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-   -   Life ***** Official NEW Dating Mega Thread, Part 2 ***** (https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=293622)

Skyy God 08-17-2015 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 11665215)
Hah.

Alright, guys. It's bad enough he got dumped by a hog. No need to rub it in his face.

Which is why you should never date fat chicks. They're just as likely to break off a relationship as skinny and/or hot ones, and it's extra humiliating when they do so.

KC native 08-17-2015 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cave Johnson (Post 11665380)
Which is why you should never date fat chicks. They're just as likely to break off a relationship as skinny and/or hot ones, and it's extra humiliating when they do so.

LMAO

Al Bundy 08-17-2015 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DiaperBoy27 (Post 11659588)
I know this thread is typically for "did you get your dick wet" comments, but my ex is driving me nuts. She ended it a few weeks ago but it was kind of mutual - we had been fighting constantly.

Now she won't leave me the hell alone. I blocked her from my phone, facebook, and ipad. This angered her. Now she is sending emails to all my accounts saying I was the best, she can't believe its over, she will never love anyone like she did me, she wants to run to me but can't. All ending with "sigh, goodbye". This is utter insanity, but always gives me the impression she wants to work things out, and then suddenly reinforces the breakup.

Its almost like she can sense I have a date tonight and wants to screw with my head.

My ex-wife did that after I left her. After a while all that turned to hatred, even to the point when I signed up for Facebook in 2008 she was the first or second person to try and add me and when I refused, she sent me a message telling me how much she hated me and how happy she was with her current whatever the **** he was. I really have only heard from her a couple of times since then.

Al Bundy 08-17-2015 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 11624507)
I recently saw a girl I used to have a thing for when we were teenagers. It was from way back when I lived in another state so we've barely talked and haven't seen each other in about 5 years or so. She's got a boyfriend who she has a child with and they live together.

I had been up there for a few days and we saw each other a couple times. Nothing happened.

About a month after I came back home she called me randomly one day and told me she had just found out that her boyfriend had been cheating for months, at least. She went on to basically say that it was really hard for her not to "do anything" with me while I was up there and that she wouldn't have stopped herself had she known prior to me leaving.

It's important to note that this conversation took place about a month ago.

................... She's now engaged to be married to the guy.

Recipe for wonderful long engagement.

Titty Meat 08-17-2015 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cave Johnson (Post 11665380)
Which is why you should never date fat chicks. They're just as likely to break off a relationship as skinny and/or hot ones, and it's extra humiliating when they do so.

I forgot this is CP where everyone bangs 9s and 10s

ThaVirus 08-17-2015 10:14 AM

LMAO

We're just ****ing with you, Billay. Take the stick out of your ass.

Titty Meat 08-17-2015 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 11665428)
LMAO

We're just ****ing with you, Billay. Take the stick out of your ass.

Lol I'm at work dealing with angry people today isn't a good day. I do appreciate your comments though makes me feel like I settled and can do better.

Skyy God 08-17-2015 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Billay (Post 11665426)
I forgot this is CP where everyone bangs 9s and 10s

Not a knock on you, brah, I just hate fat chicks.

Bowser 08-17-2015 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Billay (Post 11665437)
Lol I'm at work dealing with angry people today isn't a good day. I do appreciate your comments though makes me feel like I settled and can do better.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2AB9zPfXqQQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

KC native 08-17-2015 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cave Johnson (Post 11665458)
Not a knock on you, brah, I just hate fat chicks.

Why? did you get Billay'ed by one?

Skyy God 08-17-2015 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC native (Post 11665475)
Why? did you get Billay'ed by one?

Nope, just sizeist.

Pasta Little Brioni 08-17-2015 04:14 PM

Bet ya billay either didn't tell his buds about her or never let them meet her.

Al Bundy 08-17-2015 04:28 PM

Dating a fat chick is like riding a moped, it's all fun until your buddies see you on one.

