***** Official NEW Dating Mega Thread, Part 2 *****
 

Let's do this.

Got another one lined up. We're not going to dinner.

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Well shit

I recently saw a girl I used to have a thing for when we were teenagers. It was from way back when I lived in another state so we've barely talked and haven't seen each other in about 5 years or so. She's got a boyfriend who she has a child with and they live together.

I had been up there for a few days and we saw each other a couple times. Nothing happened.

About a month after I came back home she called me randomly one day and told me she had just found out that her boyfriend had been cheating for months, at least. She went on to basically say that it was really hard for her not to "do anything" with me while I was up there and that she wouldn't have stopped herself had she known prior to me leaving.

It's important to note that this conversation took place about a month ago.

................... She's now engaged to be married to the guy.

That'll definitely last.

So being a married old guy, sometimes I test my attractiveness to the opposite sex. I was looking for a birthday card and a decent looking mom was hovering, trying to get to the same selection I was looking at. It was awkward, I found my card, a glittery one, got that crap all over me. I looked at her and simply said "I could do without the glitter" and good lord, she busted out with laugh heard half way across the store, like I told her the funniest thing ever. Kinda freaked me out, I went on my way.

Forwarded to Mrs. Buzz.

Buzz has a stable...no doubt

She missed out on Tha Virus Jackhammer

Went on a Carnival Cruise last year through the Caribbean and had the time of my life as a single guy. That is like a smorgasbord of pew-tang for any single guy. The first night on the boat I was sitting with some girls on a couch in a bar. I hear this woman yell "this guys single" and I look up and it's a woman next to my buddy I went with, up at the bar pointing at him to a group of women sitting a little bit away. My buddy thought there wouldn't be any single women on the cruise since he had previous exp on a cruise with his X wife. He was wrong.

I Still chat with 3 chics on FB from that trip and ended up meeting up with one not long after in Vegas. This trip happened 6 mo after a 7 year relationship so I was due for some fun.

Just the other day my coworker mentioned his wife was going on a cruise with her girlfriends and he wasn't "interested in going on that shit trip". Which makes me think more women go on cruises than men.

Anyone else agree?

You still poking that chubby chick billay?

He'd better be.

Hop in on that three way, Clay. It's not when there's some honey in the middle.

So, I'm now in a committed relationship with the chick I was talking about last month.

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So I have this problem of busting waaaay too soon. I used to not care, get in/get out, who gives a **** if she likes it, but now I wanna impress. I do well, but not for long.

Any ideas on how to fix this? Without pills?

Have discuss come over and give you a 90 second break. You guys can switch every 90 seconds and make it to about the 10 minute mark.

Best thing I can come up with thus far is pull out and lick the pussy for ten or fifteen minutes, then go back in.

"Stamina" has never been a problem. Comes from beating the bishop for about a decade before getting regular strange. Shit's desensitized.

10-15 minutes?

If you're doing it right then 15 minutes should be your target time for everything (she cums a couple of times, you cum once).

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***** Official NEW Dating Mega Thread, Part 2 *****
 

Wear a condom.

Employ the start and stop method (pulling out and eating the putty tat is your best bet here).

Beat your meat beforehand.

Change positions frequently.

Slow it down and grind pelvises if you feel you're about to bust until the feeling resides. Girls seem to like that better than the jackhammer anyway.

LMAO

Quit ruining my jokes.

Generic viagra will make you last forever. Sildenafil citrate. You can get it at any online pharmacy.

It's also useful if you've been drinking. :)

Ah, yes. Alcohol works as well. Hit her with that Henny dick and she'll be begging you to finish.

Thank you.

Please tell me you're using condoms..

Guys, there's this girl at my work. Affluent family, crazy high credit score, not what I would take home to mom, but I've watched guys ask her if they can lick every inch of her super long legs.

She literally just made a prison pen pal 2 weeks ago and is now putting all sorts of money on his books.

...

There is no excuse for any of you.

Welp, after reading that, I've given up. Thanks kati.

Being anti-social is a pretty good excuse.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm organizing my Star Wars Customizable Card Game collection.

