10. htismaqe
Parker (because I'll be ****ed if I'm going to type out that combination of letters that looks like kcnut threw up on his keyboard every time I want to mention this turd by name) doesn't deserve to be up here at all, but for some bizarre reason I really like him, so he gets a top 10 spot. Because of seniority, or whatever.
He's just so ****ing busy! Great, Parker. You're busy, we get it. It's not like everybody else has all the ****ing time in the world. I've got a job, too. Shit, it's the last weeks of class and I have papers and finals to grade. I have research obligations. I could be doing that right now, but because I'm an adult I know how to balance home, work, and Planet life like a responsible individual. I don't just go own extended leaves of absence because "really busy at my job!"
His incredible service to the forum deserves applause in some respects. Former mod. Former CP mock draft participant. Veteran of some of Chiefs Planet's (and the Star forum's) most heated and contentious battles. We say "former" in all of these cases, though. Because why? Because he was busy!
At least he took an honest shot as Roastmaster. Think of all those roasts he had to go through. 101. Can you imagine?
He clearly couldn't. Know why? Because he quit like he always ****ing does. Sheesh, dude. PGM had more motivation to do his ****ing job than you did. I know the roasts aren't very juicy at the top (I know because I've ****ing been there) but that's what separates the divisional playoff loss Marty teams from the 7-9 sad stinky disappointments. And let me tell you, brother- Carlton Gray and Chester McGlockton are NOT going to put you over the top in this one.
Parker, I wanted you to come back. The door was always open. We could have been a team. We would have been unstoppable. But you are still really busy, or some shit. Fine. Whatever. I'm good with being the King of Roasts. Maybe when you're not busy and go on splurges of 500 posts per day for 2-month stretches you can have a nice long talk with Hootie about who has more willpower to finish complicated tasks. And at least Hootie has an excuse-- he got banned.
In the meantime, I AM busy, but I still got you your roast that you deserved. Oh, and when you see your boy Carl over the holidays and give him a big wet kiss, tell him to go **** himself from me.