RobBlake 08-17-2015 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Al Bundy (Post 11666182)
Dating a fat chick is like riding a moped, it's all fun until your buddies see you on one.

but they give the best blowjobs. Science.

ThaVirus 08-17-2015 05:05 PM

I've never received a mind-blowing blowjob, even from a fatty. The blowies I've received have done the job in getting me hard and generally feel good (obvi, my dick is in a chick's mouth), but I can't even come from them unless I make an effort.

What am I missing out on?

RobBlake 08-17-2015 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Predarat (Post 11665239)
Whale, Hippo, Elephant Ass, Fatty Toad, Wal Mart Cart Rider, Blimp, Lardass, Hogbeast. This is ChiefsPlanet, we can think of even more then that.

Streetbeast, straight outta insulin, sack of fat, stretchy skin..

Discuss Thrower 08-17-2015 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 11666271)
I've never received a mind-blowing blowjob, even from a fatty. The blowies I've received have done the job in getting me hard and generally feel good (obvi, my dick is in a chick's mouth), but I can't even come from them unless I make an effort.

What am I missing out on?

It's a difference from finishing via raw dogging it.. That's for sure. Not any better or worse, but popping in a girl's mouth is a pretty good feeling.

KCUnited 08-17-2015 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 11666271)
I've never received a mind-blowing blowjob, even from a fatty. The blowies I've received have done the job in getting me hard and generally feel good (obvi, my dick is in a chick's mouth), but I can't even come from them unless I make an effort.

What am I missing out on?

They've gotten lazy because there's obviously dudes out there that will date them just for hanging around.

RobBlake 08-17-2015 05:08 PM

ROFLROFL
Quote:

Originally Posted by Cunning Linguist (Post 11665071)
FYP because fat


ThaVirus 08-17-2015 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KCUnited (Post 11666279)
They've gotten lazy because there's obviously dudes out there that will date them just for hanging around.

LMAO Billay's ****ing up the program.

ThaVirus 08-17-2015 05:15 PM

Back when I was 18 I had this little Puerto Rican piece that LOVED to give head, although she wouldn't swallow. I swear that girl would suck my dick for a half hour with no breaks. I'll never forget one time we were just laying down watching TV and out of nowhere she's like "go shut the door and take your pants off". I was like daaaaamn, homie! Shit's. About. To. Go. Down.

She loved to give head and I loved that but the fact that she could slob on my knob for 30 minutes is probably a good indicator that it wasn't the best head.

RobBlake 08-17-2015 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 11666294)
Back when I was 18 I had this little Puerto Rican piece that LOVED to give head, although she wouldn't swallow. I swear that girl would suck my dick for a half hour with no breaks. I'll never forget one time we were just laying down watching TV and out of nowhere she's like "go shut the door and take your pants off". I was like daaaaamn, homie! Shit's. About. To. Go. Down.

She loved to give head and I loved that but the fact that she could slob on my knob for 30 minutes is probably a good indicator that it wasn't the best head.

did she get the ball sack tho.

ThaVirus 08-17-2015 05:19 PM

Nope, no ball play. You know those Hispanics don't like hand sports.

Discuss Thrower 08-17-2015 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 11666302)
Nope, no ball play. You know those Hispanics don't like hand sports.

None of the girls I've done stuff with are down with sucking, licking or even cradling the balls. It's a ****ing crime.

ThaVirus 08-17-2015 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discuss Thrower (Post 11666307)
None of the girls I've done stuff with are down with sucking, licking or even cradling the balls. It's a ****ing crime.

The extent of their ball knowledge probably ends at "that's their most vulnerable body part".

I bet most are too scared to even branch out to the sack in fear of hurting us.

Discuss Thrower 08-17-2015 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 11666314)
The extent of their ball knowledge probably ends at "that's their most vulnerable body part".

I bet most are too scared to even branch out to the sack in fear of hurting us.

