When do you have a "talk" with your child's Coach?

[petegz28]

So my Son is 8 years old and playing in competitive soccer. I will be the first to admit that on his team of 9 he probably ranks 6th or 7th. Maybe 5th on a good day. He is disciplined, works hard, knows his game but is just one of the slower kids and not the strongest shooter. Usually plays Left or Right Back.

The Coach has had a tendency to play him less than the others and generally I am okay with that because at times he plays quite a bit. Then some things happened and I am not real sure how to approach it.

In a tournament we won our first 2 games and were an automatic lock for the finals. The 3rd game literally meant absolutely nothing. My Son's Coach decided to play the "best players" into the ground and my Son got to play all of 10 minutes of a 50 minute game in a game that meant literally nothing. I was pissed but said nothing.

Then tonight at practice the Coach handed out MVP Pins to 5 of of the 8 kids that were there and one to a kid who was practicing with us but not on our team. He said they "tried hard" the last game. The irony is my Son played most of the last game and more than just about anyone else, and one of the kids that didn't get a pin had 2 goals. So the "they tried hard" crap doesn't seem to make sense.

I thought that was a pretty shitty way to handle that situation as we had 2 subs that game, it was very hot and all the kids played their ass off and we won 7-1.

Our Coach is 22, and it's his first year coaching a team. I try to keep that in mind. I also have to keep in mind that if I piss him off he could plant my Son on the bench the rest of the season. Also with tryouts for next season coming up in a couple of weeks, I'd hate to do something to jeopardize my Son.

On the other hand, I see it as I am paying good $'s to play in this league and a dick move is a dick move.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

[Chiefnj2]

Originally Posted by petegz28

He isn't doing the one at a time because they don't know who to go in for or where to play. That much I can tell you for sure.

.

After coaching for years I can guarantee you have no idea what is going on with the kids on the bench during the game.


Coach: "Okay Matt you are going in for Tom at striker."
Matt: "I don't want to play striker. I want to be defense."
Coach: "I really need you at striker right now, I will try get you in at defense later in the half."
Matt: "I want to play defense."
Coach: "I just subbed in Kevin on defense two minutes ago. Defense isn't an option right now. Do your best at striker."
Matt: [Staring at the ground, refusing to get up]
Coach: "When your parents ask you why you didn't play much after the game, please make sure you tell them the truth."
Coach: "Barney, want to play striker? Tom is very tired."
Barney: "My stomach hurts, I ate my oranges before the game."

4 hours later - email from Matt's dad who is unhappy with his playing time.

[petegz28]

Originally Posted by Chiefnj2

After coaching for years I can guarantee you have no idea what is going on with the kids on the bench during the game.


Coach: "Okay Matt you are going in for Tom at striker."
Matt: "I don't want to play striker. I want to be defense."
Coach: "I really need you at striker right now, I will try get you in at defense later in the half."
Matt: "I want to play defense."
Coach: "I just subbed in Kevin on defense two minutes ago. Defense isn't an option right now. Do your best at striker."
Matt: [Staring at the ground, refusing to get up]
Coach: "When your parents ask you why you didn't play much after the game, please make sure you tell them the truth."
Coach: "Barney, want to play striker? Tom is very tired."
Barney: "My stomach hurts, I ate my oranges before the game."

4 hours later - email from Matt's dad who is unhappy with his playing time.

A far as I know that has happened 1 time with 1 kid and I think, according to his parents, he learned his lesson. My son will go in an play anywhere and I have not heard of any of the other kids saying what you posted. I agree it happens but I am willing to bet $'s to donuts that this is not the case.

[MIAdragon]

He’s 8 dude, there are no collage scouts there, tell him to have fun. And you enjoy watching your boy have fun.

[oldman]

Did you ever consider soccer isn't his sport? While the MVP pins were a dick move, it still doesn't take away the fact YOU have a problem with this coach. I coached competitive baseball for many years and I can tell you there's always going to be a parent or 2 that aren't happy that little Todd isn't pitching, only gets to play 1/2 a game, bats 9th, etc. I once had a Karen mom fly into orbit because her kid played RF that night and it was too far away for Grandpa to get a good picture of him. It's not that Gramps couldn't walk around the fence for his action shot, that'd be way too easy.

The simple answer is to move the kid away from this coach if you're not happy. Waiting for the league to knock your kid down or hoping the coach will move is only allowing you to get out of a tough decision. Buck up and do what's best for the kid.

[Mr. Kotter]

1st world problems.....sheesh.

Originally Posted by Chiefnj2

After coaching for years I can guarantee you have no idea what is going on with the kids on the bench during the game.


