If I wouldn't have to deal with this called work, I would be able to enjoy Florida more, really can't beat the weather though.

http://bigstory.ap.org/article/polic...ouse-pitchfork

NORCROSS, Ga. (AP) — Police are searching for a man who used a pitchfork to rob a Waffle House restaurant northeast of Atlanta.

Norcross police say 50-year-old Jeffery Wooten entered the diner in Norcross, Georgia, Thursday night and forced people toward a back room. He then grabbed the cash register.

WSB-TV reports (http://bit.ly/1fBUsqB ) that the suspect dropped the pitchfork while carrying that cash register back to his truck.

Two restaurant workers followed the robber outside, grabbed the abandoned pitchfork and used it to smash a window on the robber's truck as he escaped, possibly injuring the suspect.

Norcross Police Chief Warren Summers says investigators have secured a warrant charging Wooten with armed robbery. He has not yet been caught.

Suspect is a Floridian.

Authorities say a northeast Florida woman who didn't like her neighbors had their mobile home demolished.

According to an arrest report, Ana Maria Moreta Folch of St. Augustine told a heavy equipment operator that she owned the trailer and wanted it and its septic tank destroyed.

The Florida Times-Union ( http://bit.ly/1mJ33qa ) reports that St. Johns County Sheriff's deputies were called when the trailer's real owner arrived Monday and found the demolition underway.

The arrest report says Moreta Folch wanted the trailer bulldozed because she thought its occupants were unsavory and she suspected they had broken into her car.

Moreta Folch was charged with criminal mischief, a third-degree felony. She was released Wednesday on $10,000 bail. Jail records did not show whether she had an attorney.

It was only a matter of time, really.

http://tinyurl.com/llmfhx2

On Monday, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that government meetings are allowed to open with prayer -- even though currently in this country, the vast majority of such prayers are geared toward Christianity. The case was prompted in Greece, New York, where ministers are often invited to say opening words at public meetings. Of 120 meetings, only four opening prayers were non-Christian.

It only took four days since the court's ruling for a self-described Satanist to ask to open a meeting with a plea to his god.

Chaz Stevens, an activist and longtime annoyance to elected officials -- the same man who last Christmas successfully installed his "Festivus Pole" made of Pabst beer cans in the rotunda of the Florida State Capitol -- has written to the City of Deerfield Beach, asking that he be allowed to open a meeting with a Satanic prayer.

Asked about his change of religion, Stevens says, "At Christmas, I was a Pabstfestidian. It's legitimate -- it's based in as much reality as the Catholics. But unlike Catholic priests, we don't rape little boys."

He said he converted to Satanism because "Satan is a cool dude. Think of all the people he's in charge of. Do you want to be stuck listening to harp music in the afterlife? Hell no. I want to drink beer and hang with hookers."

In all seriousness, he says, "I just want equal billing. We allow various religious nutjobs to give a prayer. They pray to Jesus, who is make-believe; God, who is make-believe; why not Satan, who is make-believe? Why discriminate against one make-believe god over another? Satan and I are being circumvented. The City of Deerfield Beach has once again declared war on religion -- and this time it's Satanism."

City attorney Andrew Maurodis had no comment yesterday afternoon.

Here's the full text of Stevens' letter:

Dear City of Deerfield Beach;

With the recent US Supreme Court ruling allowing "prayer before Commission meetings" and seeking the rights granted to others, I hereby am requesting I be allowed to open a Commission meeting praying for my God, my divine spirit, my Dude in Charge.

Be advised, I am a Satanist.

Let me know when this is good for you.

Besties

Chaz Stevens, Calling in from Ring 6 of Dante's Inferno

http://www.ocala.com/article/2014051...CLES/140519907

Murder defendant Daniel Trent said he stabbed his drinking companion and the man’s dog following an argument over the last can of beer.

“He didn’t want to share it. He wanted it for himself,” said Trent, of 5460 SE 30th Place, Unit C, in Ocala, as he sat on an aluminum bench at the Marion County Jail Tuesday morning. Trent said the killing was in self defense during a fight after the other man cut his hand with a kitchen knife.

Trent said he stabbed the dog -- a brown-and-white beagle -- because the dying man asked him to.

He was arrested Monday on a charge of second-degree murder in the death of 56-year-old Mark Durham. The stabbing occurred at Trent’s home in Greenfields Apartments overnight.

The two had been drinking Natural Ice, and Trent said they first drank a 24-pack purchased at a nearby store. Then, Trent said, they went back and got an 18-pack of Natural Ice. They both “chipped in,” he said, to buy the beer.

As they came to the last can of beer, Durham claimed it. Trent said they argued and he told Durham to go home.

Durham, he said, refused and instead went into the kitchen, grabbed a small knife and cut him on the side of his index finger. Trent said they struggled for the knife and he was able to take it away from Durham.

Then, he said, “I stabbed him.” Trent said he stabbed Durham twice, once in the stomach and once in the chest.

“I felt this was self defense because he attacked me,” Trent said, showing the open wound on the side of his right index finger.

Talk about a great brand loyalty commercial...

"I'd kill you AND your dog for a Nautural Ice!"

Augie Busch would be proud!

High School Coach steals close to a grand from students out of the boys locker room. Nice!

Hey coach! Get down and give me... my money back!

Investigators say physical education teacher Rodney Barnes stole $950 from students in the boy's locker room at New Smyrna Beach High School in New Smyrna Beach, Florida, WFTV reports.

Authorities first began investigating the locker room thefts in April when students reported cash missing from their wallets.

Volusia County deputies were unable to put surveillance cameras in the locker room, so they stashed $141 worth of decoy money, covered with an invisible ultralight powder, in a student's wallet, according to the Associated Press.

Although "Operation Sticky Fingers" was run numerous times in April, Monday was the first time that a student helping with the sting finally noticed missing money. That same day, deputies checked the hands of students and faculty using an ultraviolet light and the powder allegedly showed up on Barnes' hands.

