[Rain Man]

I am an undecided voter. Please make the case for why I should root for either team over the other. Right now, I've got...

Pro-Browns

Dorsey used to work there, and he got us Mahomes.
They're relatively harmless.
Baker Mayfield is refreshingly frank.
Jarvis Landry has a good work ethic.

Pro-Bengals

That Joe Burrow fellow seems like a nice kid with a Horatio Alger background.
They're relatively harmless.
I've followed that Sam Hubbard DE for a while since I was kind of interested in drafting him.
I really like the stripes.

Anti-Browns

Beckham is kind of a jerk.
Mayfield is kind of a jerk.
Myles Garrett is kind of a jerk.
The Browns beat the Chiefs once many years ago in a meaningless game, but it disappointed me.

Anti-Bengals

I still have a Vontaze Burfict and Pacman Jones hangover.
Their offensive line has names that are either oddly trendy, uncool, or copies of NBA legends.