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Old 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
you seem nice
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
I'm on a mission to shit

Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:50 AM   #2
Why Not? Why Not? is offline
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Location: Arizona
Sounds crappy
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Why Not? has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Why Not? has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Why Not? has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Why Not? has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Why Not? has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Why Not? has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Why Not? has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Why Not? has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Why Not? has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Why Not? has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Why Not? has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:50 AM   #3
BlackHelicopters BlackHelicopters is offline
Spiraling down the Drain
 
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Location: Dante's Ninth Circle
Prayers sent.
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BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #4
tooge tooge is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Liberty, MO
may the shartz be with you
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #5
booger booger is offline
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Location: clear out in the sticks
Gonna have to try a plunger
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #6
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
NFL's #1 Ermines Fan
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: My house
You should check to be sure that they didn't accidentally sew your rectum shut.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #7
Dartgod Dartgod is offline
Wasted away again...
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: in Margaritaville
Everyone knows you're full of shit.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:52 AM   #8
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
Single Malt CP, Aged 18 Years
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Chiefsplanet
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

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Old 05-19-2014, 11:52 AM   #9
Reerun_KC Reerun_KC is offline
Rock Chalk Jayhawks! KU!!!
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Ask your boyfriend for help. Seriously surprised this would be an issue for you.
Posts: 62,758
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:53 AM   #10
BryanBusby BryanBusby is offline
MVP
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Taco Bell

It has me shitting in no time.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:55 AM   #11
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
you seem nice
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

PREPARE FOR BATTLE
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Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:56 AM   #12
RippedmyFlesh RippedmyFlesh is offline
Veteran
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York
Horrible feeling been there. Believe it or not an ER Dr recommended blueberry muffin from local chain. They were huge but did the job and tasted great. Do you drink coffee? Coffee and muffin is a sound play without bad side affects. For some reason Dr's are always less worried about this than patients.

Last edited by RippedmyFlesh; 05-19-2014 at 12:00 PM.. Reason: extra word
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:56 AM   #13
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
Tossed Salad & Scrambled Eggs
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: ATX & OPKS
I wonder if your system will back up, and you'll shit out your mouth?
Posts: 12,715
Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:57 AM   #14
booger booger is offline
MVP
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: clear out in the sticks
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
You should check to be sure that they didn't accidentally sew your rectum shut.
He's gonna need a c section. It's gotta be breach by now
Posts: 11,417
booger threw an interception on a screen pass.booger threw an interception on a screen pass.booger threw an interception on a screen pass.booger threw an interception on a screen pass.booger threw an interception on a screen pass.booger threw an interception on a screen pass.booger threw an interception on a screen pass.booger threw an interception on a screen pass.booger threw an interception on a screen pass.booger threw an interception on a screen pass.booger threw an interception on a screen pass.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:58 AM   #15
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
Tossed Salad & Scrambled Eggs
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: ATX & OPKS
Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

That's not going to get him into a Boardwalk Empire situation, is it?

You know, the scene where the kid spikes the other kids drink with this stuff, then the kid shits blood and dies?
Posts: 12,715
Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Dante84 has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.
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