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Old 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2002
I'm on a mission to shit

Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
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Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-20-2014, 03:01 PM   #286
salame salame is offline
Under the Sofa
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
taco bell usually does it for me
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Old 05-20-2014, 03:22 PM   #287
GordonGekko GordonGekko is offline
On the inside
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: San Antonio, TX
Quote:
Originally Posted by salame View Post
taco bell usually does it for me
Taco Bell is easily the cheapest enima you can buy. A couple $.89 burritos and you will be dropping napalm in under 30 mins.
Posts: 3,080
GordonGekko Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.GordonGekko Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.GordonGekko Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.GordonGekko Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.GordonGekko Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.GordonGekko Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.GordonGekko Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.GordonGekko Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.GordonGekko Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.GordonGekko Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.GordonGekko Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.
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Old 05-20-2014, 04:01 PM   #288
Rams Fan Rams Fan is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
This was again explosive, wet and a powerful shock to my recently evacuated bowels. The formation resembled the Philippines.
This is the first post I've laughed at on CP in a long time.
Posts: 13,800
Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.
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Old 05-20-2014, 04:05 PM   #289
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rams Fan View Post
This is the first post I've laughed at on CP in a long time.
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Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-20-2014, 04:06 PM   #290
Rams Fan Rams Fan is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
How are you not dehydrated?
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Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.
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Old 05-20-2014, 04:08 PM   #291
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rams Fan View Post
How are you not dehydrated?
I'm very dehydrated.
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Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-20-2014, 04:12 PM   #292
Rams Fan Rams Fan is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
I'm very dehydrated.
You need to drink quite a large amount of water then. You need to be pissing colorless urine to go along with your cataclysmic shits.
Posts: 13,800
Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.Rams Fan is too fat/Omaha.
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Old 05-20-2014, 04:15 PM   #293
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
Single Malt CP, Aged 18 Years
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Chiefsplanet
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
I'm very dehydrated.
You need to drink lots of water. Dehydration + pain killers = big problems.
Posts: 66,878
htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-20-2014, 04:16 PM   #294
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
You need to drink lots of water. Dehydration + pain killers = big problems.
I've been drinking all day. Just had some pedialyte actually.
Posts: 201,114
Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-20-2014, 04:18 PM   #295
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
Single Malt CP, Aged 18 Years
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Chiefsplanet
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
I've been drinking all day. Just had some pedialyte actually.
That's good.
Posts: 66,878
htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-20-2014, 04:21 PM   #296
TribalElder TribalElder is offline
Arrowhead Trail of Tears
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: KansasCity
The mathematician worked it out using a #2 pencil

http://ratemypoo.com
Posts: 19,753
TribalElder is obviously part of the inner Circle.TribalElder is obviously part of the inner Circle.TribalElder is obviously part of the inner Circle.TribalElder is obviously part of the inner Circle.TribalElder is obviously part of the inner Circle.TribalElder is obviously part of the inner Circle.TribalElder is obviously part of the inner Circle.TribalElder is obviously part of the inner Circle.TribalElder is obviously part of the inner Circle.TribalElder is obviously part of the inner Circle.TribalElder is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-20-2014, 04:28 PM   #297
bevischief bevischief is offline
....
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere Kansas
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
Afternoon update: Almost entirely without warning, a fecal slurry ejects itself from my rectum. I now must treat every quiver of my lower intestine as a possible warning sign of explosive diarrhea. Htismaqe officially added to my list of "People to Kill."

Side note: I haven't shat thrice in one day in a long time.
Posts: 26,774
bevischief is obviously part of the inner Circle.bevischief is obviously part of the inner Circle.bevischief is obviously part of the inner Circle.bevischief is obviously part of the inner Circle.bevischief is obviously part of the inner Circle.bevischief is obviously part of the inner Circle.bevischief is obviously part of the inner Circle.bevischief is obviously part of the inner Circle.bevischief is obviously part of the inner Circle.bevischief is obviously part of the inner Circle.bevischief is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-20-2014, 06:34 PM   #298
jerryforeverrice80 jerryforeverrice80 is offline
Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
im suprise he was bond up with all the crap that comes out his mouth.
Posts: 645
jerryforeverrice80 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.jerryforeverrice80 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.jerryforeverrice80 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.jerryforeverrice80 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.jerryforeverrice80 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.jerryforeverrice80 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.jerryforeverrice80 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.jerryforeverrice80 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.jerryforeverrice80 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.jerryforeverrice80 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.jerryforeverrice80 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.
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Old 05-20-2014, 06:40 PM   #299
LoneWolf LoneWolf is online now
BAMF
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Wichita
Quote:
Originally Posted by TribalElder View Post
The mathematician worked it out using a #2 pencil

http://ratemypoo.com
I don't even want to know how you found that site you sick ****, but i laughed my ass off. Go to the staff favorites and check out The Torcher.
Posts: 11,217
LoneWolf is obviously part of the inner Circle.LoneWolf is obviously part of the inner Circle.LoneWolf is obviously part of the inner Circle.LoneWolf is obviously part of the inner Circle.LoneWolf is obviously part of the inner Circle.LoneWolf is obviously part of the inner Circle.LoneWolf is obviously part of the inner Circle.LoneWolf is obviously part of the inner Circle.LoneWolf is obviously part of the inner Circle.LoneWolf is obviously part of the inner Circle.LoneWolf is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-20-2014, 09:09 PM   #300
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
checkUP
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Just ate bean soup. My guts are gurglin' and quiverin' like a virgin on prom night.
Posts: 201,114
Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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