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flinchfree · 08-10-2020, 01:06 AM

I'll go the other side of the argument.
You were how old, early 20's?
He took how much in change over that short period of time, $20 - $30?

If you have history you can talk about, and times can be good just being company, I say let that shit go man. Just don't put yourself in the position to pay his bills, right?
You can buy the guy a beer and not do the arithmetic or perform facial recognition to determine his 'feelings' about it, no? And if you don't have the cash to do so, just don't.
If he still wants to hang while you both go dutch, I say **** it and see if there is genuine love for eachother that could still be of value to your life.
He himself may be operating from the shame and guilt of that early moment in time in your friendship, and to be called out like that over small change may be super hard especially if he feels like he brought a whole lot more than that to your life...
Has he picked you up and driven you places but not asked for gas money?
Has he had you over to his joint and offered you pretzels and beer while you hang? Maybe he feels like he's paid it back already but doesn't want to be a dick by pointing it out?

When I was young and a student and had no stash money, I didn't say no if someone else offered a toke or a bong. Actually, and cringeingly, many times I asked. For a couple years it seemed my friends all had money because they were out working while I could barely pay the car registration and rent.
Things have worked out ok for me in the long run, and I make sure to always turn up to my mates houses with flowers for the wife, or a spread of bagels and dips for a Sunday lunch, or pick up a tab at the Chinese restaurant for everyone at the table at least once a year. I want them to know I appreciated their willingness to share back in our young days, though I could tell at times it annoyed them I didn't have the cover money to see a live band or hit a bar tab hard so I could buy everyone a round...
TBH, caused me lots of shame. I ****ing hated it.

So i try stupid hard to make things 'right' now, even when it seems over the top. Me and my best mate took a long weekend trip down to Tasmania last time I was in Oz and I booked the cabin we stayed in and refused to take a coin. You know, because if at the end of life and there's a tab, I don't want there to be any way some one says I took more than I gave.

But maybe your buddy never got himself 'right', has never found a way to be professionally and financially successful, and he's still battling just to make it through an everyday day the rest of us mostly have covered.

I say call him up, see if hanging out is still fun or has passed it's nostalgic course. Maybe friendship now at your age (I'm 52 so I get it...) is more important than your honor at being stolen from so many years ago.

Life isn't always as clear as many here paint.

But if he ****s you again, well, there's always rat poison.

08-10-2020, 01:06 AM	#43
flinchfree Starter Join Date: Mar 2019	I'll go the other side of the argument. You were how old, early 20's? He took how much in change over that short period of time, $20 - $30? If you have history you can talk about, and times can be good just being company, I say let that shit go man. Just don't put yourself in the position to pay his bills, right? You can buy the guy a beer and not do the arithmetic or perform facial recognition to determine his 'feelings' about it, no? And if you don't have the cash to do so, just don't. If he still wants to hang while you both go dutch, I say ** it and see if there is genuine love for eachother that could still be of value to your life. He himself may be operating from the shame and guilt of that early moment in time in your friendship, and to be called out like that over small change may be super hard especially if he feels like he brought a whole lot more than that to your life... Has he picked you up and driven you places but not asked for gas money? Has he had you over to his joint and offered you pretzels and beer while you hang? Maybe he feels like he's paid it back already but doesn't want to be a dick by pointing it out? When I was young and a student and had no stash money, I didn't say no if someone else offered a toke or a bong. Actually, and cringeingly, many times I asked. For a couple years it seemed my friends all had money because they were out working while I could barely pay the car registration and rent. Things have worked out ok for me in the long run, and I make sure to always turn up to my mates houses with flowers for the wife, or a spread of bagels and dips for a Sunday lunch, or pick up a tab at the Chinese restaurant for everyone at the table at least once a year. I want them to know I appreciated their willingness to share back in our young days, though I could tell at times it annoyed them I didn't have the cover money to see a live band or hit a bar tab hard so I could buy everyone a round... TBH, caused me lots of shame. I ing hated it. So i try stupid hard to make things 'right' now, even when it seems over the top. Me and my best mate took a long weekend trip down to Tasmania last time I was in Oz and I booked the cabin we stayed in and refused to take a coin. You know, because if at the end of life and there's a tab, I don't want there to be any way some one says I took more than I gave. But maybe your buddy never got himself 'right', has never found a way to be professionally and financially successful, and he's still battling just to make it through an everyday day the rest of us mostly have covered. I say call him up, see if hanging out is still fun or has passed it's nostalgic course. Maybe friendship now at your age (I'm 52 so I get it...) is more important than your honor at being stolen from so many years ago. Life isn't always as clear as many here paint. But if he **s you again, well, there's always rat poison.
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