Coach: "Okay Matt you are going in for Tom at striker."
Matt: "I don't want to play striker. I want to be defense."
Coach: "I really need you at striker right now, I will try get you in at defense later in the half."
Matt: "I want to play defense."
Coach: "I just subbed in Kevin on defense two minutes ago. Defense isn't an option right now. Do your best at striker."
Matt: [Staring at the ground, refusing to get up]
Coach: "When your parents ask you why you didn't play much after the game, please make sure you tell them the truth."
Coach: "Barney, want to play striker? Tom is very tired."
Barney: "My stomach hurts, I ate my oranges before the game."

4 hours later - email from Matt's dad who is unhappy with his playing time.

EXACTLY....

[stevieray]

This is about your son having fun, and being part of a team.

Anything after that, looks like it's about you.

[notorious]

If any of you want to get into coaching this age, do it.

It's one of the most fulfilling things I've done. The kids listen well, and look up to you.

You'll never have a prouder moment then when they execute something you teach them to perfection.

I can be anywhere off season or during the season and I'll hear a kid yell "Coach!" and they'll come running to give me a high-5 and a hug.

I run a business, and it's just that, but the highlight of my week is practice and game day.

Do. It.

[Zhawk]

Agree with those who basically say it’s way too early to get too concerned about this. I’ve been involved as a kid who played everything through HS (and collegiate tennis) and then coached it all when my son was playing. Mostly a great experience. Seen and heard it all.

It’s just too early to get your “panties in a bunch” about this. Much later - if there is some sort of issue - it’s far better to have your son to have that talk with the coach HIMSELF. It’s important to have him learn how to talk to the coach in a calm, respectful way. This was one of the things my own father did for me when I had an issue. He said I should go talk to the coach but don’t go in there with an attitude. My dad said the coach doesn’t have some sort of problem with me. It’s not personal. I did talk to the coach and it went well and learned a thing or two about my situation. And my dad was right. That talk didn’t get me more playing time but I understood what the coach said and we got along great.

Don’t fight your kid’s battles. Teach your kid how to handle them. But your son is merely 8 and you can’t really know anything re his abilities at this point. Kids who are amazing at 8 can be awful by the time they are 12. Or find something they enjoy more. At 8 it should be about having fun and trying different activities (and not merely sports). Expose them to a variety of activities and they will find what they enjoy.

[kstater]

#justpetethings

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[Mr. Kotter]

Originally Posted by kstater

#justpetethings

Sent from my Pixel 4 using Tapatalk

[penguinz]

Originally Posted by stevieray

This is about your son having fun, and being part of a team.

Anything after that, looks like it's about you.

1 million percent. This thread is exactly why many higher level teams don't even allow parents to stay and watch practices.

I know a coach that was coaching one of the MLS Academy teams. He was telling me about during tryout the mom of the best player on the team was questioning him about playing time and playing position. He was called over and cut from the team immediately.

When you have coaches that are being paid and paid well they do not want to deal with crap from parents.

In summary, pete, you are in the wrong.

[Shields68]

Originally Posted by penguinz

1 million percent. This thread is exactly why many higher level teams don't even allow parents to stay and watch practices.

I know a coach that was coaching one of the MLS Academy teams. He was telling me about during tryout the mom of the best player on the team was questioning him about playing time and playing position. He was called over and cut from the team immediately.

When you have coaches that are being paid and paid well they do not want to deal with crap from parents.

In summary, pete, you are in the wrong.

Not sure he is in the wrong since he has not done much except at this point question to himself some moves about a coach. On the plus side is that the problems seem pretty minor, probably has to do with inexperience and youth of the coach. On the down side, not sure there is much you can do about it. Most of the coaches are not going to accept in season criticism from a parent.

To me all you can really do is at the end of the season or after your son is done with this particular coach maybe then have a conversation/letter about some of these minor points he could improve upon. If he is serious about coaching youth it might be something he will actually think about.

[AdolfOliverBush]

It's only soccer, and none of those kids are going to earn a dime playing it for a living. Leave the coach alone, and if your kid doesn't like the way the coach does his job, take him off the team.

[Mile High Mania]

Again for most of these situations, it is best to let the coach and kid figure it out. Parents should support the kid and cheer for them.

In this instance, admittedly ranking your kid in a spot where 6-7 others may play the game better... imagine that the coach sees that too. If this is a 'select' team, then yeah - let the coach coach and just support your son with practices and good words.

If this is a fun recreational league... same thing really. At this age, you're going to have a couple of rock star kids and the rest are supporting cast really. Just enjoy the time and help him set the right expectations.

[Mile High Mania]

Originally Posted by stevieray

This is about your son having fun, and being part of a team.

Anything after that, looks like it's about you.

All that..