Upon questioning, Barnes admitted to taking a $50 bill from the student’s wallet and admitted to several other thefts totaling $170, cops say

Deputies said Barnes told them he would check lockers for any that were unsecured and go through the wallets, looking for cash. He stated he would never take all of the money, according to MyNews13.com

Barnes told ClickOrlando.com, "I made a mistake." He also said that he wouldn't teach again at the school even if he were allowed because he realizes staff and students have lost respect for him.

Barnes has been accused of mishandling student money in the money in the past.

According to employment records obtained by the Daytona Beach News-Journal, Barnes was reprimanded in September, 2012, for collecting $1,200 from students for P.E. uniforms without turning in the money.

Barnes was charged with grand theft and burglary, and released on $3,000 bail on Tuesday. He resigned from his job on Wednesday, according to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office.

Whether Barnes loses his teacher certification is up to the Florida Department of Education, BayNews9.com reports.

ROFL

Why would you let him stay?

Her time behind bars was touch and go.
http://tinyurl.com/qfw4d7y

Lakeisha Johnson, a 29-year-old employee of strip club Tootsie's Cabaret in Miami, was suspected of stealing an iPad after Broward County deputies allegedly spotted her jumping fences behind homes in the Florida town early Monday morning.

Deputies say when they approached Johnson, she began taking off her clothes and using vulgar language, Local10.com reports.

The iPad was not found in Johnson's possession, but she was arrested and charged with resisting an officer without violence.

Officers say she slapped a cop’s arm and yelled, “Don’t touch me, bitch!” according to The Smoking Gun.

It was when Johnson came to the Hallandale Beach Jail that officers say she began repeatedly removing her clothing, exposing her genitals, buttocks and breasts, and masturbating.

She also allegedly shook the cell door and offered to perform a sex act in exchange for her release, the Florida Sun-Sentinel reported.

When Johnson appeared before a judge on Wednesday morning, her alleged jailhouse behavior made quite the impression on Judge John Hurley, who refused to read aloud some of the allegations against her.

“File this under 'That's a doozy,’” Hurley said, according to NBC Miami.

The judge gave her $100 bond for the resisting arrest charge, but did not cite her for the alleged sex show in jail.

Though Johnson's arrest report says she is an employee at Tootsie's Cabaret, an attorney for the club told Local10.com she has never performed there.

Florida loves their guns. From Colbert
<div style="background-color:#<div style="padding:4px;"><iframe src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:arc:video:colbertnation.com:6f1a8a24-f0f9-4ca1-aa9b-11b82b6362d0" frameborder="0" height="288" width="512"></iframe><p style="text-align:left;background-color:#FFFFFF;padding:4px;margin-top:4px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12px;">The Colbert Report
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Indecision Political Humor,The Colbert Report on Facebook</p></div></div>

Florida judge fist fights with lawyer in middle of court


http://youtu.be/Wdh_-PnWQXw


Wish more judges would beat the shit out of more attorneys

Meanwhile in Florida....

Meh, it's better with no sand to get in the crack of your ass!

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...ZzxFfWtvEWE0WH

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...ushpmg00000022

Walker? I barely know her!

A resident of a Florida retirement community was allegedly caught having sex outside with her younger lover on June 2, according to a police report obtained by The Smoking Gun.

Margaret Ann Klemm, 68, and David Bobilya, 49, were charged with indecent exposure and disorderly conduct after being allegedly caught sans pants in the "square" of The Villages in Sumter County. The Village is known as "Florida's friendliest retirement hometown."

Klemm was also allegedly without a shirt, and officials say they both appeared intoxicated.

Margot Harris, a sex columnist at Brown University, told HuffPost in April that she believed the desire to have sex in public likely fades as people get older. Apparently, she was wrong.

Seriously, just because you're a senior citizen doesn't mean you don't want to try new things in bed. In fact, in February a 72-year-old man allegedly got the cops called on him by his wife because he asked her to "hook up with his sisters."

This is an interesting Florida story. I'd really like to know more about the missile.

http://jezebel.com/woman-who-shot-mi...e-e-1589467389

Woman Who Shot Missile Into Car Has Most Florida Name EVER (EVER)


This woman's name is so amazing I had to call the sheriff' s department to confirm.

A Florida woman was arrested in May for shooting a missile into a vehicle. While this already raises some interesting questions (how did someone get access to a missile and why would she waste it on a car instead of selling it to the Russians), what's even more interesting is the woman's name, which appears on her booking record as, well, here's a photo:

Woman Who Shot Missile Into Car Has Most Florida Name EVER (EVER)


http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/...tnkn1rh4sq.jpg

While I couldn't get any information on the actual arrest, I had to confirm that the name was real so I put on my reporter hat and started making phone calls. After talking to a worker who wouldn't give me her name at the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, I was directed to the Polk County Sheriff's Office, where I spoke with Sharon (not interested in talking to me) and Linda, tireless public servant. keeper of the records and star of this particular story

Here's how our conversation went:

Me: Hi, I'm calling to ask about a name of one of the people you booked and released in May.

Linda: Not yesterday?

Me: No, May.

Linda: Okay, what is her name?

Me: Crystal Metheney.

Linda: Hmmm. And what is your question, sir? (Linda calling me sir was the highlight of my day because usually my high-pitched nasal twang gets a "ma'am" or an "are your parents home?")

Me: Is that her real name? And was she arrested for shooting a missile?

Linda: That's what it says here.

Me: Not an alias?

Linda: No.

Me: That's a pretty amazing name.

Linda: (Sighs) Sir, this is Florida. We have a lot of interesting names here.

It's unlikely that we'll ever know more about Metheney — she was released on a $5000 bond and is hopefully not using her money to buy any more missiles — but Linda will live on through the ages. In fact, if anyone deserves a sitcom (or a documentary on TRU TV) it's Linda.

Maybe they were trying to speed read.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...ushpmg00000022

Tiffany Stoltz, 23, and Raymond King, 28, are accused of cooking meth on the grounds of the Jacaranda Public Library in Venice, Florida, the Sarasota Herald-Tribune reports.

