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-   -   Oh Man... the Kirstie Tynes site is gonna get some MAD hits tonight!!!! (https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=179034)

Phobia 01-28-2008 11:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv
Your oldest looks a lot like you. Poor thing. I love that picture, though.
Yeah. Lying on our backs doesn't do a whole lot for fatheads. It's not my best look. Not that I'm a hottie or anything but that pic adds a few pounds.

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2cansam
right
LMAO
I've met his wife twice. That's her. I'm convinced she's either blind or legally reeruned though.

Buck 01-28-2008 11:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SportsRacer
Fixed.
LMAO...

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2cansam
has to be. no one in their right mind would subject their wife/gf to this crowd.
You'd think so, wouldn't you?

luv 01-28-2008 11:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phobia
Yeah. Lying on our backs doesn't do a whole lot for fatheads. It's not my best look. Not that I'm a hottie or anything but that pic adds a few pounds.
I think you're a good looking man.

Got any grape Gatorade?
LMAO


Seriously, you and Pink are a very good looking couple.

Phobia 01-28-2008 11:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delano
Not to sound creepy or anything, but Pink's got some of the most beautiful eyes I've seen.

Lucky bastard.
Oh, I'm incredibly lucky no doubt. I count my blessings every day. She's 10x better as a wife and mother than she is attractive. I couldn't have assembled a better partner Frankenstein style.

2cansam 01-28-2008 11:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplex3
You'd think so, wouldn't you?
yeah you would. i just now finished reading all this. no way i would post pics of my non existent gf on here.

guess i put my foot in my mouth there. good looking wife. lucky man.

Phobia 01-28-2008 11:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplex3
I've met his wife twice. That's her. I'm convinced she's either blind or legally reeruned though.
Twice? She's getting beat now.

keg in kc 01-28-2008 11:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phobia
Oh, I'm incredibly lucky no doubt. I count my blessings every day. She's 10x better as a wife and mother than she is attractive. I couldn't have assembled a better partner Frankenstein style.
Are you in the doghouse again or is she reading over your shoulder?

The Franchise 01-28-2008 11:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phobia
Oh, I'm incredibly lucky no doubt. I count my blessings every day. She's 10x better as a wife and mother than she is attractive. I couldn't have assembled a better partner Frankenstein style.
If I put together a Frankenstein wife....she'd be lopsided as hell. lol

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phobia
Twice? She's getting beat now.
You were there both times. Or was it only once? WTF?

I may be thinking of one of the times I helped her over IM with some web project.

PS, thanks again for that hat.

Guys: If he has any left I highly recommend them. Best damned hat I've ever owned.

Hammock Parties 01-28-2008 11:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv
I think you're a good looking man.
I don't know why he sells himself short. Plus, you should see his calves.

The Franchise 01-28-2008 11:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplex3
You were there both times. Or was it only once? WTF?

I may be thinking of one of the times I helped her over IM with some web project.

PS, thanks again for that hat.

Guys: If he has any left I highly recommend them. Best damned hat I've ever owned.
What kind of hat are we talking about here?

Phobia 01-28-2008 11:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplex3
You'd think so, wouldn't you?
I think people get what they give. I usually treat everybody pretty fairly. So, I don't expect abuse. Plus the whole "used to run the site" dynamic is different for me, I suppose. I wouldn't advise everyone to be this careless but it's not like those pics aren't on our own family website or elsewhere around the internet.

Buck 01-28-2008 11:22 PM
Getting back to Kirstie Tynes for a second, one thing synonymous with her name is Penis Pumps.

http://home.actlab.utexas.edu/epheme...mages/pump.jpg

/Thread Killer

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phobia
I think people get what they give. I usually treat everybody pretty fairly. So, I don't expect abuse. Plus the whole "used to run the site" dynamic is different for me, I suppose. I wouldn't advise everyone to be this careless but it's not like those pics aren't on our own family website or elsewhere around the internet.
You should sue yourself for putting them up there.

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by pestilenceaf23
What kind of hat are we talking about here?
CP baseball cap.

keg in kc 01-28-2008 11:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cro
Getting back to Kirstie Tynes for a second, one thing synonymous with her name is Penis Pumps.
Do those really work?

A, ah, friend wants to know.

Hammock Parties 01-28-2008 11:23 PM
Anyone ever used a cock pump?

Buck 01-28-2008 11:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by keg in kc
Do those really work?

