When do you have a "talk" with your child's Coach?
 

So my Son is 8 years old and playing in competitive soccer. I will be the first to admit that on his team of 9 he probably ranks 6th or 7th. Maybe 5th on a good day. He is disciplined, works hard, knows his game but is just one of the slower kids and not the strongest shooter. Usually plays Left or Right Back.

The Coach has had a tendency to play him less than the others and generally I am okay with that because at times he plays quite a bit. Then some things happened and I am not real sure how to approach it.

In a tournament we won our first 2 games and were an automatic lock for the finals. The 3rd game literally meant absolutely nothing. My Son's Coach decided to play the "best players" into the ground and my Son got to play all of 10 minutes of a 50 minute game in a game that meant literally nothing. I was pissed but said nothing.

Then tonight at practice the Coach handed out MVP Pins to 5 of of the 8 kids that were there and one to a kid who was practicing with us but not on our team. He said they "tried hard" the last game. The irony is my Son played most of the last game and more than just about anyone else, and one of the kids that didn't get a pin had 2 goals. So the "they tried hard" crap doesn't seem to make sense.

I thought that was a pretty shitty way to handle that situation as we had 2 subs that game, it was very hot and all the kids played their ass off and we won 7-1.

Our Coach is 22, and it's his first year coaching a team. I try to keep that in mind. I also have to keep in mind that if I piss him off he could plant my Son on the bench the rest of the season. Also with tryouts for next season coming up in a couple of weeks, I'd hate to do something to jeopardize my Son.

On the other hand, I see it as I am paying good $'s to play in this league and a dick move is a dick move.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

do you hear yourself? yikes

Get your son to play for Steve Spagnuolo's soccer team and he'll have him playing 90%+ of the minutes

Watch frank Martin and you will realize you never should yell at refs or meddle in the coaches business. I mean you can but it is wrong. You can either meddle and do some chiefsplanet things. Or you could let thrhe coaches coach and you parent

Volunteer to coach
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That's a thought...

Have you asked your son what he thinks of the situation?

Maybe in a way that doesn’t put bad ideas in his head if he doesn’t see an issue. If he’s happy to help out the team however, then you might not need to do anything.

I generally don't want to get involved but when you see your kid getting discouraged because of dick moves it's hard to stay silent.

I tell my Son to use it as fuel to get better but still wanna tell the Coach he is being a douche to the kids.

Gah.

You can't have 5:8 MVPs.

You teach him to have a sense of humor and to work on his weight training.

He is the one that told me about it. He is such an easy going kid that when he says something it's usually not good. He was actually a bit more mad the other 2 kids didn't get a pin almost if not more than him not getting one.

If you think he isn't getting coached then pull him out of the league.

Ask his coach what things he can work on as a player.

The MVP pins thing is bullshit to me. Coach shouldn't have done that. But if it is a competitive league, then I don't think you can complain about minutes unless your son is getting 0.

Maybe go to a more laid back developmental league where he can get playing time and develop his skills until he can be more competitive.

If shit goes south can you beat this coach’s ass? That’s the first thing you need to consider.

Well that's just it. We have "evaluations" and he tells me Son all this good stuff and tells him he is right in the middle of the pack in ranking but then doesn't really act like that.

I try to chalk it up to he is 22 and he really is not a good coach. Very inconsistent, micromanaging, loves to hear himself talk, plays favorites, etc.

I keep telling myself it's probably not worth saying anything but then when is it?

1st year coaches are just trying to keep the train on the track.

I don't complain about minutes unless it is completely ****ed up. Like only playing 10 min in a game that has no meaning.

Don't give out individual awards at the youth level.

Team, team, team.

The coach is young as hell. He will figure it out.

Time to find a team with a better coach... 22 year old coaches are just learning... A older more experienced coach probably is better at keeping the whole team involved..

1. The MVP thing was a dick move

2. Get ready for 10 more years of BS from idiot coaches

3. Ask yourself if this team will sniff the playoffs

I have no problems with handing out 1 award per game or something. But when you hand something out to 5 of 8 then another to one not even on your team it's really ****ed up.