The Sarasota County Sheriff's Office received a tip on Monday that someone appeared to be making meth near the library, according to the Bradenton Herald. An undercover officer responded to the scene and reported that King "removed several items from his backpack, and began mixing liquids," according to a news release. Stoltz was sitting on a mattress nearby.

The couple was taken into custody. Officers recovered common meth-making ingredients such as pseudoephedrine, liquid petroleum fuel, lithium batteries and tubing.

Stoltz and King are homeless, according to the Bradenton Herald, and police say King had been living at the library for about a month.

They are both charged with felony counts of attempt to manufacture methamphetamine and possession of listed chemicals with intent to manufacture.

As Barbara Hijek notes in the Sun Sentinel, "Guess they wanted to make their meth by the book.

Rock Lobster! Down...Down...Down.....Your Pants!

That's one shellfish person.

A Florida woman is in hot water after allegedly shoplifting seven lobster tails by hiding them in her pants.

Police in DeLand arrested Nichole Ann Reed, 30, on Thursday after a security guard said he saw Reed leave the market without paying for the delicious crustaceans, the Orlando Sentinel reports.

The lobster tails were valued at $11.99 each.

Reed allegedly told police she planned to trade the tails with a friend for either a Chinese buffet meal or the prescription drug Dilaudid, according to ClickOrlando.com.

Reed was charged with petty theft and taken to the Volusia County Branch Jail.

She has been previously arrested several times for disorderly conduct, domestic battery and battery causing bodily harm, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...ushpmg00000022

Kill it with Grits!!!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...ushpmg00000022

Don't throw these anywhere but straight into our mouths.

ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — A Florida man has been charged with attempted murder after throwing a pan of hot grease and grits at a man who was on his front porch.

Edward Holley told investigators that he had gotten into an argument with Darryl Blacknell on Tuesday night. When he saw Blacknell on his porch the next day, he says he took the hot pan from his stove and threw it on the man.

Orlando police say Holley told them they should just arrest him because "next time I am going to kill him."

Investigators say Blacknell is in the hospital with second- and third-degree burns. He told them he was playing cards with Holley's cousin when he was attacked.

Holley remains in the Orange County Jail, charged with attempted second-degree murder. Records do not list an attorney for him.

Prisoner smuggles gun into prison.......to shoot himself and sue the prison and state.

http://www.wctv.tv/home/headlines/Fl...263531801.html


LAKE CITY, Fla. - The Florida Department of Law Enforcement Tallahassee Regional Operations Center charged seven based upon a scheme by two inmates to sue the Florida Department of Corrections after self-inflicting gunshot wounds. Five are in custody and two are at-large.



FDLE began its investigation on March 22, 2014 after two inmates were shot with a .25 caliber Beretta semi-automatic pistol inside Columbia Correctional Institution in Lake City. Inmates Kirk Cartwright, 33, and Deshandre Billups, 26, told investigators they were shot by an unknown person while praying inside their cell. However, investigators found that the inmates conspired to bring a gun into the prison through the mail, and shoot themselves with the intent of suing the prison system.



The investigation shows that inmates Cartwright and Billups smuggled contraband items into the prison without detection of Columbia CI staff. The pair routinely smuggled in cell phones and drugs they sold to other inmates or kept for themselves. Family members and friends of the two inmates, along with inmate Tony Underwood, 21, helped in the scheme.



Inmate Kirk Cartwright – Investigators found that Cartwright conspired to obtain a gun inside Columbia CI, intentionally shoot himself and then sue Department of Corrections and seek to have his sentence reduced. Cartwright is currently serving a life sentence for murder.
Inmate Deshandre Billups - Investigators found that Billups conspired to obtain a gun inside Columbia CI, intentionally shoot himself and then sue Department of Corrections and seek to have his sentence reduced. Billups is serving a 20-year prison term for robbery with a deadly weapon and armed burglary.
Both inmates are charged with:
• Possession of a firearm inside a correctional facility;
• Introduction of contraband into a correctional facility- unauthorized written communications, 10 counts;
• Possession of contraband in a correctional facility- cellular phones, 10 counts;
• Possession of a firearm by convicted felon; and
• Possession of ammunition by convicted felon.
Additionally, inmate Billups is charged with possession of contraband-currency and inmate Cartwright is charged with introduction of contraband-controlled substances.
Inmate Underwood- Investigators found that inmate Underwood assisted in the distribution of contraband into Columbia CI. He is serving a six-year prison sentence for burglary and grand theft.
Inmate Underwood is charged with:
• Introduction of contraband into a correctional facility- unauthorized written communications, 10 counts; and
• Possession of contraband in a correctional facility- cellular phones, 10 counts.
Joanne Billups, 46, –Investigators found that inmate Billups’ mother knowingly communicated with her son via cell phone and text messages and that she sent at least 10 text messages in the days before the shooting including one less than two hours before the incident. Billups was arrested this morning and booked into Hillsborough County Jail on a $100,000 bond.
Ekecia Anderson, 21, - Investigators found that Anderson knowingly communicated with her boyfriend, inmate Underwood, via cell phone and text messages. An arrest warrant has been issued for Anderson.
Monique Thompson, 35, - Investigators found that Thompson knowingly communicated with her brother, inmate Cartwright, via cell phone and text messages. An arrest warrant has been issued for Thompson.
Billups, Anderson and Thompson are charged with unauthorized written communications with inmates, 10 counts each.
Katherine Landrum, 28, – Investigators found that inmate Cartwright’s girlfriend assisted with bringing contraband into Columbia CI. She is charged with 10 counts of introduction of contraband into a correctional facility-unauthorized written communications and introduction of contraband-controlled substances. Landrum was arrested this morning and booked into Duval County Jail on a $110,000 bond.\


The investigation is on-going and additional arrests and charges are anticipated. The Florida Department of Corrections is assisting FDLE with its investigation. The Office of the State Attorney, 3rd Judicial Circuit, is prosecuting this case.

YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

http://www.gifsoup.com/view1/1139482...0gif%20320x240

22 Black and White photos that prove Florida has always been a weird place.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/katienotopou...ys-been#dnuke5

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2014...8691909-34.jpg

THIS ONE'S A REAL BEAUTY BUT FROM LOUISIANA!
 

I didn't want to start an entire thread with this one story but it is Floriduh worthy!

Catch her name-Princess Marks! LMAO

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/...had-sex-876502

A Louisiana woman left her two young children unattended in her SUV while she performed oral sex on her boyfriend in his vehicle around 12:30 AM Friday, police report.

Princess Marks, 25, reportedly admitted to Calcasieu Parish Sheriff’s Office deputies that she was unable to see her children--aged seven and five--while she was pleasuring her boyfriend in the parking lot of a Lake Charles store.

Cops found the children inside the SUV, which was not running and had its windows down.

Marks’s post-midnight assignation resulted in her arrest for child desertion. Seen in the adjacent mug shot, Marks was booked into jail and later released after posting $5000 bond on the felony count.

Following her collar, Marks’s offspring were placed in the custody of family members. Her beau--whom investigators did not identify--was not arrested.

http://social.lared.cl/wp-content/up...00-800x400.jpg

Mother arrested after allowing 7 year son go to park alone



Port St. Lucie, FL (WPTV) — A mom faces a charge of child neglect after she allowed her son to go to a park alone. She says he’s old enough but Port St. Lucie Police disagree. Now she’s fighting back.

“I’m totally dumbfounded by this whole situation,” says Nicole Gainey.

It began last Saturday afternoon when Gainey gave her son Dominic permission to walk from their house to Sportsman’s Park .

“Honestly didn’t think I was doing anything wrong,” says Gainey, “I was letting him go play.

It’s a half mile from their Port St. Lucie home. Dominic says it only takes him about 10 to 15 minutes to get there. During the walk, the 7-year-old passed a public pool. Someone there asked him where his mom was.

“They asked me a couple questions and I got scared so I ran off to the park and they called the cops,” says Dominic Guerrisi.

Dominic was playing at the park when an officer pulled up.

“They said ‘where does your mom live,’ ” says Dominic.

Police took him home. That’s when his mom was arrested and charged with child neglect. Gainey says she was shocked.

“My own bondsman said my parents would have been in jail every day,” says Gainey who paid nearly $4,000 to bond out.

The officer wrote in the report that Dominic was unsupervised at the park and that “numerous sex offenders reside in the vicinity.”

“He just basically kept going over that there’s pedophiles and this and that and basically the park wasn’t safe and he shouldn’t be there alone,” says Gainey.

She believes Dominic is mature enough to go to the park alone during the day. Gainey adds her son always has a cell phone which she calls to check on him.

“That I’m here and safe,” says Dominic.

Gainey plans to fight the felony charge. But after this she won’t let Dominic go to the park alone. She’s afraid she’ll be arrested again.

The St. Lucie County State’s Attorney’s office says there is no law that specifies how old a child has to be before he or she can go somewhere unsupervised. It’s done on a case-by-case basis.

Grandma's going to the big house for bumpin uglies in the retirement home:


A married grandma of 14 faces six months behind bars after she had public sex with a man who was not her husband at a public pavilion in Florida.

Peggy Klemm, 68, and her 49-year-old copulation co-conspirator, David Bobilya, were sentenced Wednesday after their romp at Lake Sumter Landing Market Square, Click Orlando reports. Apparently, a retirement community there called The Villages, which houses 100,000 people, is known for its wild nights, $3.75 cocktails and public sex.

Klemm likely got arrested because she was on probation for a previous reckless driving charge, the Daily Mail reports. She was slapped with six months in jail when she took a plea deal for the public sex.

Klemm and Bobilya were caught with their pants around their ankles having sex against the Bait Shack hut at 10:30 p.m. on June 12.

She stood in front of a judge on Wednesday and mouthed "I love you" to her husband of 50 years, Frank Klemm, who stood beside her despite the philandery.

"She is a super woman as far as I'm concerned," he told Click Orlando. "And she deserves a second chance. That's all I have to say."

She apologized through tears as she walked out of court. She'll get credit for time served and has 135 days left to her sentence. Bobilya is also serving a six-month sentence.

And when she gets out, there's a drink waiting for her. The Daily Mail reports that the Red Sauce bar in the retirement community is making bank with their new cocktail, Sex on the Square. It's a rum, coconut and cream delight, with a cherry on top, and it costs $3.75.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...ushpmg00000022

Klemm and Bobilya were caught with their pants around their ankles having sex against the Bait Shack hut at 10:30 p.m. on June 12.

classy

The Villages is like a retirement area for swingers I think. Years ago there was vs going all over that place cuz the men were banging pristitutes, and their wives were catching it and spreading it to other men in The Villages.....

FWIW I would like to have sexual relations with Kala Rama in the gazebo.

The Villages is just a 55+ retirement community. 60K+ in the community. They have a 80% turnout for elections. I'm sure there are swingers but its mainly retirement going on in there. Every presidential candidate will stop and make a speech in the Villages. Paseo county, now thats where the nudits and swinger community's are located.

A Port Orange, Florida woman attacked and burglarized her own grandmother to get money for a hotel room, police say.

Brigitte Matzke, 25, and her husband, 26-year-old Alex Caldwell, were arrested Monday shortly after the alleged attack, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal. Police responded to a 911 call reporting screaming and banging coming from the house. They found the 84-year-old alleged victim, Aida Matzke sitting on her stoop crying.

Investigators say that at about 9:40 p.m., Brigitte Matzke and her husband went to her grandmother's home and demanded $80 to spend the night at a hotel. Matzke allegedly grabbed her grandma, ripped off her bra, twisted her wrists and stole jewelryafter her grandmother refused to give her money, WPTV reports.

