Home Discord Chat
Go Back   ChiefsPlanet > Hall of Classics
Reload this Page I'm on a mission to shit
Register FAQDonate Members List Calendar

Reply
Page 1 of 23 1 234511 Last »
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM   Topic Starter
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
I'll be back.
 
Hammock Parties's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
I'm on a mission to shit
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
Posts: 288,100
Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
   Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2014, 11:50 AM   #2
Why Not? Why Not? is offline
In Search of a Life
 
Why Not?'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas
Sounds crappy
Posts: 22,826
Why Not? is obviously part of the inner Circle.Why Not? is obviously part of the inner Circle.Why Not? is obviously part of the inner Circle.Why Not? is obviously part of the inner Circle.Why Not? is obviously part of the inner Circle.Why Not? is obviously part of the inner Circle.Why Not? is obviously part of the inner Circle.Why Not? is obviously part of the inner Circle.Why Not? is obviously part of the inner Circle.Why Not? is obviously part of the inner Circle.Why Not? is obviously part of the inner Circle.
 Thumbs Up 1 Thumbs Down 0     Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2014, 11:50 AM   #3
BlackHelicopters BlackHelicopters is offline
Spiraling down the Drain
 
BlackHelicopters's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Dante's Ninth Circle
Prayers sent.
Posts: 32,548
BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.BlackHelicopters is obviously part of the inner Circle.
     Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #4
tooge tooge is offline
MVP
 
tooge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Liberty, MO
may the shartz be with you
Posts: 16,443
tooge is obviously part of the inner Circle.tooge is obviously part of the inner Circle.tooge is obviously part of the inner Circle.tooge is obviously part of the inner Circle.tooge is obviously part of the inner Circle.tooge is obviously part of the inner Circle.tooge is obviously part of the inner Circle.tooge is obviously part of the inner Circle.tooge is obviously part of the inner Circle.tooge is obviously part of the inner Circle.tooge is obviously part of the inner Circle.
     Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #5
booger booger is offline
Don't Tug on Superman's Cape
 
booger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: clear out in the sticks
Gonna have to try a plunger
Posts: 12,690
booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.
     Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #6
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
Seize life. Be an ermine.
 
Rain Man's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: My house
You should check to be sure that they didn't accidentally sew your rectum shut.
Posts: 143,131
Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.
     Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2014, 11:57 AM   #7
booger booger is offline
Don't Tug on Superman's Cape
 
booger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: clear out in the sticks
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
You should check to be sure that they didn't accidentally sew your rectum shut.
He's gonna need a c section. It's gotta be breach by now
Posts: 12,690
booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.
     Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2014, 11:51 AM   #8
Dartgod Dartgod is online now
Wasted away again...
 
Dartgod's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: in Margaritaville
Everyone knows you're full of shit.
Posts: 51,737
Dartgod is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dartgod is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dartgod is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dartgod is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dartgod is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dartgod is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dartgod is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dartgod is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dartgod is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dartgod is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dartgod is obviously part of the inner Circle.
     Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2014, 11:52 AM   #9
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
'Tis my eye!
 
htismaqe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Chiefsplanet
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.
Posts: 100,197
htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.
 Thumbs Up 1 Thumbs Down 0     Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2014, 11:53 AM   #10
BryanBusby BryanBusby is offline
In Search of a Life
 
BryanBusby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Taco Bell

It has me shitting in no time.
Posts: 22,291
BryanBusby has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BryanBusby has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BryanBusby has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BryanBusby has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BryanBusby has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BryanBusby has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BryanBusby has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BryanBusby has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BryanBusby has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BryanBusby has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BryanBusby has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.
     Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2014, 11:55 AM   #11
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
I'll be back.
 
Hammock Parties's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.
PREPARE FOR BATTLE
Posts: 288,100
Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
     Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2014, 01:56 PM   #12
Fire Me Boy! Fire Me Boy! is offline
Cast Iron Jedi
 
Fire Me Boy!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.
Yep.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
PREPARE FOR BATTLE
PREPARE TO LOSE.
Posts: 35,253
Fire Me Boy! is obviously part of the inner Circle.Fire Me Boy! is obviously part of the inner Circle.Fire Me Boy! is obviously part of the inner Circle.Fire Me Boy! is obviously part of the inner Circle.Fire Me Boy! is obviously part of the inner Circle.Fire Me Boy! is obviously part of the inner Circle.Fire Me Boy! is obviously part of the inner Circle.Fire Me Boy! is obviously part of the inner Circle.Fire Me Boy! is obviously part of the inner Circle.Fire Me Boy! is obviously part of the inner Circle.Fire Me Boy! is obviously part of the inner Circle.
     Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2014, 11:58 AM   #13
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
Tossed Salad & Scrambled Eggs
 
Dante84's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: ATX & OPKS
Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.
That's not going to get him into a Boardwalk Empire situation, is it?

You know, the scene where the kid spikes the other kids drink with this stuff, then the kid shits blood and dies?
Posts: 20,075
Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.
     Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2014, 12:05 PM   #14
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
'Tis my eye!
 
htismaqe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Chiefsplanet
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante84 View Post
That's not going to get him into a Boardwalk Empire situation, is it?

You know, the scene where the kid spikes the other kids drink with this stuff, then the kid shits blood and dies?
Good God no.

It's a saline laxative. All it does is draw water into the bowel. If you drank more than the recommended dosage it can cause other issues but perforation of the intestine certainly isn't one of them.
Posts: 100,197
htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.htismaqe is obviously part of the inner Circle.
     Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-2014, 11:52 AM   #15
Reerun_KC Reerun_KC is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Ask your boyfriend for help. Seriously surprised this would be an issue for you.
Posts: 1,529
Reerun_KC is obviously part of the inner Circle.Reerun_KC is obviously part of the inner Circle.Reerun_KC is obviously part of the inner Circle.Reerun_KC is obviously part of the inner Circle.Reerun_KC is obviously part of the inner Circle.Reerun_KC is obviously part of the inner Circle.Reerun_KC is obviously part of the inner Circle.Reerun_KC is obviously part of the inner Circle.Reerun_KC is obviously part of the inner Circle.Reerun_KC is obviously part of the inner Circle.Reerun_KC is obviously part of the inner Circle.
 Thumbs Up 1 Thumbs Down 0     Reply With Quote
Reply
Page 1 of 23 1 234511 Last »

« Previous Thread | > Hall of Classics < | Next Thread »

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump




All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:29 PM.

Contact Us - ChiefsPlanet - Archive - Top

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.