My hope is that next season my Son stays in the same division. In the next age group this Coach has the higher division and the Coach he would go too is better. My Son has played up on his team a few times and I like the guy. Doesn't take thing too seriously at this stage and is more about getting the kids to understand and love the game.

Good example, we scrimmaged against him tonight. My Son and our "favorite" for whatever reason, sat for 15 of the 20 minutes while the coach sat there with is smart board going over all these scenarios with them, over and over and over and over. He never paid attention to the scrimmage.

Meanwhile the other Coach who also had 2 subs, subbed his guys 5 times and paid attention the entire time.

How did the team do in the finals? If they won, then I’d say he did the right thing. It’s very confusing following along, though. Your son played the majority of the championship game, but didn’t get a pin, but also played very little in the meaningless game. Sounds like it evened out. He’s probably lucky to be getting as much playing time as he is getting if he’s one of the slower players trying to play LB or RB.

We lost in the finals. Our kids were gassed, including our 2 Guest players because they were played into the ground earlier that day in a meaningless game. I don't understand playing him at LB or RB. Last game he played him at F and CB. The F I get. CB not so much. My Son has great foot control, always gets control of the ball and tries to take meaningful touches. Slow about it at times but he doesn't just toe poke and chase or blast the ball down the pitch. Whenever they do skills drills in practice my Son waxes just about everyone else if not everyone else.

When do you have a "talk" with your child's Coach?
 

So the referee’s are ok?


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He’s over-coaching. It’s normal for his experience level.

Needs to be basic and teach concepts and spacing, not specific plays and scenarios. Your team must be stacked for him to win while coaching kids like that.

My son was easily the best player on his baseball team and the new woman coach batted him 8th.

She even said several times “your son hits a home run every time he swings!”. Yeah, put him in the 3 or 4 slot so he gets more plate appearances dumbass.

It aggravating, just bite your lip and make it a teaching moment for your kid. Don’t complain about the coach in front of him or he will blame the coach in the future for everything instead of working harder to get better.

We win generally because of luck it seems lately. Last fall we played better. This spring the coach is over-coaching, as you say. Constantly yelling at players on where to be. Kids get confused. Ironically my Son is about 1 of 2 or 3 kids he doesn't yell at because they know how to play their positions.

Our best player is our best because he is tall, lanky and fast. Generally plays Center Back and does nothing but stick his foot out or blast the ball out of bounds. But he is the Son of the Admin of the team so......

I just think it's a dick move to hand out awards to 5 kids for "trying hard" when the other 3 played just as hard and one of those three actually had 2 of our 7 goals.

I am content at this point to say nothing but if he gets picked to move up to his team next season we might have to have a chat.

Well, I complain but fortunately my Son understands he is the Coach and you live by his rules. My Son had the right attitude about it tonight. He said, "that just means I am going to show him how good I am and he will be sad that he didn't think I was good". Can't ask much more from an 8 year old.

Have dealt with a few frustrating situations. I never approached a coach about an issue, but I did encourage my son to communicate with his coach. And when you have a coach that sucks, you just move on next season.

Going to agree with this, you are going to run across more shit coaches than good. Handing out MVP to over half the team is something a shit coach does. Put the bad juju of sniffing the playoffs on him and maybe it turns around.




I honestly wouldn’t worry about it, but if it bugs your boy find him a different team.

I've told my Son to be vocal when he is on the bench and wants to go in. Last time I guess him and another kid were asking if they could go in when the othe team was subbing and I guess he told them to stop asking hime questions.

We have 2 practices and 3-4 tournament games left and it's onto tryouts for next season. As much as I want my Son to move up a division, I kinda hope he doesn't assuming the coaches all stay as they are. If he moves up he gets the same coach again.

Maybe he saw your takes on the Super Bowl championship Chiefs team and is taking it out on your son.

Won’t sniff playing time!

I coached little league competitive baseball for 10 years. Every kid knew why they weren’t playing or what I expected for them to keep improving to stay as a starter.

But, I coached a year of rec ball before competitive and I wasn’t 22 but 30. Give him some slack or help coach.