When Aida Matzke tried to call 911, her granddaughter ripped the landline phone out of the wall and threw it at her.

The suspects fled with $1,900 in stolen items including jewelry and a cellphone.

Shortly after midnight, a local deputy spotted the pair's car at a gas station in South Daytona. Caldwell was removed from the vehicle and arrested. Matzke was located hiding in the men's bathroom of the gas station.

They were both charged with assault and battery, false imprisonment, grand theft, possession of methamphetamine and threatening a witness.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...&ir=Weird+News

Wow that face!!

Scroll through the Horror's of Meth picture album- nasty stuff.

Meth is a mother ****er! And that female pic in the article is horrendous! If she looks like that I'd hate to see what her husband looks like!

http://abcnews.go.com/Travel/cops-wo...ref_map=%5B%5D

Cops: Woman Crashes Car While Shaving Her Privates
March 11, 2010
By MATT GUTMAN
MATT GUTMAN More From Matt »
Correspondent

PHOTO Megan Barnes is shown in her booking photo. Barnes was allegedly driving while shaving her bikini area when she hit another vehicle.
Megan Barnes is shown in her booking photo. Barnes was allegedly driving while shaving her bikini area when she hit another vehicle. Handout
Internet punsters are celebrating Megan Barnes as Florida's "Pubic Enemy," others are chattering about her "razor sharp focus."

The 37-year-old Barnes catapulted to instant fame for an alleged multi-tasking mash-up that earned the bottle-blonde's mug shot a spot on hundreds of Web sites.

According to a startled Florida Highway Patrol trooper, Barnes was shaving her bikini area while driving south on the famed Overseas Highway when she crashed into the rear of an SUV March 2.

'If I Wasn't There, I Wouldn't Have Believed It'

In the police report obtained by ABC News, the trim job was apparently essential because the arresting officer, trooper Gary Dunick, said the Indiana native told him she was heading to Key West visit her boyfriend.

"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Dunick told the Key West Citizen.

It gets weirder. In order to pay full attention to her sensitive regions, police say Barnes enlisted her ex-husband, Charles Judy, who was riding shotgun, to hold the wheel.
Yes, her ex-husband.

Their tag-team driving went awry when an SUV driving in front of them slowed to turn. Barnes' 1995 Thunderbird smashed into it. Two of the SUV's passengers suffered minor injuries, police say. Barnes shouldn't have been driving that Thunderbird, since she had been convicted the previous day for driving under the influence and driving with a suspended license.

According to the arrest report, it was the sixth time her license had been suspended.

After the accident, Barnes and Judy drove off, police say. The Thunderbird limped a few hundred yards before the couple switched seats. "She jumps in the back seat and he moves over," Dunick told the Citizen. "It was like the old comedy bit, 'Who's on first?'"

But the attempt to claim that Judy, not Barnes, was driving was also doomed. Judy had visible burns on his chest he claimed came from the exploding airbag, but only the passenger side airbag deployed, according to the police report.

So Dunick charged Barnes with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of an accident with injuries and driving with no insurance. Judy was not charged.

According to the arrest affidavit, the trooper asked her afterward why she didn't hit the brakes when she saw the SUV. She answered bluntly, "I told you, I was shaving."

"If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it," Dunick told the Citizen.

"About 10 years ago, I stopped a guy in the exact same spot... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it."

Hang up the razor and drive???

Would not. Shes obviously not very sharp.

Hah. I got pulled over once for using an electric razor while driving - using it on my face, that is. I was like 22 or 23.

St. Pete police: Man arrested for prowling tried to fight a fire hydrant

St. Petersburg police recently arrested a prowler who they say tried to fight a fire hydrant before he was taken into custody.


Police said they arrested Jeffrey Paul McKenna, 34, after he was seen peeking into windows of homes in the 4800 block of Third Avenue N in St. Petersburg on Aug. 14.

Police were called and when officers arrived, McKenna told them he was looking for "Tony" and "wanted to go with the back up officer and smoke and be back in 20 minutes," an officer wrote in an arrest report.

"He was also acting like he was going to fight the fire hydrant in front of him prior to being taken into custody," the officer wrote.

The report does not indicate if McKenna — or the fire hydrant — landed any blows.

St. Pete police: Man arrested for prowling tried to fight a fire hydrant 08/18/14 [Last modified: Monday, August 18, 2014 9:40pm]

Meth is a horrible drug.

The Satanic Temple has responded to an Orange County, Florida decision to disseminate religious materials in public school by creating complementary materials that espouse the philosophy and practice of Satanism.

Last month, a Florida judge ruled that if the Orange County school district allowed Christian groups to disseminate Bibles and Christian-oriented religious materials in its schools, it would also have to allow atheist groups to do the same.

David Williamson of the Central Florida Free Thought Community — who recently fought against Brevard County’s attempt to ban atheists from offering invocations at public meetings — sued the district over its initial unwillingness to allow atheist literature with titles like “Jesus Is Dead” and “Why I Am Not a Muslim” in the schools.

A judge dismissed that case after the school board decided to allow the materials.

The Satanic Temple took advantage of this decision, deciding to flood Orange County schools with a pamphlet entitled The Satanic Children’s Big Book of Activities that contains kid-friendly Satanic lessons.

“These bullies are mad and afraid of things they don’t understand,” the instructions on the word-jumble reads. “Help Damian use inclusive language to defuse the situation.

The spokesman for the Satanic Temple, Lucien Greaves, explained that his organization “would never seek to establish a precedent of disseminating our religious materials in public schools because we believe our constitutional values are better served by respecting a strong separation of Church and State.”

“However,” he continued, “if a public school board is going to allow religious pamphlets and full Bibles to be distributed to students — as is the case in Orange County, Florida — we think the responsible thing to do is to ensure that these students are given access to a variety of differing religious opinions, as opposed to standing idly by while one religious voice dominates the discourse and delivers propaganda to youth.”

