what the **** happened last night?

ambien

I was grilling out today at 8:30 this morning,

Sunday night drinking makes for Monday morning headache.

I am a dull and simple lad
Cannot tell water from champagne
and I have never met the Queen
And I wish I could have all he has got -
I wish I could be like David Watts

And when I lie on my pillow at night
I dream I could fight like David Watts
And lead the school team to victory
Take my exams and pass the lot

He is the head boy at the school
He is the captain of the team
His is so gay and fancy free
And I wish I could have all he has got
I wish I could be like David Watts

And all the girls in the neighbourhood
Try to go out with David Watts
They try their best but can't succeed
For he is of pure and noble breed

Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fal...

Things could be worse, Luv...

You could have woke up wondering why your ass hurt with a weird smell in the room and a goat in your backyard.

Always look at the bright side.

it would definitely be worse waking up in a place that has a back yard since i live in an apartment. :)
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You know what concerns me a bit? It's the fact that out of all those options you could have been worried about, you picked waking up at someone else's house as #1.
It should go like this:
1. Ass pain
2. Goat in back yard
3. Location
4. Weird smell

Priorities, reassess them asap. :D
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ROFL

I'm thinking ass pain would be more of a priority for you than it would be me.

That's worth two in the bush.

Male or female goat?

ROFL Yeah, but, nevermind.

I...Uhhhhh... I'm not sure how to take this.
Have you grown accustomed to said unplanned ass pain? If so, this shows you in a far different light.
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LMAO

;)
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Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."


Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

The old man said, "I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"

Strange thoughts run through your head the first time a chick tells you "make me your cum dumpster!"

The first being this bitch is a dude, followed by aids, herpes, and pregnancy.

Who chose the graphics for ABCs new fall line up
it looks like it's getting spayed with piss

finger banging is lots of fun but toe banging doesn't get enough air time. fuck you hallmark i think it would sell.

dirty robin fucker

caption this pic.


why wont my parakeet eat my diarrhea?

caption this pic.

why did the neighbors chipmunk give my parrot gonorrhea?

hey that bird gots two peckers

two-peckered birds usually life in or around baltimore .. one attached the other in their mouth

i saw that on the news. i hope they vote them 2 pricked bastards out of office!

Directv has a Hustler channel for $40 a month
they better reach through the screen and give a hand job
for that kinda scratch

What the hell is going on? In the past 2 months 7 people I know have gotten engaged (all separate engagements).

You rang, sweet cheeks?

http://media.gamerevolution.com/imag...est-batman.jpg

Just watching the Dodgers/Padres game. Dodgers down 4-0 in the top of the 8th, 2 men on and 1 out. Dodgers send John Lindsey into the on-deck circle for his first major league at bat. He's 33 years old and spent 15 years in the minors for this.

Padres change pitchers and Torre pinch hits for Lindsey with Andre Ethier, who promptly grounds into a double play. Lindsey's first AB is not an AB.

The Dodgers should just demote him now.

a little tidbit I learned this week..... the US loses 70,000,000$ each year making the penny

last saturday i got me one of those marriage things, and i'd only been engaged three days.
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Can you imagine the rush...heart beat...f'n this is it, lock it in, thought process? Only to have friggin 'Skip give you the high sign and sit your ass back on the bench! Unreal...Lindsey's just another word for punked!!

I have a tab thats been open for hours ands its on google searching the word bitches...




.... :spock: Why the hell was I searching "bitches"?

Jeter's a cheater. **** the Yanks.

Chiefs won Monday night...

Technically, they won Tuesday morning.

Justice is served... for the moment.

The Rays, once again, the best team in baseball. :thumb:

I don't get it. Why is that picture titled "GHEY"? Compared size-wise to the "body", I would think it would be titled "LUCKY MOTHER****ER!". :shrug:

And I'm sure the stadium's still mostly empty.

Tampa, Miami, and San Diego: their slogans should be, "Move here! The weather's so nice, you'll never give a shit about sports again!"

You forgot LA...

29,733 at last night's game.

ROFL

Congratulations bevischief for breaking 5,000 posts!

There's two types of people in the world. The people who know enough not to knock on the bathroom door and talk to you while you're dropping a deuce, and women.

Great day. Great friends!

Watching to see if Garza will throw at Jeter.

Or at least act like he did.ROFL

LMAO

Now Posada faked being hit by a pitch and got the call. This is getting ridiculous. Time to start throwing at these ****ers heads.

I havent posted forever. I havent even lurked in a long time. Whats the state of the planet?

Nothing like a good old fashioned bean ball!
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in Islam they say assalamu alaikum, say wa alaikum asalaam
That’s no Oscar Mayer bacon, you should run and tell your moms

Technically you only busted around 2k. Single replies w/ LMAO or ROFL don't count. Regardless, rock on! :thumb:

Maybe not quite that many...;)

I saw some fool on the way to work today with personalized license plate that said THERAPE.

All I could think of was snl/Sean connery/jeopardy. I was LMAO, what a moron.
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:LOL:

There is a guy who works in my building that has a personalized license plate that reads....

CNTSJAG

For the life of me....all I can think of is ****'s Jag.

Worthless without pics...LMAO

I know! I was on the highway though so couldn't snap any. It was a gray corvette if that helps the visual.
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Watching 4th Kind again... Always weird dreams after watching it before bed...

Watch out for owls in your dreams...

The following rep message was just left for me:

I really tried hard not to fall off my bike but then kevin gave me sixty cents to go to the store so i was going to but then mom had crazy butt sex with my brother during the season finale of supernatural.


That's a head-scratcher.
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wow wtf?:clap:

Why do some people wear their shirt tucked in without wearing a belt? A hot chick in dress pants can get away with it, but other girls and dudes can't.

When you are hot you can get away with anything.

I don't know about "anything" but what you can get away with definitely has a positive correlation with hotness.

http://www.tabloidprodigy.com/wp-con...-peta-dong.png
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Yesterday I tweeted that Twitter was going to make a movie like facebook, but in the middle a whale appears on screen and it says the theater is over capacity. It got retweeted a few times and then Twitter deleted it. I didn't know Twitter monitored stuff like the gestapo.

You know, it's a sorry state of affairs in the United States of America when FAT women
can get away with thinking they are AT ALL ATTRACTIVE TO MEN IN ANY WAY.

When I think FAT I think... lazy.

When I think FAT I think.... stupid

When I think FAT I think....why even waste my time?

I generally think ANYTHING BUT ATTRACTIVE when I think of a FAT woman.

Someone please tell me.. what is it in the mind of a FAT woman that lets her even remotely think that men are attracted to that?

I mean really.

Honestly.

Truly.

Do you really WANT a FAT woman?

I don't think so.

Does anyone really WANT a FAT woman?

I don't think so.

Can't we just call a spade a spade?

That means, if you're FAT can't you just say "I'm FAT!!!"?

Women who say things like I'm a BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMAN or "BBW" are
just somehow completely ****ing insane and inescapably living on some other planet if they think
that men are AT ALL attracted to FAT women.

They are not.

The only thing worse than being FAT and NOT KNOWING it, is being FAT and being PROUD of it.

GOD HOW I HATE THAT.

That reads like the author was spurned by a bebedubya.
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I just wanted to bump this pic, because it's one of the greatest pics of all time.

Trying to get random thoughts out of my head.

Dildo

I was at the Legends for lunch and I was the only one wearing Chiefs gear? What the heck?

watching the The Monster Squad tonight.

Spirit Airlines sucks dick. $30 for a carry-on bag! :eek:

i dont have random thoughts, random thoughts have me in a sexy speedo watching glee with a handfull of lotion and a used matchbook.