Do they shove a bottle up your ass too? Asking for a friend

Only if I have been naughty.



Wait, what?!

PENSACOLA, Fla. — A man who tried to shoot seven puppies was shot himself when one of the dogs put its paw on the revolver’s trigger.

Jerry Allen Bradford, 37, was being treated at a hospital for a gunshot wound to his wrist.

Bradford said he decided to shoot the 3-month-old shepherd-mix dogs in the head because he couldn’t find them a home, according to the sheriff’s office.

On Monday, Bradford was holding two puppies — one in his arms and another in his left hand — when the dog in his hand wiggled and put its paw on the trigger of the .38-caliber revolver. The gun then discharged, the sheriff’s report said.

Deputies found three of the puppies in a shallow grave outside Bradford’s home, said sheriff’s Sgt. Ted Roy.

The other four appeared to be in good health and were taken by Escambia County Animal Control, which planned to make them available for adoption.

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/5950304/ns.../#.VgLo9ntNDfI

Couple arrested for abusing elderly Mom

http://www.fox13news.com/news/local-news/32831025-story


She's quite the looker!

http://thesmokinggun.com/buster/flor...defiler-657903

A Florida man today took a stuffed animal off a Walmart shelf and then used the toy to masturbate before returning the ejaculate-covered item to a store shelf, police report.

The repulsive episode occurred around 3 PM at a Walmart in Brooksville, a city 50 miles north of Tampa.

According to a police report, Sean Johnson, 19, “selected a brown, tan, and red stuffed horse from the clearance shelf in the garden department.” He then went to the comforter aisle in the housewares section, “proceeded to pull out his genitals,” and “proceeded to hump the stuffed horse utilizing short fast movements.” The lewd act was captured by surveillance cameras.
After Johnson “achieved an orgasm and ejaculated on the stuffed horse’s chest area,” he placed the “soiled stuffed horse on top of a bed in a bag (comforter set) contaminating that property also.”

While Johnson fled the store before he could be apprehended by Walmart security, he was subsequently arrested by Brooksville Police Department officers. In a written statement, Johnson admitted that, “I did unmentionables to a stuffed animal.” Noting that he committed a “horrible act,” Johnson added, “I need to think before what I do. I’m extremely sorry.”

Johnson, seen in the above mug shot, was charged with indecent exposure and criminal mischief and booked into the Hernando County jail. He was released from custody at 9:45 tonight after posting $1500 bond.

The Walmart merchandise that came into contact with the reshelved stuffed animal was deemed contaminated and not suitable for sale.

What the...? She must be getting ready for Movember.

God dammit! I shop at that ****ing store

There was no sign that said I couldn't do that. Total bullshit.

Yo mama so ugly she didn't grow a beard she grew an ugly muffler.

Florida Uber driver arrested for exchanging ride in his vehicle for oral sex:police
 

An Uber driver was arrested in Florida after receiving oral sex from a woman in exchange for a ride.

Jason Lynch, 42, was spotted picking up a female passenger in a St. Petersburg area “known for prostitution activity,” police said.

And when cops swooped in on the car in a parking lot, he was spotted “receiving oral sex in his vehicle” from Elizabeth Santos, 41.

Lynch had his penis exposed in “full view of the public,” says the police report, according to The Smoking Gun.

When he was arrested, Lynch admitted that he asked Santos how she intended to pay for the journey, before agreeing to “exchange a ride in his vehicle for oral sex.”

Uber driver Lynch told cops that he had agreed to exchange a ride in his car for oral sex, according to the police report.
Both driver and passenger were arrested on prostitution and lewd and lascivious behavior counts.

Lynch was released from custody late Wednesday after posting $500 bond.

Santos, who was found guilty of prostitution in 2013, was charged with a felony for allegedly servicing Lynch.

She remains in jail and is being held in lieu of a $5,250 bond.

http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopo...1.jpg?enlarged

http://www.wtsp.com/story/news/crime...-sex/75646104/

A man has been arrested after accidentally shooting a woman in the head while they were engaged in sexual activity.

Just before 2 a.m. on November 7, Tampa Police responded to a 911 call from Tyrone Fields*who said he shot Christina Meagher in the head at the Regency Inn and Suites on Church Avenue.

When police arrived they were met by Fields*and saw Meagher*on the bed with a gunshot wound to her head. She was transported to St. Joseph's Hospital where she later died from her injuries.

Fields admitted to shooting the victim but said it had been during "freaky sex" with Meagher and that he had only know her for two days. He says they were involved in a role-play scenario in which he put a gun to her head.

Fields said he removed the magazine from his handgun but forgot to remove the bullet from the chamber so when he intentionally pulled the trigger as part of the role-play, he fired a single round into the her head.

Motel surveillance video shows Fields and Meagher both*entering the motel room consensually. Also, sexual battery examination results appear to be negative for any injury consistent with sexual battery.

"Hello 911? Bring me some chicken wings and cigarettes...I'm too drunk to drive."

http://www.fox9.com/news/48361578-story

CLERMONT, Fla. (WOFL FOX 35) - Lake County deputies on Wednesday arrested a Clermont woman for improperly calling 911, wanting cigarettes and chicken wings. Deputies responded to an apartment complex after the Sheriff's Office received a 911 call from a woman who stated she would pass out if she didn't get the chicken wings and cigarettes.

The caller, 45-year-old Liann Watson, told responding deputies she had been drinking and was unable to drive. She said she decided she would call 911 to ask someone to bring her chicken wings and cigarettes. Watson was arrested for misuse of the 911 System.

I've always been amazed at how people this stupid make it through life and get this far roaming free. :hmmm:

Woman Battered Beau Over Sex Position Dispute

NOVEMBER 16--Meet Wendy Luper.

The 45-year-old Florida woman was arrested Saturday evening following an bizarre series of events that began with a trip to a storage unit with her ex-husband (with whom Luper has recently reunited).

According to cops, Luper and Michael Vaccaro--who were married for 12 years--drove together to retrieve some of his belongings from their storage unit in Bradenton.

While parked in the rear of the facility, “Luper got undressed, and asked Vaccaro if he wanted to have sexual intercourse,” police reported. “Vaccaro agreed, and told Luper to lay down.”

But Luper, a court filing notes, “did not want to have sexual intercourse in that position and stated no.” It is unclear where the pair was planning to tryst, or the position that was rejected by Luper

During a subsequent argument, Luper allegedly struck Vaccaro in the head with a thrown object. As Vaccaro sought to remove some of his belongings from the car’s rear seat, Luper allegedly accelerated the auto “with Vaccaro still half way inside the vehicle.” As Vaccaro “pulled out of the vehicle,” Luper drove over his right foot.

When cops arrived at the scene, Vaccaro was bleeding from a head wound and his right foot appeared to be swelling. After being contacted by police, Luper returned to the vicinity of the storage facility. “She was unable to explain” Vaccaro’s injuries, noted police, who added that she “stated Vaccaro wanted to have sex with her.”

Seen above, Luper, who works as a housekeeper, was arrested for domestic battery. She was booked into jail on the misdemeanor charge and released from custody yesterday after posting $750 bond.

Luper was busted in August for domestic battery after she allegedly punched Vaccaro in the face, neck, and arm after he ignored her request to do laundry. Prosecutors subsequently declined to pursue the misdemeanor charge against Luper.