The Satanic Temple made headlines earlier this year when it successfully petitioned the state of Oklahoma to allow it to erect a goat-headed Baphomet statue adjacent to a display of the Ten Commandments.
Greaves made it clear that, in both cases, his organization is only responding to provocations by the Christian community.

““Even as we prefer public policies respecting secularism, we feel that opportunities — such as this — to establish an equal voice for contrasting religious opinions in the public square, tend to favor marginalized, lesser-known, and alternative religions,” he said.

“I am quite certain that all of the children in these Florida schools are already aware of the Christian religion and it’s Bible, and this might be the first exposure these children have to the actual practice of Satanism. We think many students will be very curious to see what we offer.”

Link: http://tinyurl.com/m2cqhvc

Dealt with my first bath salt smoker the other day, why the **** do people do that shit again?

Dude needed to work on his flexibility....

If police have their way, the next pose this suspect does will be for a mugshot.

A Florida man is accused of pleasuring himself during a visit to yoga class, authorities say.

The Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office identified the suspect as Joseph Jordan, 42, following the incident at Power Yoga studio in San Marco around 9:30 a.m., Sunday.

According to a JSO report five minutes after the class started the instructor ... looks and sees the suspect with his hands in his pants. The report said he was masturbating and they confronted him, gave him a refund and escorted him out of the building.

The report said Joseph Jordan was wearing jean shorts and a white t-shirt.

Authorities say that Jordan, a registered sex offender, used his real name when signing up the the class.

"He filled out the form with a lot of his specific information," said Jacksonville Sheriff's Office spokeswoman Melissa Bujeda, according to News4Jax. "Maybe couldn't control himself once he was in there ... He wasn't trying to hide, which causes us more concern."

Hours later, Jordan was seen near a woman's bathroom on the University of North Florida campus. Authorities escorted away, not knowing about the earlier incident. A warrant for Jordan's arrest was not filed until Monday, according to WOKV.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...ushpmg00000022

He was wearing "Jorts" and still managed to FAP?


Creepy yet impressive.

Omg...if someone gave me a wegie like that....they wouldn't live to tell the tale.

Take THAT Grandpa!!!

A Florida man faces a battery charge after allegedly punching an 80-year-old man who asked him to stop cursing in an Applebee's.

Mikie Sawyer, 26, was arrested Sunday night after allegedly attacking Harry Sander, 80, at the Port Orange franchise of the chain restaurant.

Sander told police that he heard Sawyer "talking obscenities" at the bar, according to the Smoking Gun.

The alleged victim said he politely asked the suspect "If he could please stop using the ‘F’ word and stop talking so loud about ‘titties and ass,’” according to the police report.

Sander then leaned in close to Sawyer and said, “In my Germany you don’t speak in such a manner.”

Sawyer allegedly responded to Sander by saying, “I don’t care where you are from, whether it be Russia or Dutch,” the Daytona Beach News-Journal reports.

Sawyer then told Sander to go back to the other side of the bar, but Sander didn't move.

That's when the suspect allegedly punched the octogenarian in the face and pushed him backward so that the victim hit a table and then the floor, according to the newspaper.

Witnesses supposedly backed up Sander's claim.

Sawyer left the restaurant before police arrived but was pulled over a short time later.

Although Sawyer told police that Sander actually punched him, the police report noted that the suspect had no bruising on his face. He did have discolored and bruised knuckles and fingers, according to ClickOrlando.com.

Sawyer was charged with battery on a person over 65 years of age and disorderly conduct and booked at the Volusia County Branch Jail. He was later released on a $2,500 bond.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/1...&ir=Weird+News

The ****? I'd have knocked his old ass out too. You don't ask someone to stop talking about tits and ass. That's just not American.

He should have floated his idea to others before running off into the deep end.

This woman was in the daily mail.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...mother-80.html

This thread may need to die, our awesome fans from Fla almost have me convinced to move there...

Tammy Hiser doesn't like being ignored.

Her boyfriend, Andrew Whitaker, found that out Monday night when she threatened him with an ax, because he wouldn't talk to her, according to the Associated Press.

The incident began when Whitaker, 28, picked up the 34-year-old Hiser at Biggins, the Daytona Beach strip club where she works.

Hiser reportedly tried to talk with her boyfriend, but Whitaker ignored her because he was mad she was intoxicated.

“She is an entertainer, a dancer,” Whitaker told the Daytona Beach News-Journal. “And that is where the problem is because she drinks and drinks at work.”

Whitaker told police that Hiser's drinking was so bad that it got the couple kicked out of his mom's home, forcing them to stay in a hotel.

Hiser was allegedly so angry by Whitaker's silent treatment that she allegedly punched him repeatedly in the face until they got to the hotel where they were staying.

When the couple got to the hotel, Whitaker ran up to the room.

Hiser showed up there a few minutes later holding an ax. She allegedly told the victim that she would hit him with the ax if he called police, the Orlando Sentinel reports.

When Whitaker walked towards Hiser, she allegedly swung the ax at him, but he was able to take it away from her before he was hit.

"Her coordination was terrible so she was just slushing around," he said in the police report.

Whitaker called police, who arrested Hiser on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and battery causing bodily harm.

As of Wednesday, she's behind bars on $3,000 bail.

Hiser was also arrested for battery on Sept. 18 for allegedly beating Whitaker after he said he'd break up with her if she didn't stop drinking.

Despite that fight, Whitaker told the Orlando Sentinel he is trying to get the felony charge dropped.

He told the paper: "I see spending the rest of my life with her."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/1...&ir=Weird+News

I'm so glad this thread is still alive. My radio segment "this week's important Florida news" was absolutely a ripoff from this thread.

And there you go......... LMAO

Thieves steal 36,000 pounds of Crisco....could be planning the world's largest Crisco Twister party....

Update Oct. 14, 11:13 a.m.: The St. Petersburg Police Department says the stolen tractor-trailer was located in Hialeah. There’s no word on whether the Hialeah Police Department also found that missing 36,000 pounds of Crisco.

Earlier:

Some slick auto thieves cooked up some trouble in St. Petersburg over the weekend when police say they stole a tractor-trailer containing about 36,000 pounds of Crisco sticks.

The truck was swiped early Sunday morning from Coastal Towing, 2390 118th Ave. N., according to an email to media from the police department. The Crisco was meant for delivery to the Publix supermarkets distribution center in Lakeland, police said.

http://patch.com/florida/stpete/thie...r#.VD1My-euXWZ

This could just be idiots or something worse. There is an explosive that you can make from Crisco but you need very large amounts of it to make a good sized bomb.

That's going to fry a lot of chicken boobs!

Hey, this chili is a little extra chewy!

http://www.azcentral.com/story/news/...rant/17622535/

Billy Wilson of Cape Coral, Florida, claims he found this rat head in a bowl of chili at his local Golden Corrall

You've heard of a fly in the soup? How about a rat head in a bowl of chili?

A diner in Cape Coral, Florida, says he believes he found exactly that last week at a Golden Corral restaurant.

Billy Wilson usually eats at the restaurant once a week, but not any longer after getting an unappetizing ingredient.

"The first bite I took out of it was a crunch, and at the time, I was like maybe, you know, sometimes you get a hard bean inside of chili," Wilson told WFTX TV.

Wilson said he immediately spat out what looked to him like a rat's head with curly ears and snaggletooth.

Although he was eating dinner, he immediately lost his lunch.

"When I seen it, I just went into the bathroom and threw up. Ugh, I just couldn't get the taste out of my mouth," Wilson told the station. "It was just nasty."

Wilson called the manager over to his table.

"He inspected and was like, 'Wow. That is a rat,'" Wilson said, according to Live5News.com. "So he took pictures of it, moved it around a little bit, took pictures in different angles. He was like me; he was horrified."

Although Golden Corral comped the entire meal, Wilson still felt queasy. The next day he went to a hospital emergency room and was treated for gastroenteritis. Doctors prescribed medications for nausea and muscle spasms.

He insists he's not making up the story.

"They have cameras in there and everything," he told WFTX. "I'm scared of rats."

The Golden Corral corporate office is investigating the incident, but has yet to substantiate Wilson's claim, the New York Daily News reports.

"While we continue to look into the matter, we have been unable to confirm the alleged incident at our 410 Andalusia Boulevard location,” a Golden Corral spokeswoman said in a statement. “We remain committed to delivering a high-quality food and guest experience in a clean and safe environment."

Wilson and his attorney, Ray Racila, are calling on Golden Corral to review surveillance tape to show what transpired.

"Normally, you get cases like this, people take food somewhere else, open it up and something happens," Racila told WFTX. "This happened right in the restaurant where there's no question what happened. The manager is right there."

Rat-The other white meat!

golden corral
chili
rat head

so many ?'s
sec

Never get between a brother and his pork...even if you're "mentally challenged." You might get hacked with a machete!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFz1q7pQTe0

And if Melissa says "Eat those Meatballs" you better eat those meatballs...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/1...n_6036216.html

She seems nice....

Meh, this has been happening since we crawled out of the ocean, Florida wasn't even born yet!

God bless this penis-shaped state.

http://khon2.com/2014/11/03/90-year-...-the-homeless/

http://gawker.com/teen-girl-arrested...ion-1663128167

http://tbo.com/pinellas-county/one-d...ting-20141125/
TBO.com staff
Published: November 25, 2014 | Updated: November 25, 2014 at 09:17 AM



Map Data
Terms of Use

Pinellas Park shooting Google Map Link Pinellas Park shooting
A Pinellas Park man died this morning after police say he accidentally shot himself in the face during a dispute with his wife.

Police responding to 5271 87th Ave. N. just after 6 a.m. found several family members inside and outside the residence, and 57-year-old Dennis Eugene Emery with facial injuries consistent with a gunshot wound.

Emery was pronounced dead at the scene, police say.

During an argument with his wife, police say Emery retrieved a gun and threatened to shoot one of the family’s dogs.

Emery pulled the gun’s hammer back as if he were going to fire the gun, police say. But as he started to release it back to a safe position, the gun discharged as it was pointed at his face.

According to records, Pinellas Park police have had 34 contacts with Emery since 2012, including three arrests in a five-day period from Oct. 12-17 on charges including domestic battery, aggravated assault, resisting arrest, and leaving the scene of a crash.

Twin sisters in Florida fight over vibrator, boyfriend

http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/2323...tor-boyfriend/

In Bradenton, Florida, 48-year-old Heidi Creamer launched into fisticuffs with her twin sister on Sunday because of a sex toy and her boyfriend.

The Orlando Sentinel reported that Creamer slugged her sister in the kisser — right in the front room of a residential address — and knocked her to the tiles. Creamer continued to claw and punch at her sister, who was lying on the ground and defending herself by kicking at the sibling rival.

Moments later, Creamer started putting her personal belongings outside and, when she exited the house for a second, the sister slammed the door and locked it. And, when police arrived, shit got a little weirder.

After a dispatch unit stopped in front of the apartment, “the twin sister was on the balcony of her apartment with blood on her face,” according to the Sentinel, “where she had been yelling to neighbors to call the police … Creamer was banging on the front door, screaming obscenities and yelling at the officer, according to the report.”

And that’s when Creamer was placed in the back of the patrol car, where she added that the fight was “over a vibrator and her boyfriend.” She was booked in county jail.

She now faces charges related to domestic battery and is currently out on bond.

Florida Couple high on drugs ‘trapped’ inside UNLOCKED closet for days:

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/rea...-1227172299579

A COUPLE who were high on drugs spent two days believing they were trapped inside a janitor’s closet only to discover when the cops arrived that the closet had been open the whole time.

Sheriff's office: Florida man decapitates his mother
 

Such a nice son! :spock:

http://news.yahoo.com/sheriffs-offic...204529668.html

OLDSMAR, Fla. (AP) — A Florida man is charged with first-degree murder after his mother was found decapitated outside their home on New Year's Eve.

