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-   Hall of Classics (https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/forumdisplay.php?f=32)
-   -   The Top 101 CP Posters of 2014 Part 2 Presented by SNR (https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=285403)

Pasta Little Brioni 09-03-2014 03:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pablo (Post 10876596)
I'd like to see where we're at, but I'm kind of lazy and don't want to filter through posts.

An updated header would be nice, but I see PGM can't be counted on to do his small part in this thing.
Yeah I only came up with the idea, but yeah besides that...

TribalElder 09-03-2014 04:12 PM
The list might be finished by the end of the year

The season starts in about 24 hours

RealSNR 09-03-2014 07:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by KC native (Post 10876590)
So...........when is the next roast?
I'll do one tonight if you shut the **** up

KC native 09-03-2014 07:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SNR (Post 10877157)
I'll do one tonight if you shut the **** up
There might be a problem then.....

RealSNR 09-03-2014 07:20 PM
PGM, I could really use some help with a roast or two down this stretch. The easy ones are okay, but the ones where I have to look up threads started or posts made because I really don't know any ****ing thing to roast the guy on are getting very very tiring.

This goes out to anybody and everybody. If you ever wanted to try writing a roast, please let me know and I'll give you a name or two.

Dayze 09-03-2014 07:24 PM
LMAO
take one for the team KC Native . STFU!!!

Bowser 09-03-2014 07:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SNR (Post 10877207)
PGM, I could really use some help with a roast or two down this stretch. The easy ones are okay, but the ones where I have to look up threads started or posts made because I really don't know any ****ing thing to roast the guy on are getting very very tiring.

This goes out to anybody and everybody. If you ever wanted to try writing a roast, please let me know and I'll give you a name or two.
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/xB2lx2XD8hs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Pasta Little Brioni 09-03-2014 08:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SNR (Post 10877207)
PGM, I could really use some help with a roast or two down this stretch. The easy ones are okay, but the ones where I have to look up threads started or posts made because I really don't know any ****ing thing to roast the guy on are getting very very tiring.

This goes out to anybody and everybody. If you ever wanted to try writing a roast, please let me know and I'll give you a name or two.
Just let me know which names and I will find the right person for the roast.

RealSNR 09-03-2014 11:21 PM
35. Fire Me Boy!

http://blogs.westword.com/cafesociet...i%20douche.jpg

Whatcha guys making tonight?

My wife's been working really hard lately and work has been stressing her out. I decided to do something nice tonight and make her favorite dish-- Fire Me Boy! flambé over an AIDS salad.

You'll need:

1 fresh douchebag, bone in
8 oz. all-natural hipster semen
1 can of Laz menstruation
2 scoops of gay
salt
pepper

Now, the tricky part is you gotta have a high-quality douchebag to pull this meal off correctly. If you want to be lazy by going to Walmart and picking up frozen LA Chieffan or even CoMoChief, be my guest, but don't blame me when your douchebag gets over-reeruned. The problem with frozen douchebags is that the stocking process dries out the fat and bald goatee cells, leaving no natural juices or flavors to circulate throughout the douchebag during the roasting process. Your douchebag should be fresh, white-skinned, and somewhere around its mid 30s-40s. The best Fire Me Boy! will think it's clever and witty like Rain Man, but in reality it has neither the intelligence nor the money. A good way to find out if it meets that standard is if it owns a cat and can't afford a BMW, so it instead drives a Miata. This one here looks just perfect.

Real Fire Me Boy! is smug and sanctimonious. You want it to be a grammar Nazi in a totally non-funny way. That's why we're going to let it marinate in its own douchiness. Coat it in the hipster semen and store it in a food thread for 2-3 months during the offseason. Now, I had to look up if Fire Me Boy! is a reference to anything, and it turns out it's a line from The Tick. That explains why hipster semen seems to give it that nice glossy douche finish.

