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ChiefsPlanet (https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/index.php)
-   Hall of Classics (https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/forumdisplay.php?f=32)
-   -   I'm on a mission to shit (https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=283786)

htismaqe 05-19-2014 05:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SNR (Post 10638959)
Yep
No!

Miralax might make it worse. At the very least, it takes 2-3 days to work.

Never fear though, he drank an entire bottle of magnesium citrate. This will all be over shortly.

booger 05-19-2014 05:08 PM
That thing is really gonna stretch your star fish

Chief Pote 05-19-2014 05:11 PM
I call bullshit. I had to drink a gallon of that lemony shit, 30 minutes tops and you're shitting your pants.

htismaqe 05-19-2014 05:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiefButthurt (Post 10638988)
I call bullshit. I had to drink a gallon of that lemony shit, 30 minutes tops and you're shitting your pants.
It could take up to 2 hours.

SAUTO 05-19-2014 05:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe (Post 10638977)
No!

Miralax might make it worse. At the very least, it takes 2-3 days to work.

Never fear though, he drank an entire bottle of magnesium citrate. This will all be over shortly.
My daughter takes miralax and shits very soon afterward.


It works or her like a champ
Posted via Mobile Device

htismaqe 05-19-2014 05:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JASONSAUTO (Post 10639002)
My daughter takes miralax and shits very soon afterward.


It works or her like a champ
Posted via Mobile Device
Does she take it regularly?

BigRedChief 05-19-2014 05:20 PM
Without reading this thread, is it worthy of Hall of Classics consideration yet?

SAUTO 05-19-2014 05:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe (Post 10639010)
Does she take it regularly?
Not anymore. Long story. But it will still push her through if she has issues
Posted via Mobile Device

htismaqe 05-19-2014 05:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigRedChief (Post 10639017)
Without reading this thread, is it worthy of Hall of Classics consideration yet?
Not yet. He's still working it up.

htismaqe 05-19-2014 05:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JASONSAUTO (Post 10639019)
Not anymore. Long story. But it will still push her through if she has issues
Posted via Mobile Device
Interesting. The active ingredient should take at least 24 hours to work and more often 2-3 days. Regular use can change that, though.

For what Clay is going through, I definitely wouldn't recommend it. Especially not over magnesium citrate, which is as close to a miracle cure as you're ever going to find.

SAUTO 05-19-2014 05:26 PM
He should just take out his plug.
Posted via Mobile Device

TribalElder 05-19-2014 05:27 PM
Currently in progress


Oh... Wait..... Mission complete

Tombstone RJ 05-19-2014 05:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth (Post 10638376)
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
oh don't worry, you will shit. Actually you won't do a conventional crap, it will be more like diarrhea on steroids.

Hammock Parties 05-19-2014 05:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnTheWarpath58 (Post 10638899)
Jesus. Guessing you're taking some pain pills from the surgery?

I remember when I had an inguinal hernia surgery. They did it the old fashioned way - not laproscopically - and between the pain pills clogging me up and not having any strength in my core, it was a rough week.

Good luck. You're going to need it.
Yep.

Also no strength in my core right now.

I feel bloated as ****.

TribalElder 05-19-2014 05:31 PM
Taco Bell to the rescue!

Simplicity 05-19-2014 05:32 PM
Sounds like shits about to go down.

bevischief 05-19-2014 05:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigRedChief (Post 10639017)
Without reading this thread, is it worthy of Hall of Classics consideration yet?
Maybe after he gives birth...

OnTheWarpath15 05-19-2014 05:38 PM
http://i.imgur.com/ssBZhCs.gif

T-Town 05-19-2014 05:38 PM
Epsom salt works for me everytime.

Dante84 05-19-2014 05:38 PM
boner alert

htismaqe 05-19-2014 05:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by T-Town (Post 10639067)
Epsom salt works for me everytime.
Magnesium citrate has essentially the same effect (Epsom salts are actually magnesium sulfate) and it tastes a bit better.

J Diddy 05-19-2014 05:43 PM
Ask for the suppository laxative and don't chicken out like I did. Make the nurse insert it

lcarus 05-19-2014 05:46 PM
Is it from the pain pill?

Hammock Parties 05-19-2014 05:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lcarus (Post 10639093)
Is it from the pain pill?
I guess. At this point if I can deal with the pain tonight I'm going to sleep without it.

htismaqe 05-19-2014 05:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth (Post 10639095)
I guess. At this point if I can deal with the pain tonight I'm going to sleep without it.
If you're taking an opioid/opiate painkiller, that's definitely a potential source of your problem.

