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Old 02-18-2005, 10:36 PM  
Fire Me Boy! Fire Me Boy! is offline
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I just walked in on a coworker...
whacking off to Internet porn AT MY DESK!

I walk into the office at 10:15 p.m., only 5 hours after we close. I'm picking up some more stuff for my day tomorrow and clocking out... I walk back to my desk, the door's closed and I think, "Hmm... the door's closed. That's weird." I open it up and there's my coworker, who frantically turns the monitor off (I didn't see what kind of porn it was) and begins zipping his fly. I didn't actually notice him zipping up till I said, "Hey, what are you still doing here?" That's when I saw him buttoning/zipping the pants...

Then he proceeds to say, "Nothing, what are you doing here?" I answer, "Just clocking out." By this time, I'm back in the hallway, so he knows I'm not standing there just looking at him. Then he asks again... I answer again. He asks again... like fucking Rainman (not you, Rainman... Dustin Hoffman's Rainman, which isn't actually Dustin Hoffman, but you know what I mean...). Then he skiddadles out of the office without saying anything (which I don't blame him for).

Now, I had been noticing over the last few months porn sites on my computer's history... I wasn't worried about being caught or anything, I'm the tech guy and I know it wasn't me. That's what I have a home computer for. I hope this little scare will convince him that he probably shouldn't do that at work anymore... but, damn... now I gotta get a new keyboard and I just got this one. Sick fucker.
Last edited by Fire Me Boy!; 02-19-2005 at 07:11 AM..
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Old 02-19-2005, 03:09 AM   #61
Demonpenz Demonpenz is offline
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i have walked into situations like this but it was at peoples houses/apt. In those cases i just was like it's their computers let them wack away, but if it is the companys time, it is not time for wackatime
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Old 02-19-2005, 07:07 AM   #62
Fire Me Boy! Fire Me Boy! is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Demonpenz
i have walked into situations like this but it was at peoples houses/apt. In those cases i just was like it's their computers let them wack away, but if it is the companys time, it is not time for wackatime
Well, I have no doubt that he was NOT on the clock, so it wasn't really "work time." I don't even really care that he was doing it at work after hours... my problem is that he was doing it at MY F-ING DESK!
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Old 02-19-2005, 07:19 AM   #63
stumppy stumppy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy!
my problem is that he was doing it at MY F-ING DESK!
Was it your F-ING desk or your JERKING desk ?


I'm begging to think Zach is right. Maybe you are the bad guy here.
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Old 02-19-2005, 07:23 AM   #64
Fairplay Fairplay is offline
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Maybe he wanted you to join him in a circle jerk.
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Old 02-19-2005, 07:55 AM   #65
Over-Head Over-Head is offline
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That is just so wrong
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Old 02-19-2005, 08:11 AM   #66
gblowfish gblowfish is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy!
HEY! Take is somewhere else... we have a bigger problem here. There's splooge on my desk! CAN'T YOU SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE?
At least the guy could bottle it for you so you could recycle it at the sperm bank. They pay big bucks for that stuff. He's let hundreds of dollars slip right thru his fingers! (one of the oldest jokes ever, btw)...
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Old 02-19-2005, 08:16 AM   #67
Fairplay Fairplay is offline
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This reminds me of a similar event that happened at my work.

A maintenance worker found some paper towels, a chair and a playboy tucked away in a room where boxs of files are stored. He told a couple of people to keep an eye to see if anyone goes in the room. Soon word got out about the jerk off bandit. And people began speculateing who it could be.

The thing about this room is it can only be accessed through another room and that is only opened by a coded lock. Only the supervisors knew the number to get in there, and maintenance. Anyway a couple workers noted a night supervisor going in that room, returning about 20 minutes later.

He later was fired. His life was a mess and he was loseing it so to speak at work.
Very erractic behavior. The guy was turning into a basket case. He was never caught in the act. But the whole thing caused lots of laughs for a few weeks.
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Old 02-19-2005, 08:48 AM   #68
mikey23545 mikey23545 is offline
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I think you have to give a lot of credit to a worker who stays late, off the clock, to finish up a job.
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Old 02-19-2005, 09:32 AM   #69
Bwana Bwana is offline
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Damn, that's just wrong. I have never had that happen to me, but I had a girl I was dating catch my roommate pumping the pooch. I was gone elk hunting and told my girfriend to go over to the house and check up on my dogs. She walked in the house and old "Scooter" was laying there on the couch naked making moaning noises, watching porn and working the ole strokestick.

She chimes in with "what are you doing?" I guess the poor bastard grabbed a blanket and covered himself up and changed the channel in about 2 seconds. You should have heard that cell message from my girlfriend when I got in cell range after leaving the mountains.
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Old 02-19-2005, 09:35 AM   #70
KCWolfman KCWolfman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZachKC
Suonds rude of you not to let him finish. You should feel like an asshole. Sen the guy a card of apology or something.
LOL
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Old 02-19-2005, 10:08 AM   #71
Fire Me Boy! Fire Me Boy! is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stumppy
Was it your F-ING desk or your JERKING desk ?


I'm begging to think Zach is right. Maybe you are the bad guy here.
That's just wrong... OK, to clear anything up: it wasn't my F-ing desk, nor was it my jerking desk. Just a desk, for neither f-ing nor jerking.
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Old 02-19-2005, 01:20 PM   #72
crossbow crossbow is offline
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No proxy server? Livin' dangerously if not. Hey if your employer is concerned about such things then its YOUR job that is at risk because you can't prove who is accessing these sites and there is a trail of them on your computer.

I sure as hell wouldn't take a bullet for some guy I happen to work with. But you may work at a small business and not have to worry about it. It is realy up to you to decide what kind of problems you may face from this.
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Old 02-19-2005, 01:22 PM   #73
RedNFeisty RedNFeisty is offline
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Old 02-19-2005, 01:27 PM   #74
Talisman Talisman is offline
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Old 02-19-2005, 01:32 PM   #75
stumppy stumppy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy!
That's just wrong... OK, to clear anything up: it wasn't my F-ing desk, nor was it my jerking desk. Just a desk, for neither f-ing nor jerking.

How do you expect a guy to do his job if you don't even provide him a proper desk to work at.

Man, it'd suck having to work with someone like you.
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