Slash his tires

Youth soccer sounds like a shit show to me if it is so competitive an 8 year old kid has to tryout for a team.

Should have PM’d tooge.

All sports have try outs for teams younger than that. Parents have to cover $2000-$10K a season to play with the best teams. I’m glad my kid aged out before it got like that.

JFC

That's insanity.

Pete, you signed up for a COMPETETIVE team. Lose the rec league "everyone is a winner" attitude.

Option 1: Tell your kid not to suck.
Option 2: Beat the shit out of the coach.
Option 3: All of the above.

I wouldn’t put us in a out of town tournaments unless we could drive back to KC at night. I rarely got the best players because they and the parents felt they had to be on one of the traveling teams to give their son a chance at a scholarship or MLB.

We did get ranked top 5 one year and got to play in a WS. That was pretty cool. But I’m really happy with my choice to not be a traveling team. Enable families lives to revolve around a son playing a kids game in the dirt and grass.

That's a great attitude. And no one should criticize you for being a dad who is willing to be vulnerable (on freaking CP no less) and ask for advice on matters like this. There's no clear cut answer but it seems like if your son has ended up in the right place, that's really the best you can ask for.

Grit is everything and sounds like he's got some element of it.

If the coach sucks then the rest of the players know what's going on. These things work themselves out. Let it go. You can't fight your kid's battles his whole life. You'll turn him into sissy, if soccer hasn't done that already.

This is comp soccer. Your last sentence doesn’t work at all.

1. These coaches need licenses and get paid, so you aren’t helping him coach.
2. Cutting some slack only goes so far when you’re paying a decent amount of money to have your kid play. Some of these coaches are complete shit. I’ve dealt with one of them in the past and it took us moving my daughter to a different club. Plus it set her behind in development.

Choke him out.

Says the guy who probably couldn’t keep up with high school kids playing soccer.

I can sort of relate. My son plays 8u baseball and plays catcher, but is probably the best first baseman on the team. But the coaches kid plays first. He’s an add nightmare. He tries to be first, pitcher catcher and short stop. He’s antics cost us 4 runs in the last two games but nothing gets said because his dads the coach. My sons happy knowing he’s one of the top 3/4 kids on the team and any given night can get his bat hot and be the man. But other parents have pushed me to complain. I just don’t want to do it. We’re a league team not a hand picked tournament team or anything. I’m debating saying something this weekend at the league tournament. My son will have to play 2-3 games in the Oklahoma heat. Maybe now is the time to say hey he needs a break from the gear play him in the field a bit.

This is the answer that I would offer. The medal thing is weird - if more than half the people are getting medals, then it's a participation medal and give them to everyone. But the bottom line is that it's the coach's team, and if he's really that bad then he won't have any players next year. If it's intolerable, you can move your kid to a different team or league, I presume.

You want to have a convo with the coach after one game? I think you need to ride this out a little and see if it's a pattern. If it is, it probably means the coach doesn't think he's cut out for that level of competition,and doesn't trust him to play in certain situations.

Either way, competitive teams are in the business of winning, and they're always looking to improve. There are two ways to do that: You can add better players, or you can cut the kids on the bottom of the roster. But that goes with the territory of "competitive". If that's too harsh, try to find a good rec team instead.

As someone who's done a ton of youth sports coaching, my philosophy is that it's better to be a top half roster player, in a little lower division, than a player who rides pine because the coach doesn't think he's good enough. So maybe finding a new team next season if he's discouraged is a better strategy.

Becoming "that guy" is a lose-lose situation for you and your kid. Even if the coach isn't the greatest (he's 22 years old, what can you expect?), he will view you as a problem if you get noisy, and unless your kid is one of the top on the team, he's not going to do you any favors or go out of his way to keep him in the future.

I heard an AD one time say that every year, he gets several calls right after cuts for soccer, baseball, basketball etc.

The parents all more or less ask "You mean to tell me that my kid who's played club baseball for the past 12 years isn't good enough to make the team???"

His answer is "Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you".

My point with that story is that in sports, the cream always rises to the top. The further you go in sports, the closer you'll be getting to his ceiling where your kid isn't good enough. For some select few, with the right genetics, that can be in the professional or college ranks. For most, it's in the 6-14 year old range. It is what it is.

