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View Poll Results: Who wins? | |||
Fire Me Boy! | 32 | 62.75% | |
CHENZ A! | 19 | 37.25% | |
Voters: 51. You may not vote on this poll |
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07-06-2018, 09:12 AM | Topic Starter |
NFL's #1 Ermines Fan
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: My house
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Gladiator 2018 - Round 1, Match 14 - Fire Me Boy! versus CHENZ A!
Vote for the person that you think would win this match in a battle to death or submission. As background, assume that prior to the tournament you received 10 minutes of training on every weapon. The time listed is the amount of time before the match where you learn what the weaponry and venue is.
Venue - Contestant 1 is at the top of an upward-moving escalator and Contestant 2 is at the bottom. The escalator is the only space in the venue. Starting Distance - 99 feet Fire Me Boy! Main Weapon - Pirate cutlass Backup Weapon - None Prep Time - 5 Minutes Special Factors - You have been blood doping in anticipation of the fight (boosting your red blood cell count for higher endurance) CHENZ A! Main Weapon - Chain Saw Backup Weapon - None Prep Time - 7 Minutes Special Factors - Snowshoes are tied to your feet |
Posts: 142,657
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07-06-2018, 09:17 AM | #2 |
Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
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Normally I would side with chain saw over cutlass, but the snow shoes tied to teh feet of CHENZ A! are the deciding factor here and Fire Me Boy! comes away the victor.
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Posts: 84
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07-06-2018, 09:19 AM | #3 |
Here We Go Again
Join Date: May 2002
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Posts: 14,728
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07-06-2018, 09:18 AM | #4 |
Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
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Add in FMB is swinging downward while C A is forced to swing upward (which I missed) and it's even easier to see who the victor should be.
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Posts: 84
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07-06-2018, 09:42 AM | #5 |
Needs more middle fingers
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: San Diego
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Alright, this is how this happens:
The two of them sweat nervously as the escalator draws them closer to combat. Both weapons ready, they clash at the center of the escalator. The Chainsaw is intimidating, but too heavy to be nimble, as Chenza swings clumsly and the two weapons collide. The chainsaw breaks the cutlass in half, and the force knocks the the sword from Fire Me's hands, but one of the links on the chain breaks as well, rendering the chainsaw useless.... On the 2nd pass they are forced into hand to hand combat. Fire Me Boy is able to outlast Chenza because of his blood doping and carb loading from a delicious plate of home made pasta. Chenza wears out and Fire Me Boy is eventually able to throw him over the edge of the escalator. Chenza gets impaled on half the cutlass that's protruding from the ground. |
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07-06-2018, 09:56 AM | #6 | |
Cast Iron Jedi
Join Date: Nov 2004
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Quote:
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Posts: 35,253
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07-06-2018, 11:44 AM | #7 | |
MVP
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Newport, Or
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Quote:
I do still think FMB wins due to having the high ground and the more nimble weapon. |
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Posts: 14,749
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07-06-2018, 09:43 AM | #8 |
Constable of Untruths
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Wichita
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Snowshoes on an escalator?! Cue the keystone cops music. He probably kills himself fallng down with the chainsaw running.
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Posts: 15,228
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07-06-2018, 09:52 AM | #9 |
Most Valuable Villain
Join Date: Dec 2006
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Couldn't CHENZ just use the chainsaw to trim the snowshoes down to a smaller size?
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Posts: 92,316
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07-06-2018, 10:24 AM | #10 |
MVP
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Driftless Region
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Could we be more specific on the blood doping?
EPO? |
Posts: 8,960
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07-06-2018, 10:52 AM | #11 |
NFL's #1 Ermines Fan
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: My house
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Posts: 142,657
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07-06-2018, 10:31 AM | #12 |
Cast Iron Jedi
Join Date: Nov 2004
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Gladiator 2018 - Round 1, Match 14 - Fire Me Boy! versus CHENZ A!
If CHENZ A!痴 chainsaw is anything like mine, he spends his entire 7 minutes prep time trying to start the chainsaw and wears himself out. It still isn稚 started at start time, and I charge down the escalator while he continues to pull the cord. With no weapon and a sore arm, I effectively dispatch CHENZ A!
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Posts: 35,253
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07-06-2018, 10:53 AM | #13 |
Hey Loochy, I'm hooome!
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: PooPooKaKaPeePeeShire
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FMB isn't the most agile guy these days. I think Chenza can finish him off quickly.
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Posts: 41,174
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07-06-2018, 10:59 AM | #14 |
Cast Iron Jedi
Join Date: Nov 2004
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Posts: 35,253
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07-06-2018, 11:11 AM | #15 |
Needs more middle fingers
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: San Diego
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Posts: 65,618
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