The familiar strains of Hail to the Chief ring out, and onto the stage walks a man in 1820s garb and huge muttonchop sideburns.
"Hello, fellow Americans," he says. "I am former president John Quincy Adams, and I'm here to make an argument for a federal government expedition to the center of the earth."
"But first, I have to draft a soldier into the heart of the Washington Army, more specifically the Commander Corps. With that, I will proclaim that ...
"The Washington Commanders select Autin Booker, DE, Kansas."
On that hot mic, he can be heard asking, "Where is Kansas? Is that a new territory or something?"