When do you have a "talk" with your child's Coach?

[petegz28]

So my Son is 8 years old and playing in competitive soccer. I will be the first to admit that on his team of 9 he probably ranks 6th or 7th. Maybe 5th on a good day. He is disciplined, works hard, knows his game but is just one of the slower kids and not the strongest shooter. Usually plays Left or Right Back.

The Coach has had a tendency to play him less than the others and generally I am okay with that because at times he plays quite a bit. Then some things happened and I am not real sure how to approach it.

In a tournament we won our first 2 games and were an automatic lock for the finals. The 3rd game literally meant absolutely nothing. My Son's Coach decided to play the "best players" into the ground and my Son got to play all of 10 minutes of a 50 minute game in a game that meant literally nothing. I was pissed but said nothing.

Then tonight at practice the Coach handed out MVP Pins to 5 of of the 8 kids that were there and one to a kid who was practicing with us but not on our team. He said they "tried hard" the last game. The irony is my Son played most of the last game and more than just about anyone else, and one of the kids that didn't get a pin had 2 goals. So the "they tried hard" crap doesn't seem to make sense.

I thought that was a pretty shitty way to handle that situation as we had 2 subs that game, it was very hot and all the kids played their ass off and we won 7-1.

Our Coach is 22, and it's his first year coaching a team. I try to keep that in mind. I also have to keep in mind that if I piss him off he could plant my Son on the bench the rest of the season. Also with tryouts for next season coming up in a couple of weeks, I'd hate to do something to jeopardize my Son.

On the other hand, I see it as I am paying good $'s to play in this league and a dick move is a dick move.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

[BigRedChief]

Originally Posted by The Franchise

This is comp soccer. Your last sentence doesn’t work at all.

1. These coaches need licenses and get paid, so you aren’t helping him coach.
2. Cutting some slack only goes so far when you’re paying a decent amount of money to have your kid play. Some of these coaches are complete shit. I’ve dealt with one of them in the past and it took us moving my daughter to a different club. Plus it set her behind in development.

Originally Posted by The Franchise

Most comp soccer teams pay their coaches if they are part of a club. It’s because of all of the time and travel they have to spend. Plus the licensing that’s required.

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I did a research study for a youth soccer club (edit: league, not club) a while back, and they were importing coaches from Europe. This was a suburban youth soccer league.

I repeat for emphasis: they were importing coaches from Europe.

Originally Posted by notorious

JFC

That's insanity.

What this guy said..

[BigRedChief]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I did a research study for a youth soccer club (edit: league, not club) a while back, and they were importing coaches from Europe. This was a suburban youth soccer league.

I repeat for emphasis: they were importing coaches from Europe.

Do elementary aged baseball coaches get paid too these days?

[petegz28]

Originally Posted by kcclone

Sounds like he's an ass. Not sure there is a good answer, other than trying to find a better coaching fit next season. Still, it's a lose-lose situation to get too involved.

My only other advice, is to back off a little and let your kid breathe. Going to every practice seems a little helipcopter'ish for second graders who have been playing for more than a couple of years.

Meh, I go because by the time I would drop him off and then come home, I would be just going right back. Plus I play the surrogate Parent in helping kids get to Goal Keeper training or giving rides, etc. Other Parents come too but they either go walking around, which I do sometimes or sit in their cars. Plus, I never played soccer so it's a good learning experience for me as well and I can see what the Coach is doing so I know how to help my kid when he practices at home.

But I would say he is a bit of an ass, but maybe not intentionally. The last tournament we were in we lost every game and all he could do after every game was yell at the kids. He doesn't do a lot to build up their desire to play the game.

[tooge]

Dont sweat it. Hes 8. My son played rec baseball till he was 10. He and I worked on skills and athleticism on his own time. Hes now playing in college. Its a tough pill to swallow right now but at 8u, 60 percent of ghe kids playing wont be playing in five years. Work hard on your own, ler the coach know your commitment level, and go down a skill level if need be. Dont let your ego get in your sons way. Finally, choke out the other parents!