A, ah, friend wants to know.
Strange, a, uh, friend of mine wants to know too.

Phobia 01-28-2008 11:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by keg in kc
Are you in the doghouse again or is she reading over your shoulder?
Nah. I was yesterday but a sincere apology or at least one that sounds sincere to her usually lands me back into her good graces quickly. It's one of the best things about her.... when I screw something up, she's forgiving.

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by keg in kc
Do those really work?

A, ah, friend wants to know.
If they worked every man in America would need a third leg sewn into their pants after age 15.

luv 01-28-2008 11:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cro
Getting back to Kirstie Tynes for a second, one thing synonymous with her name is Penis Pumps.

http://home.actlab.utexas.edu/epheme...mages/pump.jpg

/Thread Killer
Call me naive (cuz I am), but WTF?

keg in kc 01-28-2008 11:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplex3
If they worked every man in America would need a third leg sewn into their pants after age 15.
Point there.

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GOATSE
Anyone ever used a cock pump?
That's not a nice thing to call your sister.

keg in kc 01-28-2008 11:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phobia
Nah. I was yesterday but a sincere apology or at least one that sounds sincere to her usually lands me back into her good graces quickly. It's one of the best things about her.... when I screw something up, she's forgiving.
Didn't we tell you that the "I swear, the kid must've ordered that porn flick, she's just crazy with that remote" excuse would only work ones...

Hammock Parties 01-28-2008 11:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplex3
If they worked every man in America would need a third leg sewn into their pants after age 15.
Quote:
Pumping must be done very carefully to avoid injury. Over-enthusiastic pumping can burst blood vessels and form blisters. In some cases the testicles can be unexpectedly pulled into the cylinder and cause severe pain and injury. It is also believed that the rim of the cylinder can cut into the skin and over time cause damage to the ligaments surrounding the penis. Impatiently pumping without reading explanatory material can produce too much suction (any pressure lower than 10 torr) and cause permanent injury. Attempts at using vacuum cleaner units for this purpose have resulted in severe injury as the machine produces far too much suction.

keg in kc 01-28-2008 11:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplex3
That's not a nice thing to call your sister.
Hey, lay off the sperm magnet's brother.

2cansam 01-28-2008 11:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv
Call me naive (cuz I am), but WTF?
i wasn't going to ask but since you did...yeah...i don't get that one??

The Franchise 01-28-2008 11:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplex3
CP baseball cap.
Picture?

Phobia 01-28-2008 11:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by keg in kc
Do those really work?

A, ah, friend wants to know.
My pediatrician swore by them.

Buck 01-28-2008 11:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv
Call me naive (cuz I am), but WTF?
Its called a penis pump, and it supposedly makes your penis bigger.

keg in kc 01-28-2008 11:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phobia
My pediatrician swore by them.
I'm not quite sure how to respond to that.

2cansam 01-28-2008 11:27 PM


did you copy that from the box?? :doh!:

TinyEvel 01-28-2008 11:27 PM
1 Attachment(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by pestilenceaf23
Picture?

like in this pic?

Buck 01-28-2008 11:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GOATSE
Pumping must be done very carefully to avoid injury. Over-enthusiastic pumping can burst blood vessels and form blisters. In some cases the testicles can be unexpectedly pulled into the cylinder and cause severe pain and injury. It is also believed that the rim of the cylinder can cut into the skin and over time cause damage to the ligaments surrounding the penis. Impatiently pumping without reading explanatory material can produce too much suction (any pressure lower than 10 torr) and cause permanent injury. Attempts at using vacuum cleaner units for this purpose have resulted in severe injury as the machine produces far too much suction.
If you think Goatse copied and pasted this you are wrong. This came out of his personal diary.

keg in kc 01-28-2008 11:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2cansam
did you copy that from the box?? :doh!:
There's a plethora of data available online on a variety of male enhancement technologies.

At least that's what I've heard.

luv 01-28-2008 11:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cro
Its called a penis pump, and it supposedly makes your penis bigger.
I was gonna say....I was just thinking that a breast pump is for milk.....

Phobia 01-28-2008 11:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by keg in kc
Didn't we tell you that the "I swear, the kid must've ordered that porn flick, she's just crazy with that remote" excuse would only work ones...
Heh.

I scheduled a SuperBowl party and invited friends without consulting her. Which wasn't such a big deal but when she called me on it, my ego took over and I told her to deal with it. That didn't fly well. Sometimes I'm not bright.

