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Old 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM   Topic Starter
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
I'll be back.
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
I'm on a mission to shit

Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:50 AM   #2
Why Not? Why Not? is offline
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Sounds crappy
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:50 AM   #3
BlackHelicopters BlackHelicopters is offline
Spiraling down the Drain
 
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #4
tooge tooge is offline
MVP
 
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may the shartz be with you
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #5
booger booger is offline
Don't Tug on Superman's Cape
 
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Gonna have to try a plunger
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #6
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
NFL's #1 Ermines Fan
 
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Location: My house
You should check to be sure that they didn't accidentally sew your rectum shut.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:57 AM   #7
booger booger is offline
Don't Tug on Superman's Cape
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: clear out in the sticks
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
You should check to be sure that they didn't accidentally sew your rectum shut.
He's gonna need a c section. It's gotta be breach by now
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #8
Dartgod Dartgod is offline
Wasted away again...
 
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Everyone knows you're full of shit.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:52 AM   #9
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
'Tis my eye!
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Chiefsplanet
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

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Old 05-19-2014, 11:53 AM   #10
BryanBusby BryanBusby is offline
In Search of a Life
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Taco Bell

It has me shitting in no time.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:55 AM   #11
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
I'll be back.
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

PREPARE FOR BATTLE
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Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-19-2014, 01:56 PM   #12
Fire Me Boy! Fire Me Boy! is offline
Cast Iron Jedi
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

Yep.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
PREPARE FOR BATTLE
PREPARE TO LOSE.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:58 AM   #13
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
Tossed Salad & Scrambled Eggs
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: ATX & OPKS
Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

That's not going to get him into a Boardwalk Empire situation, is it?

You know, the scene where the kid spikes the other kids drink with this stuff, then the kid shits blood and dies?
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:05 PM   #14
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
'Tis my eye!
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Chiefsplanet
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante84 View Post
That's not going to get him into a Boardwalk Empire situation, is it?

You know, the scene where the kid spikes the other kids drink with this stuff, then the kid shits blood and dies?
Good God no.

It's a saline laxative. All it does is draw water into the bowel. If you drank more than the recommended dosage it can cause other issues but perforation of the intestine certainly isn't one of them.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:52 AM   #15
Reerun_KC Reerun_KC is offline
Rock Chalk Jayhawks! KU!!!
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Ask your boyfriend for help. Seriously surprised this would be an issue for you.
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