Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass

If it floats, fly’s or ****s, your better to be a renter

How much for me to borrow your Fleshlight

There has been some really great sage advice given in this thread. I will add just a couple that I haven't seen listed or just missed the post on these.

For younger folks. If you get a job that includes benefits for for a 401K with matching employer contributions - do it.

For marriage - Never go to bed mad with your spouse. Agree to disagree, work it out best you can.

Always begin to feel "ill" at work and make sure everyone knows it... before calling off sick the next day

Never do today, what can be put off until tomorrow

When in doubt, just wing it

It doesn't.:D

Matt 5:39

39 But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also.:thumb:

Always weave a little bit, that way all the other cars will stay away from you

If your sink is full of dirty dishes, put some clean dishes in the draining rack... now it looks like you're working on it

About the best financial advice I've seen on this board.

Never date a girl who pays her rent with ones

Keep your whiskey and your house neat.

Every piece of ass you pass up is one you'll want back.

Before going through resumes, always throw the top half in the trash... you don't want to hire unlucky people

Wife once advised me “happy wife happy life”

I advised her not to say that again and she didn’t.

The best way to get rid of a sunburn, is by taking the hottest shower possible

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