JoeyChuckles 05-19-2014 05:51 PM
What's an indian bean? Sounds racist.

lcarus 05-19-2014 05:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth (Post 10639095)
I guess. At this point if I can deal with the pain tonight I'm going to sleep without it.
Yeah those pain killers will clog you up. Especially them percocets.

Hammock Parties 05-19-2014 05:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeyChuckles (Post 10639109)
What's an indian bean? Sounds racist.
Looks the same going in as coming out...

http://veggiecookbook.files.wordpres...dsc03204tn.jpg

Hammock Parties 05-19-2014 05:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe (Post 10639107)
If you're taking an opioid/opiate painkiller, that's definitely a potential source of your problem.
No shit?

lcarus 05-19-2014 05:55 PM
No shit at all

Buzz 05-19-2014 05:58 PM
When I had knee surgery I didn't crap for 5 days and they wouldn't let me out of the hospital untll I did. I finally crapped a baseball size turd and it hurt like hell!

Dante84 05-19-2014 06:03 PM
You should go get your colon cleansed.

They put a hose in your butt, spray all up in it, and then it shoots out like a chocolate fountain (but into a hose, I think).

Hammock Parties 05-19-2014 06:05 PM
Got some pressure building...

LoneWolf 05-19-2014 06:07 PM
C'mon, shit ****er. I have to teach a class in 30 minutes and I don't want to have to keep pulling up ChiefsPlanet on the big screen during the class.

Hammock Parties 05-19-2014 06:09 PM
http://i.imgur.com/soKLdVr.jpg

Hammock Parties 05-19-2014 06:10 PM
got some gurgling...little rumbling....is this it!??

LoneWolf 05-19-2014 06:11 PM
Less memes more shitting. Hurry up.

Hammock Parties 05-19-2014 06:12 PM
brb

http://www.michaeljacksoncelebritycl...hotos/1165.jpg

New World Order 05-19-2014 06:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth (Post 10639170)


LMAO

htismaqe 05-19-2014 06:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth (Post 10639118)
No shit?
Yes, absolutely.

Opium-derived painkillers cause constipation for just about everybody that takes them. It's one of the top 2 or 3 most common side effects. I never mentioned it before because I figured you already knew that.

htismaqe 05-19-2014 06:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoneWolf (Post 10639155)
C'mon, shit ****er. I have to teach a class in 30 minutes and I don't want to have to keep pulling up ChiefsPlanet on the big screen during the class.
ROFL

Dayze 05-19-2014 06:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante84 (Post 10639145)
You should go get your colon cleansed.

They put a hose in your butt, spray all up in it, and then it shoots out like a chocolate fountain (but into a hose, I think).
"I think "

lol

LoneWolf 05-19-2014 06:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth (Post 10639170)
http://media3.giphy.com/media/ELNmnJchjJId2/200_s.gif

ghak99 05-19-2014 06:18 PM
Try squeezing your head.

T-Town 05-19-2014 06:18 PM
To the shit?

Hog's Gone Fishin 05-19-2014 06:19 PM
.Pulling for you Clay. Get that crap flowin

Dayze 05-19-2014 06:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ghak99 (Post 10639192)
Try squeezing your head.
LMAO

Hammock Parties 05-19-2014 06:30 PM
Negative, negative. Just impacted on the surface.

http://porkins.home.insightbb.com/Re.../redleader.JPG

TribalElder 05-19-2014 06:35 PM
Did you hear about the mathematician who solved the problem of constipation?

eDave 05-19-2014 06:36 PM
Join us in chat!

booger 05-19-2014 06:40 PM
Might have to go to the twat dr and they pull it out with salad tongs. I saw it on true stories of the er on tlc

T-Town 05-19-2014 06:52 PM
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/TqO5ZecWC2A?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Jakemall 05-19-2014 06:55 PM
http://pics.drugstore.com/prodimg/15187/220.jpg

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/s...Ienb_&usqp=CAE

Either of these will work...you probably won't enjoy them...but they will flush away the problem...literally.

Buzz 05-19-2014 06:59 PM
Look on the bright side, after wiping your bung hole raw and your finger pokes through the toilet paper you will no longer be a virgin.

bevischief 05-19-2014 07:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buzz (Post 10639348)
Look on the bright side, after wiping your bung hole raw and your finger pokes through the toilet paper you will no longer be a virgin.
LMAO

booger 05-19-2014 07:09 PM
For old times sake
http://youtu.be/zHW5RVvg2v4

SAUTO 05-19-2014 07:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buzz (Post 10639348)
Look on the bright side, after wiping your bung hole raw and your finger pokes through the toilet paper you will no longer be a virgin.
You do realize who you are talking to, don't you?
Posted via Mobile Device

bevischief 05-19-2014 07:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JASONSAUTO (Post 10639384)
You do realize who you are talking to, don't you?
Posted via Mobile Device
LMAO

Marcellus 05-19-2014 07:14 PM
Ultimate troll going on. You all are waiting on an epic shit that will never happen.