Let it play out. Don't make a big deal out of it. Help your kid have fun, and if there isn't playing time on this team, I'd try to find a different team.

An 8 year old kid soccer coach, even if it’s competitive, are paid now? That’s standard?

Also check out what youth league the club fits under and check out their rules. I know that in ours, the teams are required to play each player 50% of the game during cup play. During tournaments it’s a free for all.

Not saying that to use it to your advantage but if they aren’t following league rules then they can get fined. If he’s a young coach…he may not realize that.

Most comp soccer teams pay their coaches if they are part of a club. It’s because of all of the time and travel they have to spend. Plus the licensing that’s required.

It has been more than one game. I have been to every practice and every game. I see what goes on and who is good, who isn't, who can follow directions, who can't, etc. The bottom line on this Coach is he is out to win at all costs and doesn't realize he is dealing with a division 4 team of 8 year olds.

To give you an idea of how he approaches things, he spent 20 minutes tonight lecturing the boys on how there are 4 ways to learn things. Meanwhile, the Coach of the team we were scrimmaging against pulled his subs back on the field and ran drills because he got tired of our Coach not getting the players on the field to play.

Also, our Coach has a team a year younger than us, 7 year olds, that have to play against 8 year olds. They lost a game 17-1. The next practice he lectured them for 40 minutes then made them run lines 17 times. Not sure how much you have dealt with young kids but you'll get further watching paint dry than you will with lecturing 7 year olds for 40 minutes.

I did a research study for a youth soccer club (edit: league, not club) a while back, and they were importing coaches from Europe. This was a suburban youth soccer league.

I repeat for emphasis: they were importing coaches from Europe.

Yes, they get paid. I laid out between $2k-$3k this season between league fees, uniforms, tournament fees, etc. Part of that is Coaching fees. Don't get me wrong, I am all for them getting paid and I don't mind dropping the coin because he plays on good fields at good facilities.

Our Coach had only taught skills until this season and this was his first year Coaching teams. I have heard other Parents from other teams he coaches say they won't come back if their kid has him as a coach next season, but I will believe that when I see it. Unfortunately there are a lot of Parents that use this as a status symbol more than anything else.

Sounds like he's an ass. Not sure there is a good answer, other than trying to find a better coaching fit next season. Still, it's a lose-lose situation to get too involved.

My only other advice, is to back off a little and let your kid breathe. Going to every practice seems a little helipcopter'ish for second graders who have been playing for more than a couple of years.

Do they teach them to use a tissue to hold it with, when they pee

What this guy said..:doh!:

Do elementary aged baseball coaches get paid too these days?

Meh, I go because by the time I would drop him off and then come home, I would be just going right back. Plus I play the surrogate Parent in helping kids get to Goal Keeper training or giving rides, etc. Other Parents come too but they either go walking around, which I do sometimes or sit in their cars. Plus, I never played soccer so it's a good learning experience for me as well and I can see what the Coach is doing so I know how to help my kid when he practices at home.

But I would say he is a bit of an ass, but maybe not intentionally. The last tournament we were in we lost every game and all he could do after every game was yell at the kids. He doesn't do a lot to build up their desire to play the game.

Dont sweat it. Hes 8. My son played rec baseball till he was 10. He and I worked on skills and athleticism on his own time. Hes now playing in college. Its a tough pill to swallow right now but at 8u, 60 percent of ghe kids playing wont be playing in five years. Work hard on your own, ler the coach know your commitment level, and go down a skill level if need be. Dont let your ego get in your sons way. Finally, choke out the other parents!

Speaking of the other parents, we played up 2 U8 kids from the Academy team in our tournaments and we almost had to forfeit a game because the parents of those 2 were constantly yelling at the Ref. One of our Parents even wrote the Coach about it saying basically we would rather lose all the games than win with that kind of shit but he never received any sort of reply and those 2 kids continue to play up in tournaments.

That all being said, my Son puts in a ton of effort off the practice field including private lessons and our Coach knows it. He is supposedly friends with the Coach we have for private lessons. I am not saying that should buy him any favor but as a Coach, you have to understand when a kid really cares and is putting in the effort vs. just showing up and playing.

