Thanks for the roast, Louis, and I apologize for not being able to make your party in the draft subforum. However, I will take your advice and stop shining my own bells on my bridle. After all, I respect people who are able to get advanced degrees in such things, and your knowledge in this area would certainly help.
And listen, don't let your colleagues' whispers and winks continue to get you paranoid into believing that your department is the academic equivalent of farm subsidies. They're wrong. What you're doing really matters. I know this because I recently spoke with one of your current graduate students:
You're like the bass that he kept telling me about; you make people want to start moving.
Anyway, thanks again. Truly, it's an honor to fall outside the top 10--pete sent me 36 PMs bitching about the call--and I'll work harder in the coming year.