I got my last girlfriend to caress my nuts post coitus at least twice. She got pissed any time I plied for it afterward.

ThaVirus 08-17-2015 05:26 PM

Hah.

Idk. I've had my balls sucked once. I can't say I see what all the fuss is about.

Titty Meat 08-17-2015 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pasta Giant Meatball (Post 11666145)
Bet ya billay either didn't tell his buds about her or never let them meet her.

Correct about never meeting them

eDave 08-17-2015 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 11666302)
Nope, no ball play. You know those Hispanics don't like hand sports.

Mine did. She really like my boys slapping her eyelids too. Miss her sometimes.

ThaVirus 08-17-2015 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eDave (Post 11666326)
Mine did. She really like my boys slapping her eyelids too. Miss her sometimes.

Ah, the ol' Arabian goggles, eh? She sounds like a keeper.

Hammock Parties 08-17-2015 05:55 PM

Jesus. Women can be so flaky. I very nearly got stood up tonight.

ThaVirus 08-17-2015 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stop, Chiefs (Post 11666384)
Jesus. Women can be so flaky. I very nearly got stood up tonight.


If she was about to stand you up why continue with the date?

Not judging either way, but you're all about your "**** yes or no" mantra lately.

Titty Meat 08-17-2015 06:06 PM

Clay ain't got no type bad bitches is the only thing he likes

Hammock Parties 08-17-2015 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 11666399)
If she was about to stand you up why continue with the date?

Not judging either way, but you're all about your "**** yes or no" mantra lately.

There was no date. We made plans, I texted her today to confirm and she's a ghost.

I was just gonna trust her and go out and meet at the place but...um...not now.

Don Corlemahomes 08-17-2015 06:09 PM

Why did Big Smoke get banned?

Hammock Parties 08-17-2015 06:10 PM

Oh crap, she just texted. LMAO

Eureka 08-17-2015 06:15 PM

I've been laying low for a bit. Dating has kinda worn me out.

I have a few women I'm talking to and I've been being so straight forward about how our time together is going to play out that they just say sure lets have fun and thanks for being honest.

Al Bundy 08-17-2015 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cunning Linguist (Post 11666409)
Why did Big Smoke get banned?

Uhhmm a racist cartoon, I believe.

PizzaDoughz 08-17-2015 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stop, Chiefs (Post 11666412)
Oh crap, she just texted. LMAO

And what did she say

eDave 08-17-2015 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PizzaDoughz (Post 11666511)
And what did she say

I think he's crying. Again.

KC native 08-17-2015 06:55 PM

Holy ****, some of you guys are missing the **** out.

You have got to learn how to talk to your woman about sex and what you want to do. Get her to watch some porn and learn. Women are just as big of freaks as guys are. You just have to know how to bring it up with each chick.

Everyone loves to bust a nut. If you ask her how to make her cum and you get the job done, then she will do almost anything you ask after that (there are exceptions).

KC native 08-17-2015 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RobBlake (Post 11666269)
but they give the best blowjobs. Science.

It's because they're always hungry. bc science bitch

KC native 08-17-2015 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KCUnited (Post 11666279)
They've gotten lazy because there's obviously dudes out there that will date them just for hanging around.

QFT LMAO

eDave 08-17-2015 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC native (Post 11666517)
Holy ****, some of you guys are missing the **** out.

You have got to learn how to talk to your woman about sex and what you want to do. Get her to watch some porn and learn. Women are just as big of freaks as guys are. You just have to know how to bring it up with each chick.

Everyone loves to bust a nut. If you ask her how to make her cum and you get the job done, then she will do almost anything you ask after that (there are exceptions).

Listen to this boys.

KC native 08-17-2015 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 11666302)
Nope, no ball play. You know those Hispanics don't like hand sports.

Not true. Mexicans love handball.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discuss Thrower (Post 11666307)
None of the girls I've done stuff with are down with sucking, licking or even cradling the balls. It's a ****ing crime.