[petegz28]

Originally Posted by tooge

Dont sweat it. Hes 8. My son played rec baseball till he was 10. He and I worked on skills and athleticism on his own time. Hes now playing in college. Its a tough pill to swallow right now but at 8u, 60 percent of ghe kids playing wont be playing in five years. Work hard on your own, ler the coach know your commitment level, and go down a skill level if need be. Dont let your ego get in your sons way. Finally, choke out the other parents!

Speaking of the other parents, we played up 2 U8 kids from the Academy team in our tournaments and we almost had to forfeit a game because the parents of those 2 were constantly yelling at the Ref. One of our Parents even wrote the Coach about it saying basically we would rather lose all the games than win with that kind of shit but he never received any sort of reply and those 2 kids continue to play up in tournaments.

That all being said, my Son puts in a ton of effort off the practice field including private lessons and our Coach knows it. He is supposedly friends with the Coach we have for private lessons. I am not saying that should buy him any favor but as a Coach, you have to understand when a kid really cares and is putting in the effort vs. just showing up and playing.

And I am all for staying in this division or going down if it means he gets away from this Coach.

[Iowanian]

I’ve. Coached 3 sports for around 13 years. This year I didn’t coach baseball.

It bugs me that they don’t take infield. It bugs me that they don’t practice ground balls. It bugs me there isn’t any hitting before a game. It bugs me that kids that shouldn’t be in key positions are….they’re the kids of the new coaches….who have complained about their sons lack of playing time or key positions in other sports. One of them took a grounder to the eye tonight. It bugs me that they let the pitchers struggle without going to the mound, or noticing basic things like a heal hitting before a toe, or a hand turned sideways at release….

I didn’t coach this year….so I don’t say shit about it. I choose to hit some ground balls to my kid and a friend on our time. I play catch with me kid. I spend time at the hitting cage with my kid and others who want to go where I do. I offer suggestions to boys I know where I think it will help. But I don’t say shit to the coach.

The problem as a parent, for the coaching side, is there are other factors. I had a mom bitch at me for not having enough practices a few years ago. I was working 2 jobs, remodeling a house….and my response…during the game when she complained was “ I woke up in Alaska at 2am this morning, spent all day flying, got in my truck, drove here, changed my shirt in the parking lot 20 min before the game and I’m here….coaching your kid….before I went home to take a shit.

I’ve had a kid piss on my hands while I helped him put on catchers knee guards….I’ve had adults try to fight me while I bought popsicles for my team….I’ve had parents who didn’t understand that their kid can’t be quarterback because he’s too stupid to know left from right, or remember 2 plays in a row. He can’t be a runn8 g back because he’s afraid to get hit and cried when I tried to put him in when someone got hurt. Maybe the kid does t work hard in practice. Maybe he backtalked a coach. Maybe the coach heard the kid was bullying a teammate at school. There are reasons.

Maybe the coach is an idiot….but he’s coaching.
Maybe your kid needs to work more, that’s what I tell mine if they don’t like their role.
Maybe the kid is just meant to be a great teammate.

A parents job is to bring their kid to practices and games…..sit in the bleachers and cheer.

If you don’t like it, pass your back ground check, pay your fee and sign up to coach next season.

[petegz28]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

I’ve. Coached 3 sports for around 13 years. This year I didn’t coach baseball.

It bugs me that they don’t take infield. It bugs me that they don’t practice ground balls. It bugs me there isn’t any hitting before a game. It bugs me that kids that shouldn’t be in key positions are….they’re the kids of the new coaches….who have complained about their sons lack of playing time or key positions in other sports. One of them took a grounder to the eye tonight. It bugs me that they let the pitchers struggle without going to the mound, or noticing basic things like a heal hitting before a toe, or a hand turned sideways at release….

I didn’t coach this year….so I don’t say shit about it. I choose to hit some ground balls to my kid and a friend on our time. I play catch with me kid. I spend time at the hitting cage with my kid and others who want to go where I do. I offer suggestions to boys I know where I think it will help. But I don’t say shit to the coach.