Take it out of the food thread just in time for football season. When the Chiefs appear to be ripe for losing, go ahead and open the can of Laz menstruation by insulting Alex Smith and Eric Fisher. Add the blood to the douchebag and bake in the Media Center forum. When it starts talking to you about Akira Kurosawa films, take it out and set it aside in the Lounge for an hour. If you're patient enough, the douchebag should have mixed well with the hipster and Laz sauce at the bottom of the pan. Some really fine stupid cat stories are in that mixture, so save it!

I like to make a reduction out of it. It brings out all the unlikable traits of the douche that way. I can just picture the Fire Me Boy! pointing out all the missed commas in this very post! Mmmm. Then toss in the two scoops of gay to the reduction, and voila! Your AIDS salad is done! Just top it with the slices of douchebag.

Serves the 4-6 dumbasses who will comment, "I like Fire Me Boy! He's a good dude!" in this thread.

Pasta Little Brioni 09-03-2014 11:29 PM
Best one yet ROFL ROFL ROFL holy shit!

Hammock Parties 09-03-2014 11:29 PM
LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO

****ing killed it. My god I'm in tears.

crazycoffey 09-04-2014 12:09 AM
I like fire me boy, he's a good dude!


Wait, wha........?

RealSNR 09-04-2014 12:10 AM
Also, save that douchebag bone! Feed it to your Black Bob!

TimBone 09-04-2014 12:14 AM
SNR. You have a gift.

crazycoffey 09-04-2014 12:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TimBone (Post 10877982)
SNR. You have a gift.
If only he knew what it was, we'd never hear from him again........

Pablo 09-04-2014 03:57 AM
LMAO

That was perfect.

Fire Me Boy! 09-04-2014 05:05 AM
The Top 101 CP Posters of 2014 Part 2 Presented by SNR
 
ROFL

RealSNR 09-04-2014 11:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazycoffey (Post 10877985)
If only he knew what it was, we'd never hear from him again........
You're right and wrong. I actually can't fellate myself, but if I could, yes, you wouldn't hear from me ever again.

loochy 09-04-2014 11:57 AM
SNR's hard work in this thread is making a very good case for his inclusion in the top ten.

Frosty 09-04-2014 11:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SNR (Post 10878688)
You're right and wrong. I actually can't fellate myself, but if I could, yes, you wouldn't hear from me ever again.
NTTATWWT

Mav 09-04-2014 12:03 PM
Well Done!

Mr. Flopnuts 09-04-2014 12:23 PM
ROFL Wow! That was awesome!

Easy 6 09-04-2014 12:23 PM
Some real thought went into that one... :bravo:

Halfcan 09-04-2014 02:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SNR (Post 10877934)
35. Fire Me Boy!

http://blogs.westword.com/cafesociet...i%20douche.jpg

Whatcha guys making tonight?

My wife's been working really hard lately and work has been stressing her out. I decided to do something nice tonight and make her favorite dish-- Fire Me Boy! flambé over an AIDS salad.

You'll need:

1 fresh douchebag, bone in
8 oz. all-natural hipster semen
1 can of Laz menstruation
2 scoops of gay
salt
pepper

Now, the tricky part is you gotta have a high-quality douchebag to pull this meal off correctly. If you want to be lazy by going to Walmart and picking up frozen LA Chieffan or even CoMoChief, be my guest, but don't blame me when your douchebag gets over-reeruned. The problem with frozen douchebags is that the stocking process dries out the fat and bald goatee cells, leaving no natural juices or flavors to circulate throughout the douchebag during the roasting process. Your douchebag should be fresh, white-skinned, and somewhere around its mid 30s-40s. The best Fire Me Boy! will think it's clever and witty like Rain Man, but in reality it has neither the intelligence nor the money. A good way to find out if it meets that standard is if it owns a cat and can't afford a BMW, so it instead drives a Miata. This one here looks just perfect.

Real Fire Me Boy! is smug and sanctimonious. You want it to be a grammar Nazi in a totally non-funny way. That's why we're going to let it marinate in its own douchiness. Coat it in the hipster semen and store it in a food thread for 2-3 months during the offseason. Now, I had to look up if Fire Me Boy! is a reference to anything, and it turns out it's a line from The Tick. That explains why hipster semen seems to give it that nice glossy douche finish.

