A smallish elderly man enters the arena. He goes to the Buccaneers table, picks up their card, and walks spryly to the podium. He taps the microphone before speaking.

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"In continuing the theme of central Florida's regional loyalty to the Buccaneers," he says, "I represent the Space Coast. My name is Frank Borman, and I am America's oldest living astronaut. You may remember me from such missions as Apollo 8 and Gemini VII."

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"I am one of the second group of astronauts selected by NASA. You may know of the Mercury Seven as the first group, and I'm part of the group known as the Next Nine, which features such luminaries as Neil Armstrong, Jim Lovell, Pete Conrad, John Young, and others."

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"One of the requirements to be part of the Next Nine was that you had to be under 6 feet tall. Height was a disadvantage in the space vehicles. So we proved that shorter people can be very successful in challenging endeavors. We expect that the next Buccaneer will also prove this."

"With the 116th pick in the 2020 NFL draft, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers select Amik Robertson, CB, Louisiana Tech."

With that, the 92 year-old Borman dons a personal jet pack and flies out of the arena.

Somebody on CP would’ve found and killed you. Thank god you didn’t.

I’m open to RB in the 1st, though it isn’t my preference. You can certainly make the argument that Swift would be BPA at 32.

Robertson is a luxury pick for the Buccaneers, but as others have mentioned, we're seeing a dropoff here in the 4th round, so we're going to take a guy who has good potential even if it's not a position of immediate need.

Frank Borman has notified fellow explorer Marco Polo of his upcoming pick, because Frank Borman is good at handling the details.

Swift is arguably a top 20 talent. He’d be electric in a Reid offense and I’d be ecstatic if he was the pick. Doubt it happens though with only 5 picks and higher needs.

Horseface needs more weapons against the pass attack of Mahomes.

The Denver Broncos select Shyheim Carter, CB/S, Alabama.

PM will be sent.

I drafted Trent Richardson in the first round when I had the Chiefs. LMAO

LMAO

I'm getting Facebook ads for Buccaneers season tickets and gear now. There's got to be a privacy law violation going on here.

Been searching for Bucs draft needs have yah?

I have a PM to Direckshun in my sent box - PMs full maybe?

That's between me and Larry Page. He had no business telling Zuckerberg about ti.

Zuckerberg knows all, bro.

Turns out Jonathan Abram is really dumb, but Gruden likes his defenders to hit guys hard like the old days even though he got that in Abram and the dumbass got penalties and a ****ed up shoulder.

So they take another hard hitting safety who will back up Abram for when he inevitably ****s up again.

The Las Vegas Raiders select K’Von Wallace S Clemson

The colts add

J.R. Reed, S, Georgia

Remember to PM the next guy, everybody.

Just a reminder

I'll PM this dick to you right away.

The Dallas Cowboys select Colby Parkinson, TE, Stanford


Cowboys recently signed Blake Bell for TE but there is still needed help at this position. The Stanford product is y’all big red zone target plays like a big receiver very talented. Needs to work on blocking but cowboys feel those skills can be taught his natural talent can not.

Great pick. You took my selection!

The New England Patriots select Khalil Davis, DT, Nebraska.

The Baltimore Ravens select Antonio Gandy-Golden, WR, Liberty

The Ravens double down at receiver, because the value is too good to pass up. Gandy-Golden is a smooth receiver for his size, has great hands and is elusive in the open field.

The New Orleans Saints select Nick Harris, IOL, Washington

I have to say, I am not a fan of the Eason pick in the first, but that is water under the bridge. Adding depth to the OL here makes sense.

Much to my disbelief, the Saints are apparently all about Taysom Hill taking over after Brees.

That's a recipe for ****ing disaster.

I think it was the worst pick in the first round.

I agree 100% on that. Hill would be a dumpster fire at QB full time. Imagine handing the keys to the franchise over the a 30+ year old (when he would take over) QB as a first time starter. That said, if they are set on QB in round one it has to be Love over Eason IMO.

Excellent value for Kubiak here. Swing tackle that I originally wanted us to draft.

The Vikings select Jack Driscoll OL Auburn

Seattle selects

Benito Jones, DT, Ole Miss

You don't see the name Benito very often.

With pick #134 The Baltimore Ravens select A.J. Green, CB, Oklahoma State

For being a mediocre OL draft, we sure are taking a lot of fatties.

Lock this guy in a weight room for an entire offseason, and he's got solid starting potential

The Green Bay Packers select Alex Taylor, OT, South Carolina State

Also, FYI I’m pretty sure the Nick Harris that was drafted is the guy from Washington, not Ohio State. Unless there are two Nick Harris’ that play the same position.

That is correct, I was going to pull the trigger on an Ohio State player, had it typed up, then changed my mind. My bad guys. It has been edited to Washington.

You know him, you love him, even if you don't completely remember him. The next guy who enters the arena is a blocky, powerfully built fellow even if he's not lineman size. He wears a cowboy hat and a t-shirt with cutoff sleeves. He picks up the card and proceeds to the podium.

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I have his autograph on a copy of Warpaint Illustrated. ROFL

Fixed it.

Boomer Grigsby surveys the crowd. "In 2005," he drawls, "I was the 138th pick in the draft. I was a linebacker, and these ripped sleeves are for you, Gunther." He looks toward heaven and points.

