Quote:
Originally Posted by Easy 6
(Post 17518274)
Well you can just eat shit, pinko
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There is one Gunsmoke episode I'd like to see:
Unknown gunman takes aim at Marshal Matt Dillon from a distance, but misses. A few days later, Dillon is late for an appointment at Miss Kitty's saloon and again is targeted while tying up his horse. This time, Dillon pulls his six-shooter from his holster, runs into the middle of the street, and screams, "Face me like a real man, you coward!"
Shamed by his lack of manhood, the assassin slinks away rather than peppering the fool with every bullet in his rifle's magazine.
Festus and Marshal Dillon then interrogate every unemployed gunslinger, cattle rustler, and horsethief near Dodge City, but still can't find the villain. Unbeknownst to Dillon and his loyal Deputy, the assassin is instead a criminal defense lawyer who came to Dodge City soon after graduating from Harvard Law, figuring there was a crying need for his skills in Dodge City after coming across records of the body count produced by US Marshals in Kansas Territory. Unfortunately, said lawyer is now destitute, becauce Mashal Dillon tends to shoot all of the lawyer's prospective clients before he can collect on their legal bills. In a desperate attempt to stave of starvation, the lawyer decides Marshal Dillon must go.
Dillon discovers the lawyer's nefarious scheme when Doc Adams gets into a poker game with the lawyer, and the drunk fool tells Doc about his plan because he's overwhelmed by delusional ecstacy at discorering someone in Dodge with an IQ over 60. Marshal Dillon, realizing the fancy-pants eastern lawyer wouldn't have a chance in a showdown, instead agrees to resolve the matter in a spelling bee held at High Noon.
Despite an all night cram session using an Oxford English Dictionary passed down to Festus because he's the "smart one" in the family, Dillon loses the spelling bee when he adds a "u" to "color" and must leave Dodge City.
On the day of Dillon's scheduled departure, all the girls at the Long Branch wear black mourning dresses because they're distraught that they might have to actually have sex with the dung-smeared cowpokes that populate Dodge. They're been ecstatic that they haven't had to "put out" for over a decade since Marshal Dillon has single-handedly filled the brothel's appointment book in a desperate attempt to prevent anyone from finding out about his Erectile Dysfunction.
Fortunately for Miss Kitty and her girls, Festus has been appointed as US circuit judge. WHen the ecstatic lawyer then comes into court with an exquisitely-researched trial brief that cites 800 years of English criminal law precedents, Festus shouts, "Stop wasting everyone's time with useless book larning!", pulls his gun, and shoots the criminal defense lawyer dead for contempt of court (due to filing a brief Festus can't read).
With the persnicketly legal eagle now out of the way, Matt Dillon can now return to Dodge City to enforce law and order like a real man---through fear, intimidation, and his skill at the quick draw.
Commercials That Are Annoying the Hell Out Of You Right Now
(https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=351593)