Take it out of the food thread just in time for football season. When the Chiefs appear to be ripe for losing, go ahead and open the can of Laz menstruation by insulting Alex Smith and Eric Fisher. Add the blood to the douchebag and bake in the Media Center forum. When it starts talking to you about Akira Kurosawa films, take it out and set it aside in the Lounge for an hour. If you're patient enough, the douchebag should have mixed well with the hipster and Laz sauce at the bottom of the pan. Some really fine stupid cat stories are in that mixture, so save it!

I like to make a reduction out of it. It brings out all the unlikable traits of the douche that way. I can just picture the Fire Me Boy! pointing out all the missed commas in this very post! Mmmm. Then toss in the two scoops of gay to the reduction, and voila! Your AIDS salad is done! Just top it with the slices of douchebag.

Serves the 4-6 dumbasses who will comment, "I like Fire Me Boy! He's a good dude!" in this thread.
ROFL Wow that is Classic!

milkman 09-04-2014 03:35 PM
That one actually made me chuckle.

htismaqe 09-04-2014 03:36 PM
ROFL. That was awesome.

ThaVirus 09-04-2014 04:08 PM
That one was pretty ingenious.

Hammock Parties 09-04-2014 04:45 PM
SNR is my choice to roast me now. None can compare to his grandeur. Also we are best buddies and he has all the inside info on my dumb ass so it is sure to be choice. So very choice.

SAUTO 09-04-2014 09:52 PM
He's on FIRE!!!
Posted via Mobile Device

Bowser 09-04-2014 10:11 PM
http://media.giphy.com/media/5ZosQz0wbTcCA/giphy.gif

RealSNR 09-05-2014 09:56 PM
34. Hootie 2.0

http://www.nndb.com/people/453/000025378/bsaget2-sm.jpg

Hootie's had his problems with people on this forum. He even made frazod go ****ing crazy (okay... craziER) and invent that horrifically unfunny Pootie ranking system. How could that even happen? Let's look at his history. It's basically a long chronology of douchebag activities from a college dropout who still wants to be a giant bro:
  • Hootie ****ing loved Damon Huard the year he filled in for Trent Green's concussion.
  • Hootie twice ditched my fantasy football draft in a league with DJ's Left Nut, NZoner, Sofa King, Pestilence, Mr Flopnuts, OTW58, and numerous other elite CP socialites. So he could go ****ing bowling.
  • He acquired Ritalin so he could get paid to do an all-nighter and write a paper for a college buddy of his.
  • Multiple times.
  • While he was writing the paper, he would also spend time on Chiefs Planet talking about it.
  • He bragged about how good he was at waiting on people at restaurants. How he never once misplaced an order and didn't even use notepads. Apparently that's how you got 20%+ tips from cougars.
  • He also bragged about how funny his friends thought he was.
  • Something about revealing billay's personal information on Chiefs Planet? I mean, it's billay so who cares, but it's still kind of a douche move.
  • Trying to pay his way back onto the Planet. ****, that's a new one. I don't think GoChiefs even tried that one back when he was Eric Draven/Mr. T-Rex

I think that about covers the list. I can't think of anything else that makes him a douchebag.

Well, there's also this other rumor that surrounded him awhile ago. The one that goes something like... HOOTIE HAD SEX WITH A DRUNK AND PASSED OUT GIRL, WHICH IS BASICALLY RAPE.

But did that really happen? Is that the real story? Do any of you have evidence of this occurring? Has he even admitted that he HAD SEX WITH A DRUNK AND PASSED OUT GIRL, WHICH IS BASICALLY RAPE?

If you're going to tell me that HOOTIE HAD SEX WITH A DRUNK AND PASSED OUT GIRL, WHICH IS BASICALLY RAPE, then you better have some damn good evidence to support it. Those are bold claims you're making.