And I am all for staying in this division or going down if it means he gets away from this Coach.

I’ve. Coached 3 sports for around 13 years. This year I didn’t coach baseball.

It bugs me that they don’t take infield. It bugs me that they don’t practice ground balls. It bugs me there isn’t any hitting before a game. It bugs me that kids that shouldn’t be in key positions are….they’re the kids of the new coaches….who have complained about their sons lack of playing time or key positions in other sports. One of them took a grounder to the eye tonight. It bugs me that they let the pitchers struggle without going to the mound, or noticing basic things like a heal hitting before a toe, or a hand turned sideways at release….

I didn’t coach this year….so I don’t say shit about it. I choose to hit some ground balls to my kid and a friend on our time. I play catch with me kid. I spend time at the hitting cage with my kid and others who want to go where I do. I offer suggestions to boys I know where I think it will help. But I don’t say shit to the coach.

The problem as a parent, for the coaching side, is there are other factors. I had a mom bitch at me for not having enough practices a few years ago. I was working 2 jobs, remodeling a house….and my response…during the game when she complained was “ I woke up in Alaska at 2am this morning, spent all day flying, got in my truck, drove here, changed my shirt in the parking lot 20 min before the game and I’m here….coaching your kid….before I went home to take a shit.

I’ve had a kid piss on my hands while I helped him put on catchers knee guards….I’ve had adults try to fight me while I bought popsicles for my team….I’ve had parents who didn’t understand that their kid can’t be quarterback because he’s too stupid to know left from right, or remember 2 plays in a row. He can’t be a runn8 g back because he’s afraid to get hit and cried when I tried to put him in when someone got hurt. Maybe the kid does t work hard in practice. Maybe he backtalked a coach. Maybe the coach heard the kid was bullying a teammate at school. There are reasons.

Maybe the coach is an idiot….but he’s coaching.
Maybe your kid needs to work more, that’s what I tell mine if they don’t like their role.
Maybe the kid is just meant to be a great teammate.

A parents job is to bring their kid to practices and games…..sit in the bleachers and cheer.

If you don’t like it, pass your back ground check, pay your fee and sign up to coach next season.

Oh I definitely get it. Parents can be a complete pain in the ass. I helped Coach my Son's Rec team last summer. But I also understand that's the shit you just have to put up with because it's about the kids. Taking some pride in helping a kid learn, understand and love the game, especially at younger ages, means more than winning. Probably why our Rec team kicked ass.

Great contrast, the Gal that coached our Rec team actually had Goal Keeper gloves for whomever played Goal Keeper and you didn't play without them. Thsi Coach not only didn't have gloves, I bought some for the team however, he was ready to send my Son in at Goal Keeper without the gloves because my Son couldn't get them on by himself. Then he gave me a dirty look when I wouldn't let my Son go in without them and ran over to help him get them on.

I'm not so sure this guy is Coaching for the right reasons. Maybe his heart is in the right place but his head isn't.

Have you compared his experience on this soccer team and paralleling it with life ? That life for the most part is not fair and regardless of his hard work and production that at times won't get any acknowledgement. There are no guarantees. But I do get where you are coming from.

It's sad that as the more narcissistic our society becomes the more the childhood is taken away from the kids who are not allowed to be kids because coaches and parents haven't worked through their own personal sh** and thus project big time making everyone miserable around them. I am not saying this is your situation BUT as some have said as you and your son progress in his athletic career whatever sport he participates in you will find more often than not coaches(well meaning even) have personal issues and be ready for it. It's a fine line when to address things with the coach and when not to because it may be a huge life lesson to be learned by your son that might get ruined if you intervene and vice versa.

I should point out I’ve never been paid….and coaching probably costs me $500-1k per season in supplies, gas Ed.


On the other hand I guess paid clubs are a little different. I take my son to a wrestling club out of town for coaching because I’ve reached the limit if what I can teach him and I don’t want to be a limiting factor. If I had an issue with results, or the process, or the system, or the coaches decisions or treatment of my kid or others….I’d choose a different available option.


