, it might be wise to speak to the club management.

Two of my grandkids play on very competitive teams in the KC metro and you do have to shell out a lot of cash for that. One grandkid plays on a National team, so that's even more. The question you have to ask yourself is would your kid be happier playing at a lower level or is he playing for you?

[bringbackmarty]

He's 22, end of story.your kid is 8. Not going to be his last rodeo.

[Mile High Mania]

Originally Posted by bringbackmarty

He's 22, end of story.your kid is 8. Not going to be his last rodeo.

Yeah… I get it, as a parent and a former youth coach. Parents have good intentions, but they’re also one of the biggest problems. If you don’t make it a big deal, neither will your kid. They want to win and have fun, and if there’s a shake in it for them afterwards, triple bonus.

Kids are resilient and don’t think about this as much as parents do. Support and tell him to play hard. That’s all you can do.

[Mile High Mania]

Also, competitive leagues at the age of 8 are a different ballgame if you’re talking like select soccer level. If that’s it and you’re paying big dollars for 8 year old soccer, let it play out.

My daughter played volleyball from K-12, spent 6 years at the competitive club level. There were many times my head wanted to explode. The kid has to want to change abs the kid has to be the one to talk to the coach. After that, then you can talk to the coach.

If your kid isn’t ready for that, don’t play at that level… he’ll, he’s 8.

[Mile High Mania]

Originally Posted by Razaele

youth sports Karen is the worst Karen

Yeah and outside of church related sports leagues… practices are 100% equal time and focus. Games are not, unless you are more recreational than competitive.

I will say that 8 is pretty young to have the pressure, and if on a team of 8, your kid is admittedly in the bottom 3 … reset expectations.

[petegz28]

Originally Posted by oldman

I'm confused about your son's team next year. Will he change coaches or will his present coach move up with him? If there's a coaching change, then it's probably best you just keep your mouth shut. If the coach moves with the team and other parents have the same concern, it might be wise to speak to the club management.

Two of my grandkids play on very competitive teams in the KC metro and you do have to shell out a lot of cash for that. One grandkid plays on a National team, so that's even more. The question you have to ask yourself is would your kid be happier playing at a lower level or is he playing for you?

Each Coach has like 4 teams, 1 at each age level. On our age level our Coach has the Div 4 team. On the next age level he has the Div 3 team. So if my son moves up a division he will get the same coach. I am hoping he stays in the same and gets this other Coach.

[Holladay]

I felt the same way with my kids and soccer. So I became a Coach and ruled our league.
I did play the game in HS, so I had an edge.

[petegz28]

Originally Posted by Pitt Gorilla

Don't do anything because it really doesn't ****ing matter. FFS, man.

It matters a lot to these kids. Maybe not so much to us parents.

[petegz28]

Originally Posted by Holladay

I felt the same way with my kids and soccer. So I became a Coach and ruled our league.
I did play the game in HS, so I had an edge.

Maybe we got a bit spoiled. His first coach was awesome and loved to work with and teach the kids. We had him for 3 seasons. Then we moved up and had another really good coach. Then his last 2 seasons he got some bad ones, first timers. We switched leagues this last year because the coach he had was more worried about her soccer career than coaching the kids. This guy we have now I think is genuinely well intentioned but very inexperienced. Especially when it comes to dealing with younger kids.

[petegz28]

Originally Posted by Vladimir_Kyrilytch

OP, you dont need to capitalize "Son". Unless youre talking about the Son of Man, Jesus Christ himself. "son" is fine.

Meh, never paid much attention but good call...

[Coogs]

Originally Posted by petegz28

Well that's just it. We have "evaluations" and he tells me Son all this good stuff and tells him he is right in the middle of the pack in ranking but then doesn't really act like that.

I try to chalk it up to he is 22 and he really is not a good coach. Very inconsistent, micromanaging, loves to hear himself talk, plays favorites, etc.

I keep telling myself it's probably not worth saying anything but then when is it?

And there it is. This doesn't require any explination.

[DJay23]

As a middle school teacher I can tell you from experience that snowplow parenting is real. You are only talking about it here, but resist the urge to clear the path for your child. It is RUINING this generation. Parent your child on how to deal with adversity and to continue working hard.

[petegz28]

Originally Posted by Coogs

And there it is. This doesn't require any explination.

I should clarify that when I say he plays favorites, I mean he plays favorites. The main one being the son the team's Admin. The kid is fast but yeah. He can make the all the mistakes everyone else gets pulled for and never get pulled. If he does get pulled it's to get a drink then right back in.

Then I found out at one point that the coach sent out an offer to some of the kids on the team for private lessons. He did not make the offer to the entire team. Only 3 or 4 kids. The 3 that took him up on the offer play a lot even though they are not as good as some of the others. But can't piss off the parents or the side gig goes away, right?