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Old 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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I'm on a mission to shit
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
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Old 05-20-2014, 12:05 PM   #271
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Midday update: explosive flatulence results in nightcrawler-sized offal.
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Old 05-20-2014, 12:33 PM   #272
Johnny Vegas Johnny Vegas is offline
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I believe in the power of blueberries. I was clogged up for days and ate blueberry pancakes at the local diner. First time in my life I shit so much my shit was past the water line a good 2 inches. It was a geographical phenomenon, like a newly discovered island in the ocean built from the depths of active volcanos.
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Old 05-20-2014, 12:36 PM   #273
Dayze Dayze is offline
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prune juice? I have exactly 2:24 to drink then get to the bathroom.
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Old 05-20-2014, 02:22 PM   #274
Pasta Little Brioni Pasta Little Brioni is offline
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How many courics?
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Old 05-20-2014, 02:28 PM   #275
Mosbonian Mosbonian is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThaVirus View Post
Heh.

I thought these were black jokes until I read Mosbonian's post.
I can help you test the theory....

Go to Wal-Mart and buy the already prepared 2 liter bottle of Grape Kool-Aid. Spend the next 2 days drinking nothing but that with your meals.

You will spend the next 2 days wondering if all you ate was lettuce and broccoli.
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Old 05-20-2014, 02:31 PM   #276
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mosbonian View Post
I can help you test the theory....

Go to Wal-Mart and buy the already prepared 2 liter bottle of Grape Kool-Aid. Spend the next 2 days drinking nothing but that with your meals.

You will spend the next 2 days wondering if all you ate was lettuce and broccoli.
It's the blue dye, which for some reason comes out green.

I mentioned it earlier in the thread, but spend a couple of days eating Boo Berry cereal for breakfast. It does the same thing.
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Old 05-20-2014, 02:34 PM   #277
Mosbonian Mosbonian is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
It's the blue dye, which for some reason comes out green.

I mentioned it earlier in the thread, but spend a couple of days eating Boo Berry cereal for breakfast. It does the same thing.
I think I'll pass on the Boo Berry...it was a bad enough experience when I was young that now if I am at a party that has a drink there that is grape in color I leave.
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Old 05-20-2014, 02:41 PM   #278
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Afternoon update: Almost entirely without warning, a fecal slurry ejects itself from my rectum. I now must treat every quiver of my lower intestine as a possible warning sign of explosive diarrhea. Htismaqe officially added to my list of "People to Kill."

Side note: I haven't shat thrice in one day in a long time.
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Old 05-20-2014, 02:42 PM   #279
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
Afternoon update: Almost entirely without warning, a fecal slurry ejects itself from my rectum. I now must treat every quiver of my lower intestine as a possible warning sign of explosive diarrhea. Htismaqe officially added to my list of "People to Kill."
First of all, it worked, did it not?

Second of all, I warned you!
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Old 05-20-2014, 02:46 PM   #280
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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I'm kidding, of course.

I wish I had a scale. I feel tremendously light.
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Old 05-20-2014, 02:47 PM   #281
ThaVirus ThaVirus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
It's the blue dye, which for some reason comes out green.



I mentioned it earlier in the thread, but spend a couple of days eating Boo Berry cereal for breakfast. It does the same thing.

Ohhhhhhhh balls! That may be it.

I bought a box of Crunch Berries cereal right around the time it started. I finished it a couple days ago and now my poo is brown again

Gee willikers!
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Old 05-20-2014, 02:51 PM   #282
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThaVirus View Post
I bought a box of Crunch Berries cereal
That's it.
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Old 05-20-2014, 02:52 PM   #283
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
I'm kidding, of course.

I wish I had a scale. I feel tremendously light.
You're welcome!
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Old 05-20-2014, 02:54 PM   #284
ThaVirus ThaVirus is offline
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Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
That's it.

That's crazy. I've never had that happen before.

Science, bitch!
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Old 05-20-2014, 02:59 PM   #285
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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Originally Posted by ThaVirus View Post
That's crazy. I've never had that happen before.

Science, bitch!
The red dye they used to use back in the 80's was worse.

There were several alleged cases of intestinal bleeding that ended up being discoloration caused by this:
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