I'd just like to point out how much I love the term 'box'
LMAO

Donger, do you slip your dick through your pajama bottoms(White Dave Chappelle skit style) when you and the wife get that hot and heavy missionary action going?

Best to get to know her a little first. Tried that one a first date years ago and wound up with her heel print on my forehead

Mama's got a squeeze box....

I don't know a much better way to do foreplay than to make out---Oral---Sex. All can be done within 30 minutes depending on weather conditions ;)

On your last note, one statement sums up my thoughts about eating box "happy wife, happy life".

LMAO

Ok but that's your problem. Not everyone elses.

It's like saying I should only like vanilla ice cream.
There's chocolate.
Or vanilla with sprinkles.

Or a goddamn apple.

ROFL is my favorite word for it

She does, yes. It probably didn't help that years ago (pre-marriage) we discussed it and I piped up and said, "What!? There's nothing wrong with your vagina. I've eaten some nasty cooter in my days, and your's is actually really nice!"

I tried humming once but it's not so sexy when it's the star spangled banner you're humming.

I don't wear pajamas.

ROFL that is ****ing hilarious!

Worst part is finding one who gets off on it. It's fun and hilarious but I damn near passed out running out of breath numerous times!

I bet Donger refers to his wang as "The Oil Rig"

I wish we were doing secret santa.

http://www.amazon.com/Glow-N-Dark-Pu.../dp/B001D26Q16

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41tGpFZNcXL.jpg

You can do it put your ass into it... Or is it back into it how the song goes?

Oh wow. LMAO I'm...I'm...I'm totally getting one of those!

cooter? really?

You might want to change up your vernacular about your wife's pussy around your wife. Maybe try.........Meat Wallet?

That's actually her name for her vagina.

The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night. I told her I was looking for cheap flights. "I love you!" she said, then she got all excited, un-zipped my trousers and gave me the most amazing blow job ever......


Which is odd because she's never shown an interest in darts before!

:LOL: bookmarked :thumb:

Seriously? That's awesome......:LOL:

ROFL

Why? Does it look like Ben Jones?

Go with Hai Karate - especially if you are rocking a 70's pube 'fro

LMAO

My wife tells me she'd blow me more if I'd stop ripping the most heinous farts known to man around her 24/7. I just get too much joy out of decimating the air any chance I get.

These things sound like a cross between deer bleats and thunder and smell like raw sewage. Can't saw that I blame her, but I'm not going to cut out the farting. It's one of my favorite things in the world to take a lovely, serene week-night living room and turn it into some sort of dumpster/swamp/roadkill center.

I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, drop-dead gorgeous!

I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can."

I said, "I think my cock tastes funny..

:LOL: Jew Bush

LMAO

What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

No sympathy AT ALL lol, you dont deserve head with your antics.

Any girl I ever dated would find herself without the services of my tongue if she thrilled to the smell and sound of the farts she ripped in front of me.

Reminds me of drinking underage at this dive bar back in '99 or so. Closing time I played kiss me where it smells funny on the jukebox and that old tart took me home and really tought me how to properly glaze a ham

LMAO

I really don't even know what this means LMAO

It's always LSF for me when engaging in coitus.

I've never asked, so I don't know.

I don't know who that is or what he looks like, so I don't know.

:thumb:

Good looking out Chi

This thread is evolving into potential Hall of Classics material.

smells like motorcycles and freedom down there ROFL

The T-Rex:

When you are doing a girl from behind, preferably close to the edge of the bed, and you grab her by the shoulders and lift her up. This results in her swinging her arms aimlessly like a T-Rex while making moaning noises.

"Dude.. what was all that noise.."
"Oo.. I t rexed that bitch"
"Sahweet"

Pairs well with a donkey punch.

I would think a large percentage of women would just put her hands on your hands.

The amputee or stubby.



Bonus points for everyone that just touched their shoulders and looked at their elbows.

You Put the bald man in
You pull the bald man out
And you shake it all around
That's what it's all about

I don't know about that. Those high notes at the rockets' red glare are pretty likely to lead to bombs bursting in air.

I hum like Barry White.

I try sweet home Alabama but it always sounds more like La Bamba

Couple times every three weeks.

LMAO

Wow. Is that Dukes of Hazzard? If so, I'm going to have some fun tonight when she and the kids get home.

Okay, well at least she's not alone (I guess):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cooter

Yes.

:D

His nickname was "Crazy Cooter"?

LMAO

Mischief commences... And she won't get too mad, because it's my birthday tomorrow and she takes those seriously.

We are 3 days apart.

That explains so much.

All instances of coitus MUST include oral, both ways. No question. It's simply barbaric otherwise.

When I can hang from a shower curtain rod by my ankle instead?

No thanks.

Wife's is the 18th. We should have a threesome next year.

Do you have kids?

My step dad's is the 16th, can't we just trade?

Your wife is hot but Cooter was never my favorite character.

Patience my dear.

LMAO

Happy belated birthday, by the way. I hope you had a good one.

Image from http://www.dogstiltingtheirheads.com...t/dsc_3257.jpg.

Damn right. We're not animals. We live in a society.

I have been with my wife for 3 years and have never received a completed blow job from her, she has given me head for a minute or so on a few special occasions

And how often do you munch her box?

Just tell her you only like two things with your beer, doughnuts and pussy... and you're fresh outta doughnuts.

THANK you. Eloquently put by the way. Gotta give to receive I say. It's just polite.

What is this "sex" thing I keep hearing about?

Whenever she asks, one of my favorite things about sex. I love giving more than receiving but damn I really want to receive sometimes

Yea.... That sucks (no pun intended). Maybe you suck at it.

Learn the Greek alphabet.

Also, 69. Leaves her with no choice in the matter.

Nah, I think I am pretty good, she asks for it all the time. She just refused to give head. I know the reason why and totally understand the reason. So I don't push it

Did she have a bad experience in her younger days, too many guys too much?

I was with a girl for 6 months like that, she'd do ANY damn thing but swallow because of an ugly incident in her past... I guess thats what happens to girls from an "escort service" without the muscle a pimp is supposed to provide.

But yeah, you're anonymous brucey 72 on the web... what was her deal, why wouldnt she go down?

While most of us on CP are only working with a 10-12 incher, you've got that monster 16" working. I see why she doesn't want to as well.

No matter how much she begs, he's not willing to get rid of his big bushy pube-fro.

**** 'em...

True story: First time my ex swallowed. She directed the action, I obliged. A bit later we were getting some food and she talked with food in her mouth. I jokingly said "don't talk with your mouth full". Well, she went off thinking I was referencing the earlier swallow. Try as I might, I couldn't convince her it was just a silly joke and in no way was I referencing the swallow. I bailed out and went to take a shower.

Moment later, she kicked in my glass shower door wielding a 12 inch knife at me, seeting, with eyes that could kill you alone and threatening to kill me. I bolted out, grabbed the knife hand, slammed it against the wall, dislodging the knife. I eventually made it to my phone and dialed 911. I hope she is doing well.

That's Jodi Arias crazy!!! No drugs or therapy can fix that.

Glad you're ok.

If that's some kind of a shot at me then kindly go **** yourself.

I just found a retro commercial for Hai Karate. LMAO


Dude....well played.

:popcorn: