Quote:
Originally Posted by HayWire
I dunno, I'm just a random guy on an internet forum but the only advice I have is to be a dick. I know that sounds rough and easier said than done but it works in the long run. I've told all of my kids that my job is to raise them to be good/productive adults and not be their friend until they have a family or on their own.
My oldest is my stepchild but I've raised him since he was 9 (his biological father never came around). He was getting out of control and thought he could do anything he wanted. Took his buddies car out for a drive one night without a licenses (cops called that night to come pick him up), had straight F's in school, and refused to do anything unless I stood over him and forced him to. My last straw was him getting in trouble at school....again when he was 17. He got in trouble for having his phone in class and got detention. He decided to skip detention and get suspended from school. A few days later we got the letter from school letting us know what happened. I will never forget the night I sat him and his mom down at the kitchen table and I gave him his options. I told him as long as he is in my house there are rules and he broke them therefore he must be punished. He told me he would rather leave than be grounded.......so I pointed at the door. The next two hours were kind of a blur....his mom cried and I helped him pack. Gave him everything he needed, a big hug, an I love you, and told him to not forget to visit. It sucked, I cried, mom cried, and not much sleep for the next week.
Fast forward 7 years and that stubborn asshole is kicking ass and taking names. He comes by all the time and calls to thank me for being a dick when he was younger  .
TLDR version.....it will be hard and sometimes you have to piss them off to get them ready for the real world. |
Do this. You may not be able to control what she does/doesn't do, or what her father does/doesn't do, but you have a say in what happens in your house. Sit her down with her mother present and lay down her options. A, she finishes school, then she has to move out when she gets a job. B, she gets a job, and when she turns 18, she moves out. C, she moves out right now.
I've seen the problem you're having among many of my friend's children. Basically the kid realizes at some point that they don't have to do anything because their parents won't hit them with real consequences. Unfortunately it's likely too late for your stepdaughter to learn this lesson from you, but that's not all your fault. She also a mother and biological father that allowed her to become the twit she's become.
But you have to impress upon her that at least one person in her life won't let her walk all over them, and that looks like it has to be you. So lay down the law in your house, and then follow through, period.
Otherwise, there's a good chance that your stepdaughter will be a full-time crackhead hooker in a year or two.
Good luck.