"Eventually, they moved me to running back because they wanted to add some competition there. And I'm going to do the same thing now. With the 138th pick in the 2020 NFL draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select Eno Benjamin, RB, Arizona State University."

With that, Boomer tips his hat and leaves, as Chiefs fans remember the glory years of the Vermeil-era defenses.

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Boomer notifies the Buccaneers that they're on the clock, and then a strange and confusing moment ensues.

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All of the chatter stops as four women enter the room, clad only in the tiniest of microbikinis. They stop at the Tampa table, pick up the card, and sashay to the podium, their bare hips swaying seductively as they walk. Bill Belichick hands his business card to one of them as she passes.

They reach the podium, and an attractive blonde leans into the microphone.

"Continuing the theme of regionalism for Buccaneers fans, we have the home town of Tampa," she says. "And what is Tampa known for?"

All four women leap into the air, jiggling and giggling. "Strip clubs!"

The blonde continues. "Strip clubs are the economic engine of Tampa, which trails only Portland, Oregon, nationwide in the number of strip clubs per capita. We are here today to represent that industry and offer our support to the Buccaneers."

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A cute brunette steps up to the podium.

"Strip clubs are places where sometimes people have a little more fun than the f*****g cops will allow. So we were all arrested in a string in 2019. As part of our arrangements with the judge, we're here today to promote Tampa to the world as a tourist destination. And what better way to do that than to announce the next pick in the draft?"

She starts to step away, then steps back. "And by the way, Tampa's mug shot artist is very inattentive to details. Look at my fingers, coppers."

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A petite blonde steps up next.

"As god is my witness, I had no idea that lewdness was a crime," she says. "But anyway, we're big on identifying talent in our industry, so the Bucaneers are going to go with a big talent. With the 139th pick in the 2020 NFL draft..."

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And finally, the fourth woman steps to the stage, an attractive brunette with a charming fairy tattoo hovering over her ... um ... hip.

"I'd show you my sex organs," she says, "but apparently that's illegal, too. So I'll just announce the pick."

"The Tampa Bay Buccaneers select Leki Fotu, DT, Utah!"

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The women prepare to leave the stage, but the first blonde leans in. "Half price entry if you bring your ticket to the NFL draft, people!"

As they leave, Bill Belichick excuses himself from the draft table and follows.

Very entertaining, Rainman. Love Boomer as well as strippers.

Any room becomes more interesting when it contains four arrested strippers and Boomer Grigsby.

I went back and forth on Benjamin. My worry is that he's pretty similar to Damien Williams based on his descriptions that I've read. But in the end, Patrick Mahomes makes great use of slippery, quick guys who can run routes and we need depth. My decision to draft Benjamin over some other running backs was based on his ability to catch balls out of the backfield.

For the Buccaneers, I'd covered the positions of major need, so I looked around for a good talent. The Buccaneers shifted to a 3-4 last year, and they have Vita Vea at nose tackle. I figure that Fotu will be a good guy to rotate with him, and if at some point they lose Suh, one of those guys can move out to the 3-4 DE spot.

I like the Benjamin pick. Interesting.

That's funny. That's the other guy that I was debating on. It was either Dillon, who really intrigues me, or Benjamin. But I was reading that Dillon really doesn't catch the ball out of the backfield, so even though I liked him a lot I decided that he wasn't a fit.

Yea I have those two in the same tier as well. Dillon just seems like a natural replacement for Fournette and I’m sure the Jags would like their own version of Henry.

I almost pulled the trigger on Dillon as a complement to Damien and as a brute force runner to replace Ware and Darrel Williams perhaps. If it's second and 5 or less, do you play against Dillon on the run or Mahomes on the pass? I read various conflicting things about his pass blocking ability, but with his size it seems like he should be good at it. I literally had Dillon's name typed in, but the descriptions of Benjamin seemed like Mahomes and Reid could make good use of him. Not sure if I made the right call or not.

The Washington Redskins select James Proche, WR, SMU

The Redskins get an elite return specialist and slot receiver weapon who maybe can replicate a Chris Thompson role that the Redskins recently benefitted from.

I'm so happy because today I found my friends, they're in my head. They work for the Seahawks. And they told me too draft...

Joshua Kelley, RB, UCLA

Round 5 is up. Once again check for any **** ups

You're awesome and I love your every move.

Damn, thought we caught you snoozing.

The Cincinnati Bengals select Tyler Johnson, WR, Minnesota


Great possession receiver for TUA take pressure off of AJ Green

BZZZT! Try again.

Damn sorry must’ve missed him give me a sec

The Detroit Lions select Julian Blackmon, S, Utah..

The New York Giants select:

Brycen Hopkins, TE, Purdue

Not a great TE class but definitely think he's a top 100 guy?

PM sent to Direckshun. He claimed not to get the last one I sent him so if someone else wants to send him one as well, please go ahead.

Although I mean, it's the weekend so **** it.

Loving my Panthers draft even more than the Jags

1. Derrick Brown
2. Jaylon Johnson
3. Jeremy Chinn
4. John Simpson
5. Saahdiq Charles
5. Devin Asiasi

That is a great haul.