A Truly Sh*tty Experience

I am a graduate student in a small college town. As many of you know, college towns are notorious for their shitty housing. Most of the residences in town are run down, and the somewhat nice ones are generally priced as though they are on the upper west side of Manhattan. What makes things worse are the endless petty ordinances that landlords often put up in order to discourage prospective renters, or make their lives a living hell.

I am not particularly good with authority. If I was a professional athlete, I’d probably be a locker room cancer because I hate having people tell me what to do, especially when I don’t think they are as capable as I am in a given task. I’m an elitist and a dickhead, in short, but sometimes it’s entertaining.

My current neighbors are trifling bitches. Despite the fact that there is a newly paved sidewalk that leads directly to the asphalt pad on which their cars are parked, for some reason they feel the need to traipse through the grass in order to travel the unbearable 30 foot distance. Perhaps that’s because after seeing one of them for the first time, my mom said, “you could serve dinner on that girl’s ass.”—after all it must be stressful.

Of course, these girls have to be in a sorority, because all overweight annoying girls whose parents pay their way are always in a sorority. It’s one of the axioms of the universe, right up their with the constant of the speed of light. These ‘sorostitutes’ always seem to have a sense of entitlement somewhere north of Maurice Clarett. It makes living next to them, well a pain in the ass. It’s ok when they are up til 4 am playing music over their very shitty speakers (I could tolerate it if it weren’t for the suck ass sound coming from their goddamn shelf system piece of monkey shit), but yet it’s inconvenient for them to not walk on the sidewalk because they don’t want to walk in my dog’s poop, as if dog shit is somehow hard to locate. You’d think that girls who spend the majority of their post-secondary education on their knees would at least have a passing familiarity with the ground. Nevertheless, I have always committed a cardinal sin whenever they happen to step in poop. Big deal I figure, after all, it’s only dog shit—wipe it off in the grass you love to walk in so much, and go blow some guy with a popped collar.

I love irony. For example, these girls are so scandalized by the excretion of an animal that eats a diet far healthier than nearly all people do, yet they willingly swallow the ejaculate of men they don’t even know. Alas, I am not the king of the universe, so perhaps I shouldn’t judge. Well, as bitches are wont to do, they bitched, complaining to our landlords numerous times about the piles of poop in the yard. I complied for the most part and picked them up whenever the incessant complaining would get unbearable, but after winter break I said to myself, “**** it,” and didn’t pick up a piece of crap for about six weeks. I was fortunate that a layer of snow concealed the shit for the most part, but now unseasonable weather has melted the snow off, exposing, well…a shitload of shit.

I got a letter from my landlord today informing me that if I did not pick up the poop today that I would be forced to move my dog out. Well **** that I thought to myself. I considered various forms of retribution, but in the end figured what the hell and picked all the shit up. I now have a 30 gallon trash bag filled with at least 25 pounds of dog poop in it (6 weeks of poop for a 60 pound dog is a lot of shit). Thus I have complied with the wishes of my landlord, but now I have all this shit that is just itching for me to do something with it. Perhaps I could make a shit airbag, like in “Men at Work”, or find a way to put it all in the trunks of the whores next door. Then again, I guess I could just light it all on fire on their doorstep in a ritual of purification. Nevertheless, attached are photos of the poop, and me, with a shit eating grin holding my prize aloft.

[Valiant]

Originally Posted by chiefs4me

damn, whose the babe???

I do not see any females..

[go bo]

Originally Posted by Phobia

I don't actually find it necessary to use a formula to count to 2.

ok, i'm gonna go ahead and call this match before somebody gets hurt...

one party to this shindig is waaaay overmatched by the other...

it just ain't fair, i tells ya...

[Valiant]

Originally Posted by John Matrix

All a eugenicist would need to do in order to convince society of his aims is to take a close look at about the last 10 fucko's to post on this board. One more time for the road, as I said last night, I don't give a shit how many of Phobia's little internet buddies flame me on this message board. If this is the best shit that you guys can bring, well then you can go fuck yourself. Iowanian, it doesn't surprise me that you would bring necrophilia into this post, I'm just surprised you haven' t found away to mention bestiality as well.

The pathetic thing about all you fucks is that you are an internet clique, a clique of people whose major reason for getting up in the morning would seem to be posting on this board.

How many copies have come and gone across the last five years? What the fuck are you all still doing here after five years? The fact that your lives have devolved to the point where you spend half a decade of your adult lives as potent, active members of this board is ridiculous. The way you treat new members on this board shows your own idiocy and lack of self worth.

A dude loses his cat, so you call him a reerun. He ****s up a term of internet slang, so you mock him over that. Is that all you pathetic fucks have in your life, that you have to give sh*t to people on this board b/c they aren't part of your e-posse?

This board is entertaining for a while, but after sometime I would gather that most people get sick of putting up w/ the jackasses on the board like most of you fucks.

The sad thing about this place is that I'll probably fade away in a few weeks or months, probably come back around for the draft to get more info, but you bad motherfuckers will still be here five years later, just like you were five years before. Fading away from this board isn't a sign of giving up, rather it's probably a sign of hope. Yet most of you obviously see it as some form of grave failure for the member to meet up to your 'standards'.

Iowanian, perhaps I should bow down to a man of your obvious infinite knowledge, a man who has belonged to this board since the fucking Clinton administration. You must be so much better than me because you're a Suburban Commando with a wife he hates and kids he can't stand. You must be king of the world, what with that avatar of a flaming keyboard and all. What a true badass.

