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Old 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
I'll be back.
 
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I'm on a mission to shit
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:09 PM   #31
RaiderH8r RaiderH8r is offline
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All I ask is that you do a weigh in before and after so we can truly grasp the scale of the thing.
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:09 PM   #32
ptlyon ptlyon is offline
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:09 PM   #33
booger booger is online now
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Get a shop vac. Take the suction cup of the plunger handle. Don't throw the handle away. Could come in handy to beat that bastard if it gots hair, teeth, is breathing, and/or winks at you when it comes out. Duct tape suction cup to vac hose. Crank it up and wait awhile
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:10 PM   #34
srvy srvy is offline
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This and that. Because you wont make the toilet.
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:11 PM   #35
Dayze Dayze is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
Saline laxative works just as well as is far less "intrusive".
didn’t know that.
I hope he didn’t make the entire thing up just to have an excuse for the enema.
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:11 PM   #36
RaiderH8r RaiderH8r is offline
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:13 PM   #37
Dinny Bossa Nova Dinny Bossa Nova is offline
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There's a butt plug joke in there somewhere.

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Old 05-19-2014, 12:14 PM   #38
Dayze Dayze is offline
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beads.
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:14 PM   #39
Otter Otter is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dayze View Post
enema time. my newphew years back was stopped up for like 4-5 days for whatever reason, and he had to get 'cleaned out'.
Quote:
I routinely go 2-3 days without making a deposit.
I'm sure I'm broken. lol
I just want you to know up front that when I splice the genes together to make the Chiefs QB for 2020 your familes digestive system will not be included.
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:15 PM   #40
booger booger is online now
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Quit soliciting those trannys on Craigslist man they got your shit all ****ed up
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booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:15 PM   #41
gblowfish gblowfish is offline
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So, did GoChiefs give birth yet?
Did it look like Mount Rushmore?

And more importantly, surgery for what?
Are you a woman now?
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:15 PM   #42
Dayze Dayze is offline
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:17 PM   #43
Pasta Little Brioni Pasta Little Brioni is offline
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:19 PM   #44
gblowfish gblowfish is offline
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He needs a Mega Colon Blow power shake...
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Old 05-19-2014, 12:21 PM   #45
Pepe Silvia Pepe Silvia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gblowfish View Post
He needs a Mega Colon Blow power shake...
I was thinking the same thing.
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Pepe Silvia has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.Pepe Silvia has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.Pepe Silvia has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.Pepe Silvia has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.Pepe Silvia has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.Pepe Silvia has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.Pepe Silvia has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.Pepe Silvia has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.Pepe Silvia has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.Pepe Silvia has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.Pepe Silvia has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.
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