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Old 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
I'll be back.
 
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I'm on a mission to shit
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:50 AM   #2
Why Not? Why Not? is offline
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:50 AM   #3
BlackHelicopters BlackHelicopters is offline
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #4
tooge tooge is offline
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may the shartz be with you
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #5
booger booger is offline
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #6
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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You should check to be sure that they didn't accidentally sew your rectum shut.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #7
Dartgod Dartgod is offline
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:52 AM   #8
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:52 AM   #9
Reerun_KC Reerun_KC is offline
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Ask your boyfriend for help. Seriously surprised this would be an issue for you.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:53 AM   #10
BryanBusby BryanBusby is offline
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Taco Bell

It has me shitting in no time.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:55 AM   #11
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
I'll be back.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.
PREPARE FOR BATTLE
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:56 AM   #12
RippedmyFlesh RippedmyFlesh is offline
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Horrible feeling been there. Believe it or not an ER Dr recommended blueberry muffin from local chain. They were huge but did the job and tasted great. Do you drink coffee? Coffee and muffin is a sound play without bad side affects. For some reason Dr's are always less worried about this than patients.
Last edited by RippedmyFlesh; 05-19-2014 at 12:00 PM.. Reason: extra word
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:56 AM   #13
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
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I wonder if your system will back up, and you'll shit out your mouth?
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:57 AM   #14
booger booger is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
You should check to be sure that they didn't accidentally sew your rectum shut.
He's gonna need a c section. It's gotta be breach by now
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booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:58 AM   #15
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.
That's not going to get him into a Boardwalk Empire situation, is it?

You know, the scene where the kid spikes the other kids drink with this stuff, then the kid shits blood and dies?
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