...

**gblowfish** · 10-04-2005, 02:38 PM

Three hilbillies are walking the fence line on the farm and come across a sow that'd been caught in the barbed wire.
First hillbilly says: "You know, I wish that Pig was Cindy Crawford..."
Second hillbilly says: "You know, I wish that Pig was Brittany Spears..."
Third hillbilly says: "You know, I wish it were dark...."

King_Chief_Fan · 10-05-2005, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gblowfish

Three hilbillies are walking the fence line on the farm and come across a sow that'd been caught in the barbed wire.
First hillbilly says: "You know, I wish that Pig was Cindy Crawford..."
Second hillbilly says: "You know, I wish that Pig was Brittany Spears..."
Third hillbilly says: "You know, I wish it were dark...."

can you substitute Denver fans in place of hillbillies?

Frankie · 10-05-2005, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by King_Chief_Fan

can you substitute Denver fans in place of hillbillies?

ROYC75 · 10-04-2005, 02:44 PM

This blonde calls the fire department, says here house is on fire, come quick. All excited, she hangs up the phone. A few minutes go by, no sirens, she calls back, quick come now, my house is on fire, hurry..... about to hang up again the fire dispatcher said , Lady, Lady, How do we get to your house ? The blonde replied, " Duh, the big red truck ".

Frankie · 10-04-2005, 02:53 PM

This blonde was taken to the emergency room with severe burns on both sides of her face. When asked how this happened, she said:

"Well I was ironing. The phone rang and I got confused and picked up the iron instead of the receiver."

"Well," asks the doctor, "this explains one side of your face. How about the other side?"

"I had to call the hospital, didn't I?""

ROYC75 · 10-04-2005, 03:02 PM

Little Johnny was in class one day and the teacher was having the kids write somrthing on the blackboard that scares them. She waited till Johnny was last because he always disrupted the class. Johnny takes his turn last, walks up and puts a period mark on the blackboard. The teacher asks him how that scares him. Johnny says it doesn't, but it scare the hell out of my sister.

Frankie · 10-04-2005, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ROYC75

Little Johnny was in class one day and the teacher was having the kids write somrthing on the blackboard that scares them. She waited till Johnny was last because he always disrupted the class. Johnny takes his turn last, walks up and puts a period mark on the blackboard. The teacher asks him how that scares him. Johnny says it doesn't, but it scare the hell out of my sister.

Ah!! Period..... I get it,... I guess.

**Lzen** · 10-04-2005, 03:34 PM

Skip will like this one.

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing and hunting a lot and drank beer whenever he wanted.

THE END

onescrewleftuntwisted · 10-04-2005, 04:17 PM

A blonde crossing the road gets hit by a truck. The truck driver jumps out to check on her.

“Are you all right?” he asks.

“Everything is just a blur,” says the blonde as she’s lying in the street.

The man holds his hand in front of her face and asks, “How many fingers have I got up?”

“Oh, no!” she yells. “Don’t tell me I’m paralyzed from the waist down too!”

onescrewleftuntwisted · 10-04-2005, 04:18 PM

A guy applies for a job at an investment firm and has to take a medical exam. The doctor sees the guy has no testicles and is hesitant to pass him. The guy pleads with the doctor and his potential boss, promising it won’t affect his job performance.

“OK,” says the boss, “but don’t come to work until 9:30 AM.”

“Why?” asks the guy. “Everyone else starts at 8:30.”

“Yeah, but in the morning they just stand around for an hour scratching their balls.”

onescrewleftuntwisted · 10-04-2005, 04:19 PM

To Diet For

A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?"

"Ten pounds," he replies.

"We’ll have a representative over in the morning," says the operator.

About 9 a.m., there’s a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.”

The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He’s lost 10 pounds!

That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 20 pounds."

"We’ll send someone over."

The next morning, he’s greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.” The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he’s lost 20 pounds!

That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds!"

"Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "That’s an awful lot."

The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!"

About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads “If I catch you…”

Edubs · 10-20-2005, 08:32 AM

Billy Bob and Billy Joe were sitting on Billy Bob's front porch and Billy Joe said "I am bored, let's play a game."
Billy Bob said "Ok, I am going to think of something and you guess what I am thinking about."
Billy Bob took about two seconds and decided on Donkey Dick.
Billy Bob said "Ok, I am ready."
Billy Joe said "Is it Donkey Dick?"

Fishpicker · 10-05-2005, 12:36 AM

whats the difference between a woman and a washing machine?

you can dump a load into a washing machine for $1.25

Frankie · 10-05-2005, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fishpicker

whats the difference between a woman and a washing machine?

you can dump a load into a washing machine for $1.25

Definition of "CLEAN JOKE:" A joke that can be told in front of grandma and her friends. Please adhere to that policy for this thread. There are other threads for the risque jokes. "Friday goof off post," for example (http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...1&goto=newpost).