If you want to take shots of me because of an intentionally goofy look I made during a photo, then that's cool, I have enough self worth that I can take it. I've seen the member photo's section of this website, most of you are charter members of the all-ugly team, so your attempts to put me down are a might like the pot and kettle, not that you are smart enough to make that analogy anyway.

I'll probably be out of here in a week, you'll still be starting sticky polls in leetspeak, eating takeout food in the ramshackles you live in. Here's a poll for you, you're all approaching middle age, your lives have no meaning and your jobs do nothing to create to the better good of society. What are you going to do about? Survey says you are going to post on a football board and try to prove how much of a badass you are by ganging up on a dude in order to protect your e-friendships. But that's cool, as I said, I can take it.

Enjoy the 9-5 grind for the rest of your lives you sad fucks...Good luck starting up those "civil unrest hurricanes" Iowanian, I'm sure it's a hell of a job you do there, bitch.

But yet you post all about this on your blog that was posted above... Aahah give me a f'ing break.. I think it would be amusing since we know the vicinity of where you live and your name if I go rub dog shit all over the cars in teh parking lot and fill the mailboxes up with it and then phone your landlord that some troglodyte came out of the complex fitting your so-called elitist ass discription and see how long you live there...

Man, this shit must turn you on.. Go back to your blog where you are king and everybody worships your ass in kirksville...

****ing D-bag...

[go bo]

Originally Posted by John Matrix

Check the original post douchebag, that's not what I typed. Do you like to add extra letters to other people's posts as much as you like to jam anal beads up your chute?

oooh, oooh...

anal beads?

[Halfcan]

Originally Posted by Fairplay

The question of the day is.............

I thought this was another joke pic-Is that really you Matrix-holding a bag of shit???

Okay that is classic. That beats the Endnelt wet pants picture. Matrix and a bag of shit.

[go bo]

Originally Posted by Metrolike

No, by maturity, you should stop stereotyping people like a ****ing reerun that you are.

Nobody thought this thread was funny, not before Phobia got in nor after. Your original post just shows how much of a dumbass you really are.

The only cyber badass on this thread is you, intraweb thuggin4life n1gga!!!oneone

One of the things you don't understand though, is that people don't want to ban you because they're afraid of putting up with such an internet badass as you, they're just tired of morons like you and the annoyances you bring. Some (like Phobia, BobDole) think your stupidity is funny, others think it's annoying. I don't give a shit either way, I'm just trying to tell you how it is.

oh man, i've got to go with funny on this one...

[go bo]

Originally Posted by Phobia

I swear SlimShady is adopted and we've just discovered Tom Cash's real son.

perhaps he's a product of an illicit affair between tom cash and duhneese...

[Halfcan]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

Well Beaker, I'll sleep just fine tonight, knowing that the last p@ssy you had your face in that wasn't paid for, involved your mother's cervix clenching your shoulders.

Beaker-lol, your best smack yet-those Alphabets must be working.

[go bo]

Originally Posted by John Matrix

All a eugenicist would need to do in order to convince society of his aims is to take a close look at about the last 10 fucko's to post on this board. One more time for the road, as I said last night, I don't give a shit how many of Phobia's little internet buddies flame me on this message board. If this is the best shit that you guys can bring, well then you can go fuck yourself. Iowanian, it doesn't surprise me that you would bring necrophilia into this post, I'm just surprised you haven' t found away to mention bestiality as well.
* * *
yadda-dadda...

oooh, bestiality...

keep it up, big boy, keep it up...

[Halfcan]

If you don't want people to make fun of you, don't post a pic of yourself holding a bag of dogshit. I mean, what did you think was going to happen dude?

[go bo]

finished so soon?

they have pills for that nowadays...

[Halfcan]

Originally Posted by go bo

finished so soon?

they have pills for that nowadays...

No probably just filling up another bag with shit for Phobs mailbox.

[stumppy]

Originally Posted by Halfcan

No probably just filling up another bag with shit for Phobs mailbox.

I hear they pay 2 cents a log nowadays.

[Halfcan]

I bet Dicksurfers cat is really in Matress's bag-Mystery solved. I just let the cat out of the bag.

Trying to make sense with you mongoloids is about as easy as trying to pry any of you away from this board for more than a day. I will say it once again, I don't give a shit what you say about me, you're all nothings, you know it and I know it. The only thing I feel sorry for in this thread is the world, not myself. I can take care of me just fine, I just wonder what this mass clusterfuck of posters on this page does for the average IQ and per capita income of the greater kansas city area. There's a reason why a lot of fans around the league think most Chiefs fans are stupid redeneck bastards, and that reason is the display you partial-birth abortions give them. I can't even imagine how much meth most of you dipshits have to cook up in order to afford your season tickets, but it's patently obvious that the fumes have gotten to most of you who couldn't follow a line of logical thought if it woke up and fucked your skank wives in their gaping gashes.

I realize that most of you are to failure what Einstein was to relativity, so if talking shit on a Chiefs board makes you feel like you have a little bit more between your legs than that 2.75 inches you're packing or a little more hope of success or meaning in your lives than the endless voids staring in front of all of you, then smile wide, because you must be very proud of yourselves.

The reality of the matter is that you're all a bunch of broke-dick clingons with about as much right to life as that bag of crap.