The problem as a parent, for the coaching side, is there are other factors. I had a mom bitch at me for not having enough practices a few years ago. I was working 2 jobs, remodeling a house….and my response…during the game when she complained was “ I woke up in Alaska at 2am this morning, spent all day flying, got in my truck, drove here, changed my shirt in the parking lot 20 min before the game and I’m here….coaching your kid….before I went home to take a shit.

I’ve had a kid piss on my hands while I helped him out on catchers knee guards….I’ve had adults try to fight me while I bought popsicles for my team….I’ve had parents who didn’t understand that their kid can’t be quarterback because he’s too stupid to know left from right, or remember 2 plays in a row. He can’t be a runn8 g back because he’s afraid to get hit and cried when I tried to put him in when someone got hurt. Maybe the kid does t work hard in practice. Maybe he backtalked a coach. Maybe the coach heard the kid was bullying a teammate at school. There are reasons.

Maybe the coach is an idiot….but he’s coaching.
Maybe your kid needs to work more, that’s what I tell mine if they don’t like their role.
Maybe the kid is just meant to be a great teammate.

A parent skin is to being their kid to practices and games…..sit in the bleachers and cheer.

If you don’t like it, pass your back ground check, pay your fee and sign up to coach next season.

Oh I definitely get it. Parents can be a complete pain in the ass. I helped Coach my Son's Rec team last summer. But I also understand that's the shit you just have to put up with because it's about the kids. Taking some pride in helping a kid learn, understand and love the game, especially at younger ages, means more than winning. Probably why our Rec team kicked ass.

Great contrast, the Gal that coached our Rec team actually had Goal Keeper gloves for whomever played Goal Keeper and you didn't play without them. Thsi Coach not only didn't have gloves, I bought some for the team however, he was ready to send my Son in at Goal Keeper without the gloves because my Son couldn't get them on by himself. Then he gave me a dirty look when I wouldn't let my Son go in without them and ran over to help him get them on.

I'm not so sure this guy is Coaching for the right reasons. Maybe his heart is in the right place but his head isn't.

[Chiefshrink]

Have you compared his experience on this soccer team and paralleling it with life ? That life for the most part is not fair and regardless of his hard work and production that at times won't get any acknowledgement. There are no guarantees. But I do get where you are coming from.

It's sad that as the more narcissistic our society becomes the more the childhood is taken away from the kids who are not allowed to be kids because coaches and parents haven't worked through their own personal sh** and thus project big time making everyone miserable around them. I am not saying this is your situation BUT as some have said as you and your son progress in his athletic career whatever sport he participates in you will find more often than not coaches(well meaning even) have personal issues and be ready for it. It's a fine line when to address things with the coach and when not to because it may be a huge life lesson to be learned by your son that might get ruined if you intervene and vice versa.

[Iowanian]

I should point out I’ve never been paid….and coaching probably costs me $500-1k per season in supplies, gas Ed.


On the other hand I guess paid clubs are a little different. I take my son to a wrestling club out of town for coaching because I’ve reached the limit if what I can teach him and I don’t want to be a limiting factor. If I had an issue with results, or the process, or the system, or the coaches decisions or treatment of my kid or others….I’d choose a different available option.


That said, the parents of club sports kids can be complete assholes with unrealistic expectations. Sometimes a kid/parent and club aren’t a good fit for whatever reason.


Also….spending $50k on your 8 year old to be the best travel ball kid on the planet very rarely results in a professional career or college scholarship that returns the investment…..and too many times, overly competitive parents push kids too hard, and bitch about coaching…burn the kid out and they quit or change sports when ot starts to matter.

We talked to a boy in another town tonight that’s been a good wrestler since 1st grade…and now that he’s going into jr high….says he’s done.

[Chiefshrink]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

I should point out I’ve never been paid….and coaching probably costs me $500-1k per season in supplies, gas Ed.