Hootie's my friend, and you can't just come in here all, "Hey SNR, HOOTIE HAD SEX WITH A DRUNK AND PASSED OUT GIRL, WHICH IS BASICALLY RAPE!" I won't allow it, and nor will I listen to it. Because even if it's true that HOOTIE HAD SEX WITH A DRUNK AND PASSED OUT GIRL, WHICH IS BASICALLY RAPE, he's a big enough Chiefs Planet celebrity that he should be our Jameis Winston.

You all don't have any evidence, and the authorities haven't taken action on anything. Nobody probably even remembers this incident of discussion that came up awhile ago. So as far as you're all concerned, it is completely false that HOOTIE HAD SEX WITH A DRUNK AND PASSED OUT GIRL, WHICH IS BASICALLY RAPE.

Easy 6 09-05-2014 10:00 PM
ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL

Bugeater 09-05-2014 10:00 PM
It's not rape if she doesn't remember it happening.

Hammock Parties 09-05-2014 10:06 PM
My best Hootie story is how he gave me his number so we could finally meet at a tailgate last year before the Broncos game. He was gonna come out and meet all the CPers. He was texting me all weekend!

The morning of he never shows up, but texts me drunkenly several times from his hotel room, where he can barely get off the ****ing bathroom floor because he got so hammered at the casino the night before.

You make your parents proud, son.

Easy 6 09-05-2014 10:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bugeater (Post 10883523)
It's not rape if she doesn't remember it happening.
Just ask Cee Lo.

Mav 09-05-2014 10:09 PM
LMAO

The Franchise 09-05-2014 10:13 PM
ROFL

Direckshun 09-05-2014 10:26 PM
LMAO

That was like a ChiefsPlanet version of a Gilbert Gottfried routine.

Direckshun 09-05-2014 10:27 PM
My favorite Hootie story was when he was ****ing some girl and he popped her nuva ring in his mouth for no ****ing reason.

Good lord. What part of whose Hell is Hootie from.

Direckshun 09-05-2014 10:28 PM
Oh my god, then there was the time he dropped his pants to keep someone from beating him up.

Oh, man. There is no ****ing reason why Hootie shouldn't be in the Top 5.

Pasta Little Brioni 09-05-2014 10:51 PM
Oh shit it's someone's turn next...*gulp*

rico 09-05-2014 11:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pasta Giant Meatball (Post 10883607)
Oh shit it's someone's turn next...*gulp*
Are you getting roasted next?

Direckshun 09-06-2014 12:00 AM
I'm pretty sure it's always someone's turn next. Until you get to #1, anyway.

Hootie 09-06-2014 12:11 AM
Well, I certainly never gave out anyone's personal information, not even billays...Not sure where you pulled that one

Hootie 09-06-2014 12:12 AM
And it's never rape if your fingers are crossed

Direckshun 09-06-2014 12:16 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hootie 2.0 (Post 10883707)
Well, I certainly never gave out anyone's personal information, not even billays...Not sure where you pulled that one
Not crazycoffey's?

RealSNR 09-06-2014 12:16 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hootie 2.0 (Post 10883707)
Well, I certainly never gave out anyone's personal information, not even billays...Not sure where you pulled that one
Eh, I can't tell all you perpetually banned people apart. I know Frankie tried to sue Chiefs Planet. You don't seem like the type to resort to death threats. So I'm left with the privacy thing.

Because your little spat with Gonzo isn't good enough material.

rico 09-06-2014 12:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Direckshun (Post 10883696)
I'm pretty sure it's always someone's turn next. Until you get to #1, anyway.
PGM may be a solipsistic type.... I think it's him coming up next.

rico 09-06-2014 12:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SNR (Post 10883717)
Eh, I can't tell all you perpetually banned people apart. I know Frankie tried to sue Chiefs Planet. You don't seem like the type to resort to death threats. So I'm left with the privacy thing.

Because your little spat with Gonzo isn't good enough material.
What was the Hootie vs. Gonzo spat all about?

TimBone 09-06-2014 12:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Direckshun (Post 10883576)
My favorite Hootie story was when he was ****ing some girl and he popped her nuva ring in his mouth for no ****ing reason.

Good lord. What part of whose Hell is Hootie from.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Direckshun (Post 10883577)
Oh my god, then there was the time he dropped his pants to keep someone from beating him up.