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:29 PM
1 Attachment(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by pestilenceaf23
Picture?

keg in kc 01-28-2008 11:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phobia
Heh.

I scheduled a SuperBowl party and invited friends without consulting her. Which wasn't such a big deal but when she called me on it, my ego took over and I told her to deal with it. That didn't fly well. Sometimes I'm not bright.
This is why I'm single. I don't do well with the whole cohabitate thing.

Buck 01-28-2008 11:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv
I was gonna say....I was just thinking that a breast pump is for milk.....
Ah ha. Well thats not what this is for, but a friend of mine tells me that there are things that will effectively do what you were thinking about.

Delano 01-28-2008 11:29 PM
I wonder if Kirstie is an over-enthusiastic pumper.

Hammock Parties 01-28-2008 11:30 PM
Here's some good news for seekers of bigger dongs. You can have surgery to add approximately an inch to your dong, with a 30 percent satisfaction rate. GO FOR IT!

Quote:
Approximately one-third to one-half of the penis is inside the body, and is internally attached to the undersurface of the pubic bone. Penis lengthening involves the release of the fundiform ligament and the suspensory ligament that attaches the two erectile bodies to the pubic bone (ligamentolysis). The suspensory ligament makes the penis arch under the pubic bone. Release of this ligament allows the penis to protrude on a straighter path, further outward to give more functional length. With the penis on stretch, the ligament is divided close to the pubic bone until all midline attachments have been freed. Once these ligaments have been cut, part of the penile shaft (usually held within the body) drops forward and extends out, enlarging the penis by 20-30 mm (0.78-1.18 in.). After surgery, part of the postoperative treatment includes stretching of the penis to prevent the severed suspensory ligament from healing shorter than it was previously. The article "Penile Suspensory Ligament Division for Penile Augmentation: Indications and Results" discussed the subject.[2]

According to Nim Christopher, a urologist at St. Peterm's Andrology Center in London, among men who have had the surgery, "the dissatisfaction rate was in excess of 70 percent".

keg in kc 01-28-2008 11:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cro
Ah ha. Well thats not what this is for, but a friend of mine tells me that there are things that will effectively do what you were thinking about.
Lotion, Penthouse and a plastic cup.

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delano
I wonder if Kirstie is an over-enthusiastic pumper.
Well, we know she f**ks.

Phobia 01-28-2008 11:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GOATSE
I don't know why he sells himself short. Plus, you should see his calves.
I'm really creeped out now. I think you just posted that I'm at least an "8".

luv 01-28-2008 11:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cro
Ah ha. Well thats not what this is for, but a friend of mine tells me that there are things that will effectively do what you were thinking about.
Go to a Brown Bag Parties website. They have things that lok like women's moths for men. It's hilarious.

luv 01-28-2008 11:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phobia
I'm really creeped out now. I think you just posted that I'm at least an "8".
I'd say 9.

2cansam 01-28-2008 11:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GOATSE
Here's some good news for seekers of bigger dongs. You can have surgery to add approximately an inch to your dong, with a 30 percent satisfaction rate. GO FOR IT!
satisfaction rate would need to be A LOT higher for someone to go cutting on me.

Phobia 01-28-2008 11:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by keg in kc
This is why I'm single. I don't do well with the whole cohabitate thing.
Sometimes it's a challenge but it's all about compromise. Compromise means that you do what she tells you to do without complaining. It works pretty well around here.

Hammock Parties 01-28-2008 11:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phobia
I'm really creeped out now. I think you just posted that I'm at least an "8".
No, DaKCMan AP is probably an 8, maybe a 9. You're not close.

Buck 01-28-2008 11:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv
Go to a Brown Bag Parties website. They have things that lok like women's moths for men. It's hilarious.
pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2cansam
satisfaction rate would need to be A LOT higher for someone to go cutting on me.
Hey, has anyone welcomed this n00b yet? ---^

Hammock Parties 01-28-2008 11:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2cansam
satisfaction rate would need to be A LOT higher for someone to go cutting on me.
Liposuction of the pubic area is also a method. That sounds pretty safe.

Buck 01-28-2008 11:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplex3
Hey, has anyone welcomed this n00b yet? ---^
Not yet.