On the other hand I guess paid clubs are a little different. I take my son to a wrestling club out of town for coaching because I’ve reached the limit if what I can teach him and I don’t want to be a limiting factor. If I had an issue with results, or the process, or the system, or the coaches decisions or treatment of my kid or others….I’d choose a different available option.


That said, the parents of club sports kids can be complete assholes with unrealistic expectations. Sometimes a kid/parent and club aren’t a good fit for whatever reason.


Also….spending $50k on your 8 year old to be the best travel ball kid on the planet very rarely results in a professional career or college scholarship that returns the investment…..and too many times, overly competitive parents push kids too hard, and bitch about coaching…burn the kid out and they quit or change sports when ot starts to matter.

We talked to a boy in another town tonight that’s been a good wrestler since 1st grade…and now that he’s going into jr high….says he’s done.

Yep !! Some parents because they pay big bucks regardless of the talent of their kid should be playing A LOT !!

[petegz28]

Originally Posted by Chiefshrink

Have you compared his experience on this soccer team and paralleling it with life ? That life for the most part is not fair and regardless of his hard work and production that at times won't get any acknowledgement. There are no guarantees. But I do get where you are coming from.

It's sad that as the more narcissistic our society becomes the more the childhood is taken away from the kids who are not allowed to be kids because coaches and parents haven't worked through their own personal sh** and thus project big time making everyone miserable around them. I am not saying this is your situation BUT as some have said as you and your son progress in his athletic career whatever sport he participates in you will find more often than not coaches(well meaning even) have personal issues and be ready for it. It's a fine line when to address things with the coach and when not to because it may be a huge life lesson to be learned by your son that might get ruined if you intervene and vice versa.

We had this very talk tonight. I explained to my Son that life isn't fair and that just because you work harder and may deserve things more than others, often times you will be looked over and those who don't deserve credit will get it anyway.

He knows he just has to keep working hard. Every time we experience one of these set backs, he just sees it as motivation to prove them wrong. He may not ever prove them wrong but I have to support him in his effort to do so.

[Chiefshrink]

Originally Posted by tooge

Dont sweat it. Hes 8. My son played rec baseball till he was 10. He and I worked on skills and athleticism on his own time. Hes now playing in college. Its a tough pill to swallow right now but at 8u, 60 percent of ghe kids playing wont be playing in five years. Work hard on your own, ler the coach know your commitment level, and go down a skill level if need be. Dont let your ego get in your sons way. Finally, choke out the other parents!

[Imon Yourside]

I wouldn't accept anything less than having my son on the cover of EA Sports FIFA

[petegz28]

Originally Posted by Imon Yourside

I wouldn't accept anything less than having my son on the cover of EA Sports FIFA

Right? You would be surprised though at how some of these Parents are with their kids. The "Prince" of our team, who happens to be the Team Admin's Son, can do no wrong. Kid is fast but all he ever does is stick his foot out to block to ball or kick the ball out of bounds. But every time he touches the ball it's the aweomeness, when you hear his Parents. And the coach, well, the coach will never yell at him or pull him for the things he yells at and pulls the other kids for doing. I on the other hand, I will openly criticize my Son when he does something stupid as well as cheer him on when he does something good.


As Tooge said, you can see the kids who are getting by right now on their natural speed and agility but aren't very good soccer players. My Son on the other hand is a good soccer player who is working on his speed.

[Chiefshrink]

Originally Posted by petegz28

We had this very talk tonight. I explained to my Son that life isn't fair and that just because you work harder and may deserve things more than others, often times you will be looked over and those who don't deserve credit will get it anyway.

He knows he just has to keep working hard. Every time we experience one of these set backs, he just sees it as motivation to prove them wrong. He may not ever prove them wrong but I have to support him in his effort to do so.

Excellent !! He will thank you later on in life for letting him know early in life that life isn't fair and he just has to keep working harder and smarter than the next guy and his blessings will come !! This is what you drill into his head that his blessings WILL COME EVENTUALLY !!