Oh, man. There is no ****ing reason why Hootie shouldn't be in the Top 5.
Hahahahaha...yes. These stories are what makes Hootie great. Easily a top ten poster. One of the most entertaining people on this board.

Nobody can drive a thread like Hootie or clay.

RealSNR 09-06-2014 12:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by rico (Post 10883727)
What was the Hootie vs. Gonzo spat all about?
Hootie had a point to make about how most of the top people in reputation points were undeserving and not actually the best posters on Chiefs Planet. His prime example was Gonzo and Lumpy, who were both in the top 10.

Gonzo ended the back and forth by saying, "Fine, Hootie. You're apparently the only person deserving of the top spot in reputation, so I just gave you max reputation. You're now #1. You happy?"

Hootie 09-06-2014 12:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Direckshun (Post 10883716)
Not crazycoffey's?
I thought we were talking about me digging up phone numbers and the like?

Hootie 09-06-2014 12:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by rico (Post 10883727)
What was the Hootie vs. Gonzo spat all about?
Not sure I ever had real beef with him...he closed the thread that sparked this thread from last year for no real reason and ta da...

Now these are a thing.

rico 09-06-2014 12:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SNR (Post 10883739)
Hootie had a point to make about how most of the top people in reputation points were undeserving and not actually the best posters on Chiefs Planet. His prime example was Gonzo and Lumpy, who were both in the top 10.

Gonzo ended the back and forth by saying, "Fine, Hootie. You're apparently the only person deserving of the top spot in reputation, so I just gave you max reputation. You're now #1. You happy?"
Oh ok... I remember that. Was that in the K.C. Tattoo roast?

Hootie 09-06-2014 12:38 AM
Meh. I no longer participate in rep. Everyone can rep whore away for all I care :)

rico 09-06-2014 01:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hootie 2.0 (Post 10883751)
Meh. I no longer participate in rep. Everyone can rep whore away for all I care :)
I've kind of taken the same path. I post a lot more from my phone now and it is a bitch trying to rep people from it. I did give 2 reps tonight...the first I've given in probably over a month. I sometimes forget about it altogether.

crazycoffey 09-06-2014 05:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth (Post 10883538)
My best Hootie story is how he gave me his number so we could finally meet at a tailgate last year before the Broncos game. He was gonna come out and meet all the CPers. He was texting me all weekend!

The morning of he never shows up, but texts me drunkenly several times from his hotel room, where he can barely get off the ****ing bathroom floor because he got so hammered at the casino the night before.

You make your parents proud, son.
The game you and I hugged it out at? Man that could've been an epic day then, if only he would've came by.......

007 09-06-2014 05:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by vailpass (Post 10854640)
Substitute "GoChiefs" for "Luv" and it's spot on. Jesus dude, supposed to be a roast not a thinly veiled autobiography...
ROFL

007 09-06-2014 05:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcellus (Post 10856036)
Holy shit that's true. Has anyone ever seen Clay and Luv in the same place at the same time?
yes and I have proof.:thumb:

007 09-06-2014 06:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SNR (Post 10877934)
35. Fire Me Boy!

http://blogs.westword.com/cafesociet...i%20douche.jpg

Whatcha guys making tonight?

My wife's been working really hard lately and work has been stressing her out. I decided to do something nice tonight and make her favorite dish-- Fire Me Boy! flambé over an AIDS salad.

You'll need:

1 fresh douchebag, bone in
8 oz. all-natural hipster semen
1 can of Laz menstruation
2 scoops of gay
salt
pepper

Now, the tricky part is you gotta have a high-quality douchebag to pull this meal off correctly. If you want to be lazy by going to Walmart and picking up frozen LA Chieffan or even CoMoChief, be my guest, but don't blame me when your douchebag gets over-reeruned. The problem with frozen douchebags is that the stocking process dries out the fat and bald goatee cells, leaving no natural juices or flavors to circulate throughout the douchebag during the roasting process. Your douchebag should be fresh, white-skinned, and somewhere around its mid 30s-40s. The best Fire Me Boy! will think it's clever and witty like Rain Man, but in reality it has neither the intelligence nor the money. A good way to find out if it meets that standard is if it owns a cat and can't afford a BMW, so it instead drives a Miata. This one here looks just perfect.