That said, the parents of club sports kids can be complete assholes with unrealistic expectations. Sometimes a kid/parent and club aren’t a good fit for whatever reason.


Also….spending $50k on your 8 year old to be the best travel ball kid on the planet very rarely results in a professional career or college scholarship that returns the investment…..and too many times, overly competitive parents push kids too hard, and bitch about coaching…burn the kid out and they quit or change sports when ot starts to matter.

We talked to a boy in another town tonight that’s been a good wrestler since 1st grade…and now that he’s going into jr high….says he’s done.

Yep !! Some parents because they pay big bucks regardless of the talent of their kid should be playing A LOT !!

We had this very talk tonight. I explained to my Son that life isn't fair and that just because you work harder and may deserve things more than others, often times you will be looked over and those who don't deserve credit will get it anyway.

He knows he just has to keep working hard. Every time we experience one of these set backs, he just sees it as motivation to prove them wrong. He may not ever prove them wrong but I have to support him in his effort to do so.

:bravo:

I wouldn't accept anything less than having my son on the cover of EA Sports FIFA

Right? You would be surprised though at how some of these Parents are with their kids. The "Prince" of our team, who happens to be the Team Admin's Son, can do no wrong. Kid is fast but all he ever does is stick his foot out to block to ball or kick the ball out of bounds. But every time he touches the ball it's the aweomeness, when you hear his Parents. And the coach, well, the coach will never yell at him or pull him for the things he yells at and pulls the other kids for doing. I on the other hand, I will openly criticize my Son when he does something stupid as well as cheer him on when he does something good.


As Tooge said, you can see the kids who are getting by right now on their natural speed and agility but aren't very good soccer players. My Son on the other hand is a good soccer player who is working on his speed.

Excellent !! He will thank you later on in life for letting him know early in life that life isn't fair and he just has to keep working harder and smarter than the next guy and his blessings will come !! This is what you drill into his head that his blessings WILL COME EVENTUALLY !!

My Wife and I keep telling him that one day his hard work is going to pay off. He takes private soccer lessons from a very good Coach. I wish he could play for him but the Coach is so good he has the sack to tell my Son point blank why he is not good enough yet to play for him and what he needs to do.

He also is taking agility training and general physical fitness training. All at 8 years old and all to get better at soccer. On top of that there is the training at home.

I have no problems paying or any of it as long as it's what he wants to do. And I love to see the drive and determination in him. I think it will pay off in the long run for both sports and life in general. He is learning at an early age that just because you love something doesn't mean it will come easy or without a cost.

Yep, there are always two sides to these stories. Also, youth coaches get a bad rap. Having coached a ton of youth football and basketball for the last five years, I’d say that most of the time it’s undeserved.

I have not had too many complaints, generally because I’m coaching them age appropriately.

With that said, I had my first playing time complaint this spring….. after one freaking game.

It annoys me when lazy parents, who literally don’t do sh*t except pass on crappy athletic genes and then expect to live vicariously through their kid expect you to “get their kid more involved”, despite being the slowest and least aggressive kid on the roster.

Any way, youth coaches take a lot of shots from parents. My advice to those parents is to get off your ass and coach your own team if you don’t like it.

Tell the coach you bought him a bath bomb as a token of your appreciation for him and then give him a toaster

If I could coach at this level I would. I love teaching the kids sports and what it takes to be a good athlete. I did get to help coach a Rec soccer team last summer and the Coach of the team was very complimentary of what I did and how I did things.

The best Coaches I have had in my life were the ones who taught you to expect to win but did not put winning above all. They taught you how to be good at the sport you were playing, how to always give 110%, how to be a good team player and how to push yourself. Winning was just a byproduct of all of that. And I always won the most under the coaches that focused on everything but winning at all costs.

Be very careful not to burn him out. That sounds like a lot of training for an 8 year old. Does he play other sports? Playing other sports will help him with soccer and take some of the pressure off. Also, hedging a little is always smart, especially if he’s a run of the mill club player.

What you’re describing is probably more age appropriate for an 11-12 year old. Just my two cents.