InChiefsHeaven 05-19-2014 07:14 PM
Welp, hope everything comes out OK.

FlaChief58 05-19-2014 07:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buzz (Post 10639348)
Look on the bright side,
you will no longer be a virgin.
That ship sailed a looong time ago

mdchiefsfan 05-19-2014 07:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcellus (Post 10639396)
Ultimate troll going on. You all are waiting on an epic shit that will never happen.
Exactly what I was thinking. There are some funny comments here, but anyone who really thought Clay would have shat the first time and let you guys off the hook, is crazy.

Buzz 05-19-2014 07:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JASONSAUTO (Post 10639384)
You do realize who you are talking to, don't you?
Posted via Mobile Device

;)

Hammock Parties 05-19-2014 07:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mdchiefsfan (Post 10639402)
Exactly what I was thinking. There are some funny comments here, but anyone who really thought Clay would have shat the first time and let you guys off the hook, is crazy.
I'm the boy who cried shite

-King- 05-19-2014 07:24 PM
Better just get an old spoon and scoop it out at this point...

mdchiefsfan 05-19-2014 07:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth (Post 10639415)
I'm the boy who cried shite
LMAO

Davechief 05-19-2014 08:03 PM
I had the ol colonoscopy procedure done last year. Maybe you could get your doc to prescribe you some of the stuff they use for the prep. I swear I shit out stuff from the 70's after downing that.

ThaVirus 05-19-2014 08:13 PM
Speaking of shit, my stool's been green for about the past 5 days or so. I haven't changed my diet so I'm kind of curious as to what it could be..

Of course WebMD churned up some pretty scary results. I hate that website.

eDave 05-19-2014 08:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 10639596)
Speaking of shit, my stool's been green for about the past 5 days or so. I haven't changed my diet so I'm kind of curious as to what it could be..

Of course WebMD churned up some pretty scary results. I hate that website.
Grape soda?

bevischief 05-19-2014 08:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 10639596)
Speaking of shit, my stool's been green for about the past 5 days or so. I haven't changed my diet so I'm kind of curious as to what it could be..

Of course WebMD churned up some pretty scary results. I hate that website.
LMAO

ChiTown 05-19-2014 08:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 10639596)
Speaking of shit, my stool's been green for about the past 5 days or so. I haven't changed my diet so I'm kind of curious as to what it could be..

Of course WebMD churned up some pretty scary results. I hate that website.
Green? Layoff off the late night anti-freeze shooters.....

Hammock Parties 05-19-2014 08:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 10639596)
Speaking of shit, my stool's been green for about the past 5 days or so.
Spinach FTW!

RaiderH8r 05-19-2014 08:24 PM
All I ask is that he post weight before and after the deposit. It's a great past time I have with my bro at thanksgiving. We weigh in before we eat, after we eat, and after we shit.

Men. We are awesome.

ThaVirus 05-19-2014 08:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth (Post 10639628)
Spinach FTW!

Nope, my diet is far from high in leafy greens.

Google says I either have Crohn's or my shit is just passing through my intestines too quickly.

bevischief 05-19-2014 08:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 10639672)
Nope, my diet is far from high in leafy greens.

Google says I either have Crohn's or my shit is just passing through my intestines too quickly.
I don't remember my wife who has Crohn's for over 20 years she has never said anything about it being green.

Rams Fan 05-19-2014 09:27 PM
Has Clay shit yet?


Nope.

LoneWolf 05-19-2014 09:49 PM
http://junkuchan.org/j/src/127804436248.jpg

Hammock Parties 05-19-2014 10:08 PM
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/JxxNvfVfDB0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Image: Not Safe for Work
NSFW Image

RaiderH8r 05-19-2014 10:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth (Post 10640019)
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/JxxNvfVfDB0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Image: Not Safe for Work
NSFW Image
Not gonna look. What's the weight differential?

Hammock Parties 05-19-2014 10:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RaiderH8r (Post 10640025)
Not gonna look. What's the weight differential?
I don't have a scale, sorry.

I sure feel better though. Gonna go eat dinner! :evil:

PS - I had to chop it up to make sure it flushed.


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