NOW, BACK TO YOUR ORIGINALLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM.

10-04-2005, 02:38 PM	#2
gblowfish Be Kind To Your Pets gblowfish's Avatar Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Glorious Independence, MO	Three hilbillies are walking the fence line on the farm and come across a sow that'd been caught in the barbed wire. First hillbilly says: "You know, I wish that Pig was Cindy Crawford..." Second hillbilly says: "You know, I wish that Pig was Brittany Spears..." Third hillbilly says: "You know, I wish it were dark...."
Posts: 40,843

10-04-2005, 02:44 PM	#5
ROYC75 Time For Your Wake Up Call !!! ROYC75's Avatar Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Barn Yard	This blonde calls the fire department, says here house is on fire, come quick. All excited, she hangs up the phone. A few minutes go by, no sirens, she calls back, quick come now, my house is on fire, hurry..... about to hang up again the fire dispatcher said , Lady, Lady, How do we get to your house ? The blonde replied, " Duh, the big red truck ".
Posts: 37,003

10-04-2005, 02:53 PM	#6
Frankie Banned Frankie's Avatar Join Date: Jul 2001	This blonde was taken to the emergency room with severe burns on both sides of her face. When asked how this happened, she said: "Well I was ironing. The phone rang and I got confused and picked up the iron instead of the receiver." "Well," asks the doctor, "this explains one side of your face. How about the other side?" "I had to call the hospital, didn't I?""
Posts: 26,959

10-04-2005, 03:02 PM	#7
ROYC75 Time For Your Wake Up Call !!! ROYC75's Avatar Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Barn Yard	Little Johnny was in class one day and the teacher was having the kids write somrthing on the blackboard that scares them. She waited till Johnny was last because he always disrupted the class. Johnny takes his turn last, walks up and puts a period mark on the blackboard. The teacher asks him how that scares him. Johnny says it doesn't, but it scare the hell out of my sister.
Posts: 37,003

10-04-2005, 03:34 PM	#9
Lzen Supporter Lzen's Avatar Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Jan Quadrant Vincent 16	Skip will like this one. Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing and hunting a lot and drank beer whenever he wanted. THE END
Posts: 41,408

10-04-2005, 04:17 PM	#10
onescrewleftuntwisted if only i had a hammer onescrewleftuntwisted's Avatar Join Date: May 2005 Location: your momma didn't say	A blonde crossing the road gets hit by a truck. The truck driver jumps out to check on her. “Are you all right?” he asks. “Everything is just a blur,” says the blonde as she’s lying in the street. The man holds his hand in front of her face and asks, “How many fingers have I got up?” “Oh, no!” she yells. “Don’t tell me I’m paralyzed from the waist down too!”
Posts: 1,090

10-04-2005, 04:18 PM	#11
onescrewleftuntwisted if only i had a hammer onescrewleftuntwisted's Avatar Join Date: May 2005 Location: your momma didn't say	A guy applies for a job at an investment firm and has to take a medical exam. The doctor sees the guy has no testicles and is hesitant to pass him. The guy pleads with the doctor and his potential boss, promising it won’t affect his job performance. “OK,” says the boss, “but don’t come to work until 9:30 AM.” “Why?” asks the guy. “Everyone else starts at 8:30.” “Yeah, but in the morning they just stand around for an hour scratching their balls.”
Posts: 1,090

10-04-2005, 04:19 PM	#12
onescrewleftuntwisted if only i had a hammer onescrewleftuntwisted's Avatar Join Date: May 2005 Location: your momma didn't say	To Diet For A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?" "Ten pounds," he replies. "We’ll have a representative over in the morning," says the operator. About 9 a.m., there’s a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.” The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He’s lost 10 pounds! That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 20 pounds." "We’ll send someone over." The next morning, he’s greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.” The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he’s lost 20 pounds! That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds!" "Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "That’s an awful lot." The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!" About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads “If I catch you…”
Posts: 1,090

10-20-2005, 08:32 AM	#13
Edubs Say what? Edubs's Avatar Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Shaaaaaawnee	Billy Bob and Billy Joe were sitting on Billy Bob's front porch and Billy Joe said "I am bored, let's play a game." Billy Bob said "Ok, I am going to think of something and you guess what I am thinking about." Billy Bob took about two seconds and decided on Donkey Dick. Billy Bob said "Ok, I am ready." Billy Joe said "Is it Donkey Dick?"
Posts: 391

10-05-2005, 12:36 AM	#14
Fishpicker On one quarter Fishpicker's Avatar Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: I play all day	whats the difference between a woman and a washing machine? you can dump a load into a washing machine for $1.25
Posts: 6,128