Weed works for me almost as well as beer. Mix the two and I likely won't finish before I give up.
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I've never had sex high but I've heard it's a transcendent experience.

It's not really that different.

I have a friend that has an awesome story about having sex while on a mushroom trip. I don't remember it well enough to re-tell it, but that shit is hilarious.

BTW, he doesn't recommend it. Said he couldn't focus on what he was doing because of all the distorted sensory perception.

It depends on the drug.

Weed helps prolong it but you're both lazy.
Coke makes you do just dirty awful things to each other.
X makes you not really care who you're doing it to.

****ing on mushrooms would look like a Vaudville skit.

Viagra is cool if you don't mind sitting on a fence pole.

LMAO

The girl wasn't tripping. He says she said it was awesome because he lasted forever and he just kept pounding away as he was getting intense visual hallucinations.

ey bb u wan sum ****?

Never have.

Seen that shit everyday in there.

You ever pop a Viagra Joey?

Count needs him a cute, socially awkward chick to impale with his chemically enhanced dong.

?


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No I haven't

Those prison pen pal chicks are nuts, if you are ever considering one, RUN! DO NOT LOOK BACK!!!

Unless you are in prison, in that case do what you gotta do to keep her around, never thought about that side of things.

I'm sure you all will tell me I'm overreacting again but the chick told me last week she was goin to a movie with a hmguy. I thought ok just a friend no big deal.

We're laying in bed tonight she's looking at FB and goes "that can't be his gf!" I ask if that's the guy she was supposed to see the movie with she said yes I asked how she knew him she said online. She said they dated for a few months.

and yet you were IN BED with her

stop being insecure and lay pipe

Yup the dude is probably railing her on the side.

We're all learning here..

Not overreacting. You got yourself a dating site lifer

got tested

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Lot's of fighting over spots in the phone line and sharing poems with other prisoners that they've found to be "heat" with their sig others through the mail.

Prison dating is interesting.

Have you been wrapping it up? I'd hate to see you go out like Willy Lump-lump.

Absolutely.

I actually got tested last year and came back clean, but it was only a urine test. Only two sexual partners since then, but I went to a more complete testing facility this time and got the full run of tests.

So...you've never actually been tested.

My bad...

Urine tests don't count? :spock:

Anyway, never had any symptoms but due diligence.

Unless you're testing for THC or a UTI, no...

If you've been wrapping it up and don't eat the cat the only thing you'd have to worry about is herpes and syphilis. You probably already have some strain of HPV.

They can test for things like gonorrhea and chlamydia through urine. They need your blood to test for herp, syphilis, and HIV though.

I'm not sure how they test for hep C... Probably blood as well.

Dating sounds like so much fun!

I've been snipped for quit a while and I STILL have to strap one on? That's some bullshit.

Who doesn't eat the cat?

Wear a rubber dude. Just use a bareskin.

AFAIK, eating the cat has the same taste as drinking out of a garden hose #metallic

I'm suprised you guys haven't joined a monastery yet. Dating young ladies seems to be a complete minefield nowadays. :shake:

You ever incorporate Zaxbys with sex SR?

You probably went downtown when Aunt Flow was in town.

Reminds me: I was talking to a coworker about pussy for some reason. He's currently in a long-term relationship. He says something to the effect of "vaginas smell like fish- they all do" and I just gave him this bewildered look.

That hasn't been my experience at all. Of all the women I've had sex with, only one had a bad smell.

Yup if it tastes like chicken keep on lickin

It's usually tasteless bordering on kinda like hose water. IDK. Haven't muff dove in two years so maybe I'm just glossing over details in my memory.

Cue kati and buttered popcorn.

mad respect

You installed Windows 10 with that chick yet KurtCobain?

The chick I went down on the other day literally had no smell, and no taste. When she came, the taste quickly changed to a metallic, almost copper flavor. It was strange. Never had that happen before.

I'm pretty much done with her for now though.

Thinking about trying out the online thing again.

and done with that

Snipping only means you can't have kids. Doesn't mean you can't still carry diseases.

With the committed relationship? That lasted all of five days.