According to the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office, Mario Gomez called 911 on Wednesday evening and told dispatchers that his brother Christian had killed their mother and cut off her head.

Deputies found Maria Suarez-Cassagne's body outside the Oldsmar home, near some garbage cans. Sheriff Bob Gualtieri said Thursday that Gomez had planned his mother's murder for two days.

Gomez was upset with his mother because she wanted him to move boxes around the house, and he was jealous of the attention Suarez-Cassagne paid to his brother, Gualtieri said. The 23-year-old attacked his mother in the garage with an ax, severing her head, Gualtieri said. Gomez then allegedly dragged his mother's remains from the garage to the garbage cans.

Gualtieri told reporters that the crime was one of the worst his department had ever seen. Gomez then fled the scene, but he was arrested a few blocks away after another 911 call reported a suspicious person riding a bicycle in the area. Gomez confessed to killing his mother, Gualtieri said. Investigators recovered the ax. Mario Gomez, 27, was not injured.

According to the sheriff's office, Gomez had been diagnosed with schizophrenia and previously was held under the Baker Act. Gomez also had other arrests in Pinellas County for loitering and prowling, resisting an officer without violence and disorderly conduct.

Pinellas County jail records did not show whether Gomez had an attorney.

http://www.wlwt.com/image/view/-/304...ez-fla-mug.jpg

Damn assault axes! Ban them!! Between global warming and assault axes we're all DOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!

LUTZ, Fla. - A 22-year-old Florida man was arrested after Pasco County deputies say he went to a CVS, stripped naked and then laid on several dog beds, reports CBS affiliate WTSP.

Deputies say Jeremiah Patterson, 22, of Odessa, was at the store Tuesday when he took the beds to the bathroom and went to sleep on top of them.

He's facing lewd or lascivious charges, according to the Bradenton Herald.

He was also charged with theft because the store couldn't sell the dog beds after that, according to the station.

This happened about 5 minutes from my house.


Dad throws this 5 year old daughter off a bridge. She was alive. She survived for a little while.

http://www.tampabay.com/news/publics...father/2213057

ST. PETERSBURG — Investigators said Friday that 5-year-old Phoebe Jonchuck was alive when her father dropped her 62 feet from a bridge and into Tampa Bay, killing her early Thursday in a crime that stunned the region.




Authorities also called on the public and local clergy to help them reconstruct the week before John Jonchuck Jr. took his daughter to the bridge.
Jonchuck, 25, of Tampa, is accused of first-degree murder in the death of his daughter, Phoebe. An off-duty St. Petersburg police officer saw Jonchuck drop Phoebe from the Dick Misener Bridge, on the southbound approach to the Sunshine Skyway, about 12:09 a.m. Thursday.
Phoebe plummeted 62 feet into the cold, dark waters of Tampa Bay. The officer said he thought he heard her scream and tried unsuccessfully to spot her in the water. Initially, investigators said they were not sure whether she was alive when Jonchuck dropped her.
Rescuers later recovered her body a mile away, and Manatee sheriff's deputies arrested Jonchuck after he fled.
Detectives think Jonchuck may have spoken to members of the local clergy in the days before his daughter's death, according to St. Petersburg police. A former roommate and his lawyer said Jonchuck had ranted to them about God and the Bible this week.
About 11 a.m. Wednesday, Genevieve Torres, who Jonchuck recently hired to represent him in a paternity lawsuit, called 911 because she was concerned about his mental state.
"He's out of his mind, and he has a minor child with him driving to the church now," Torres tearfully told a dispatcher, according to a recording of the call released Thursday.
After leaving the law office, Jonchuck drove to St. Paul's Catholic Church on Dale Mabry Highway, where he met with the Rev. Bill Swengros, the parish's head pastor, to ask about joining the church. At the same time, deputies arrived to assess Jonchuck's well-being.
They spoke with Swengros, who said that Jonchuck had made some odd statements, but nothing to indicate that he might be a danger to himself or others, according to a sheriff's report. He said he often sees people who come into the church seeking advice.
Swengros could not be reached Friday. A parish manager declined to comment.
Deputies determined Jonchuck was healthy, not a threat, and that Phoebe appeared happy, according to the sheriff's report.
Now investigators are trying to piece together what happened between then and midnight, when St. Petersburg police officer William Vickers saw Jonchuck atop the Misener Bridge.
They asked that anyone who may have seen Jonchuck, Phoebe or the PT Cruiser Wednesday afternoon or evening call Detective Kenneth Miller at (727) 892-5916 or text "SPPD" and the information to TIP411.
Authorities also announced Friday that they finished a search of Jonchuck's vehicle and recovered a pink booster seat, cell phone and "religious items." They released a video from a tollbooth near the Misener that shows Jonchuck driving through not long after police say he dropped his daughter into the bay.
Vickers is not available for interviews because he is the primary witness to the murder, investigators said.
Records show that authorities had numerous interactions with Jonchuck in recent years, including a few times in the last two weeks.
At 2:30 a.m. Dec. 30, Tampa police pulled over Jonchuck's PT Cruiser near Highland Avenue and Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard. Officers smelled marijuana in the car, but found nothing, said police spokeswoman Andrea Davis. An unidentifies male passenger was described as being drunk and belligerent.
Officers gave Jonchuck two citations for not carrying a driver's license or proof of insurance, court records show. No report was made.

That guy has conceivably four first names. John Jonchuck Jr.

They should have driven to the Sunshine Skyway and forces his ass over from the center of the span at gun point.

Florida is what happens when you get a bunch of people from New York and New Jersey in one area where it's hot as **** in the summer.

OMG.

That shit makes me sick to my stomach

Another case where he should of been killed while being arrested and saved the money for a trial and housing for the rest of his life.

Rumor is that he killed his daughter to punish the wife. He has a history of mental illness and been admitted before. This ****er better not get off easy.

Wish that cop would have filled him with holes before he threw her, that poor little girl.