Real Fire Me Boy! is smug and sanctimonious. You want it to be a grammar Nazi in a totally non-funny way. That's why we're going to let it marinate in its own douchiness. Coat it in the hipster semen and store it in a food thread for 2-3 months during the offseason. Now, I had to look up if Fire Me Boy! is a reference to anything, and it turns out it's a line from The Tick. That explains why hipster semen seems to give it that nice glossy douche finish.

Take it out of the food thread just in time for football season. When the Chiefs appear to be ripe for losing, go ahead and open the can of Laz menstruation by insulting Alex Smith and Eric Fisher. Add the blood to the douchebag and bake in the Media Center forum. When it starts talking to you about Akira Kurosawa films, take it out and set it aside in the Lounge for an hour. If you're patient enough, the douchebag should have mixed well with the hipster and Laz sauce at the bottom of the pan. Some really fine stupid cat stories are in that mixture, so save it!

I like to make a reduction out of it. It brings out all the unlikable traits of the douche that way. I can just picture the Fire Me Boy! pointing out all the missed commas in this very post! Mmmm. Then toss in the two scoops of gay to the reduction, and voila! Your AIDS salad is done! Just top it with the slices of douchebag.

Serves the 4-6 dumbasses who will comment, "I like Fire Me Boy! He's a good dude!" in this thread.
****ing outstanding!!!!

bevischief 09-06-2014 06:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guru (Post 10883836)
yes and I have proof.:thumb:
Same here.

loochy 09-06-2014 07:18 AM
Wait wait wait wait hold on

Hootie.....

.... LIKED DAMON HUARD?

WTF?! THAT'S WORLD THAN HOOTIE HAVING SEX WITH A DRUNK AND PASSED OUT GIRL, WHICH IS BASICALLY RAPE.

Hootie 09-06-2014 07:37 AM
He gave us a better chance to win than Trent Green did that year. That was my stance. At no point did I ever think he was a good QB by any means.

Pasta Little Brioni 09-06-2014 07:51 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by rico (Post 10883691)
Are you getting roasted next?
Handbanana is coming for me soon

Dave Lane 09-06-2014 08:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pasta Giant Meatball (Post 10883913)
Handbanana is coming for me soon
Get the OP updated you stinking true fan!

Pasta Little Brioni 09-06-2014 08:10 AM
Got another busy weekend! Delayed again...ugh

Pasta Little Brioni 09-06-2014 10:24 AM
teh list is fully updated

loochy 09-06-2014 10:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pasta Giant Meatball (Post 10884078)
teh list is fully updated
Yaaaaay good job

NewChief 09-06-2014 10:47 AM
The FMB roast is a work of art. Seriously.

Pasta Little Brioni 09-06-2014 10:50 AM
Yup the FMB roast is my favorite of both years

Hootie 09-06-2014 12:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewChief (Post 10884123)
The FMB roast is a work of art. Seriously.
That one was Saul Good caliber

luv 09-07-2014 04:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Count Zarth (Post 10854626)
39. luv

http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/200...nell17_135.jpg

Is this Chiefsplanet or facebook? I can't tell. Especially with luv around. You know that luv will always let us know what is going on in her pathetic, perpetually single existence. Even if we don't ****ing care. Especially if we don't ****ing care. Nobody else does, so dammit, we're going to.

What's luv up to today? Is she being seduced into craptastic sexual rendezvous with dirtbags via shitty sports drinks? Who wouldn't be? Is she trying to dream that impossible dream of a Springfield Chiefs-watching get together to fill the gargantuan, lonely crater of a social void in her life? Always. Is she currently living her "working girl" dream and moving up in the corporate world by filing TPS reports and stapling things for lawyers? LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON THIS GIRL. DOIN' IT HER WAY!!!!!