Hammock Parties 01-28-2008 11:33 PM
OR, you can install a robocock:

Quote:
Inflatable implants

A further method is to replace the two corpora cavernosa with inflatable penile implants. This is performed primarily as a therapeutic surgery for men suffering from complete impotence; an implanted pump in the groin or scrotum can be manipulated by hand to fill these cylinders from an implanted reservoir in order to achieve an erection. The replacement cylinders are normally sized to be direct replacements for the corpus cavernosa, but larger ones can be implanted.

One advantage to this surgery is that an erection can be created whenever desired, for as long as is desired and as firm as desired. The major negative to it is that this surgical procedure can never be reversed.

Phobia 01-28-2008 11:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv
I'd say 9.
It's my package, isn't it?

TinyEvel 01-28-2008 11:34 PM
1 Attachment(s)
Just when you thought this thread couldn't get any worse!

2cansam 01-28-2008 11:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GOATSE
Liposuction of the pubic area is also a method. That sounds pretty safe.
why in the hell would you do that?

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cro
Not yet.
Which one of you pussies is going to be the welcome wagon? We all know I'm not qualified.

Phobia 01-28-2008 11:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GOATSE
No, DaKCMan AP is probably an 8, maybe a 9. You're not close.
I think I'm gonna just go with the female rating. Thanks for your admiration though. If you'd like, I'll send you a laminated, autographed full body shot of myself.

Hammock Parties 01-28-2008 11:35 PM
WELCOME TO THE GUN SHOW

luv 01-28-2008 11:35 PM
https://www.brownbagparty.com/viewim...1852040820.jpg

keg in kc 01-28-2008 11:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phobia
Sometimes it's a challenge but it's all about compromise. Compromise means that you do what she tells you to do without complaining. It works pretty well around here.
Yeah, that's what's ended my last two attempts. I realize that I'd rather be playing video games or watching TV than doing anything with or involving my SO and that's the end of it.

I don't do compromise so well.

luv 01-28-2008 11:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phobia
It's my package, isn't it?
The whole package.

Buck 01-28-2008 11:36 PM
I took 2 ****ing Nyquils 2 hours ago and Im still not tired.

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2cansam
why in the hell would you do that?
You'll have to forgive Meatpeeker (GOATSE). He's a closet homo. A mid-twenty's virgin living at home.

keg in kc 01-28-2008 11:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cro
I took 2 ****ing Nyquils 2 hours ago and Im still not tired.
Take 2 more with a jack daniels shooter.

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cro
I took 2 ****ing Nyquils 2 hours ago and Im still not tired.
Try reading the "what book are you reading" thread.

Delano 01-28-2008 11:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv
The whole package.
Awkward.

Buck 01-28-2008 11:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplex3
Try reading the "what book are you reading" thread.
I just want to go to sleep, not end up in a coma.

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cro
I just want to go to sleep, not end up in a coma.
LMAO

luv 01-28-2008 11:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delano
Awkward.
Geez. I can't compliment anyone anymore?

2cansam 01-28-2008 11:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplex3
You'll have to forgive Meatpeeker (GOATSE). He's a closet homo. A mid-twenty's virgin living at home.
LMAO i wondered but didn't want to ask.

i'm off here. thanks for the entertainment. i'm sure i'll be around for more.

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:41 PM
Speaking of sleep, I have a brand new $3000 mattress upstairs that I'm going to go use. F**ker was just delivered today. Made out of solid latex, all environmentally friendly and s**t. Woot.

Sadly the wife is sick or I could have broken it in right tonight.

You know, by jumping on it.

Buck 01-28-2008 11:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplex3
Speaking of sleep, I have a brand new $3000 mattress upstairs that I'm going to go use. F**ker was just delivered today. Made out of solid latex, all environmentally friendly and s**t. Woot.

Sadly the wife is sick or I could have broken it in right tonight.

You know, by jumping on it.
Do you have some 1000ct thread sheets?

Delano 01-28-2008 11:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv
Geez. I can't compliment anyone anymore?
Umm, I think you just complimented his frank and beans. "The whole package." Not just the frank, not just the beans, but the whooole package. :p

Simplex3 01-28-2008 11:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cro
Do you have some 1000ct thread sheets?
How the f**k would I know? My d**k is still attached. It precludes me from even understanding what the hell you're asking there.

luv 01-28-2008 11:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delano
Umm, I think you just complimented his frank and beans. "The whole package." Not just the frank, not just the beans, but the whooole package. :p
Men. :shake:

I meant looks plus personality.


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