We all know the story of how luv found Chiefsplanet. One lonely night, surrounded by her cats, wearing a disgusting, unwashed nightie that could double as a bedsheet, hopped up on mountain dew and cheetos, she decided she was feeling "frisky." This was back when luv was a horrible hambeast (more on that epic ****ing tale of yo-yo dieting, tears and the inevitable skin sails later), so she decided to lower her standards since she hadn't been laid since high school.

Verily, she googled the following phrase: "fat, bald, goatee'd pervert."

Something about the Chiefs popped up. So luv, living in Springfield, the worst town in America (a perfect place for her), clicked. Maybe she could find a Chiefs loving guy with low standards! A real connection could be made.

Luv didn't know ANYTHING about football. Just that men liked it. So, she thought...if men like it, I could like it, and maybe they'd like me! The plot was hatched.

Luv logged on as "luv2rite" and quickly identified herself as a football-loving female. Instantly she was a huge hit with the horny, undersexed, white knights of Chiefsplanet. They wanted to teach her EVERYTHING about football.

So she learned a lot of stuff and annoyed us and showed up at tailgates and yes, she scored! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Endelt260 was so horrified by his sexual encounter with "pre-JennyCraig" luv that he has never returned to this place. His loss, because now luv is ONE SMOKIN' HOT BABE!

Did you know that? Did you know she lost weight? Yes, after years of trying, "luv2eat" turned into "luv2lift" and eventually "luv2phoenix." Verily, she has risen from the lard-covered ashes of her old life. It only took her 12 years and 10,000 blog entires about how THIS TIME she was going to finally lose weight. But she did, so good job, honey. We knew we could shame you into it.

Luv is really excited now. After figuring out that her personal trainer (the first male to give her regular attention since her dentist) was never going to **** her, she reactivated her OKCupid account and changed her body type to "curvy." Then she uploaded new photos of herself looking like an actual human being!

The messages flooded her inbox like velveeta used to flood down her gullet. The shopping spree for cute outfits was epic, though the nervous breakdown when she passed the big and tall section resulted in an embarrassing public scene. But never you mind! Black men everywhere wanted a piece of dat ass now. Luv felt like a woman again! And now it is her prerogative to have a little fun. Go totally crazy. Forget she's not a lady. Whoa oh oh!

Now she can finally find a man, get married, pop out some kids, get fat again, get divorced, inherit half of some poor bastard's life savings and start thinking about getting a dog, who WILL NEVER LEAVE HER.

And we'll hear all about it, I assure you. Luv will NEVER stop telling us about. Make sure you contribute at least $20 to her future kickstarter campaign to pay for her body contouring procedure, or luv will never realize her lifelong dream of wearing sleeveless garments.
I, sir, am honored. Well done. I also don't think there's another poster more qualified to write my roast.

To those who doubt my all time greatness worthiness...well, you must be new here.

luv 09-07-2014 04:47 PM
Also, how did you know my middle name is Laverne? Impressive.

Rausch 09-07-2014 04:48 PM
I felt like today was one giant roast aimed at me...

Rausch 09-07-2014 04:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv (Post 10890914)
Also, how did you know my middle name is Laverne? Impressive.
You look nothing like Shirley...

rico 09-07-2014 04:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rausch (Post 10890916)
I felt like today was one giant roast aimed at me...
You are so self-centered.

luv 09-07-2014 04:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rausch (Post 10890918)
You look nothing like Shirley...
Must've been the cursive L on all of my shirts.

Pasta Little Brioni 09-09-2014 08:34 AM
Luv killed the thread :)...or was it the Chiefs shit show?

RealSNR 09-09-2014 10:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pasta Giant Meatball (Post 10896507)
Luv killed the thread :)...or was it the Chiefs shit show?
Mostly Chiefs shit show.

I'll get back to roasting soon.

loochy 09-16-2014 11:08 AM
HEY, REMEMBER THIS THREAD? THE LAST POST WAS A WEEK AGO!

A WEEK!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT CAN HAPPEN IN A WEEK!

A LOT, THAT'S WHAT!

33 more members to go


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