Yes, yes it is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 11666314)
The extent of their ball knowledge probably ends at "that's their most vulnerable body part".

I bet most are too scared to even branch out to the sack in fear of hurting us.

A lot just don't know what to do. Get your girl a gay friend if you're uncomfortable telling her what to do.

DaNewGuy 08-17-2015 07:07 PM

KC Native dropping knowledge

Rudy tossed tigger's salad 08-17-2015 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC native (Post 11666535)

Get your girl a gay friend if you're uncomfortable telling her what to do.

So she can take some of their poppers? Not a bad idea at all

Hammock Parties 08-17-2015 07:40 PM

oh god, she was fat. i had a drink and left. thank god she didn't order anything. 10 mins and i up out that bitch.

eDave 08-17-2015 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stop, Chiefs (Post 11666607)
oh god, she was fat. i had a drink and left. thank god she didn't order anything. 10 mins and i up out that bitch.

That situation makes me cringe. Augh.

Hammock Parties 08-17-2015 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eDave (Post 11666613)
That situation makes me cringe. Augh.

yep. i also had no cash so i had that awkward "paying for my beer and leaving" 2 minutes. then i forgot to get my debit card back so i had to do a 180 and go back in. she was still sitting there. LMAO

DaNewGuy 08-17-2015 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stop, Chiefs (Post 11666618)
yep. i also had no cash so i had that awkward "paying for my beer and leaving" 2 minutes. then i forgot to get my debit card back so i had to do a 180 and go back in. she was still sitting there. LMAO

LMAO Clay you savage

Hammock Parties 08-17-2015 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaNewGuy (Post 11666623)
LMAO Clay you savage

Hey whatever. I owe a strange fat girl nothing.

eDave 08-17-2015 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stop, Chiefs (Post 11666618)
yep. i also had no cash so i had that awkward "paying for my beer and leaving" 2 minutes. then i forgot to get my debit card back so i had to do a 180 and go back in. she was still sitting there. LMAO

Lesson learned. Autostart the jeep too.

eDave 08-17-2015 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stop, Chiefs (Post 11666627)
Hey whatever. I owe a strange fat girl nothing.

If she presented herself as not fat and then proves to be fat, hell yes. Lying bitch.

DaNewGuy 08-17-2015 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stop, Chiefs (Post 11666627)
Hey whatever. I owe a strange fat girl nothing.

Hey I agreee with ya haha

Hammock Parties 08-17-2015 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eDave (Post 11666629)
Lesson learned. Autostart the jeep too.

The real lesson is "don't order shit" until your date arrives.

I'm pissed off that I'm $6.65 poorer tonight.

Discuss Thrower 08-17-2015 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stop, Chiefs (Post 11666665)
The real lesson is "don't order shit" until your date arrives.

I'm pissed off that I'm $6.65 poorer tonight.

We get the world we deserve.

Hammock Parties 08-17-2015 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discuss Thrower (Post 11666679)
We get the world we deserve.

Absolutely. Last time I go out with a girl who has one photo.

Rudy tossed tigger's salad 08-17-2015 08:08 PM

How fat?

Hammock Parties 08-17-2015 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rudy lost the toss (Post 11666696)
How fat?

Well, billay would probably have hit it...

Rudy tossed tigger's salad 08-17-2015 08:11 PM

For as much as your life sucked not too long ago, it amazes me how little empathy you have. It's spectrum-ish.

Hammock Parties 08-17-2015 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rudy lost the toss (Post 11666707)
For as much as your life sucked not too long ago, it amazes me how little empathy you have. It's spectrum-ish.

Why should I have empathy for a stranger who misrepresented themselves?

I was perfectly nice. I conversed with her for 10 minutes, told her I wasn't interested, and left.

Predarat 08-17-2015 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rudy lost the toss (Post 11666707)
For as much as your life sucked not too long ago, it amazes me how little empathy you have. It's spectrum-ish.

Just ask Billay how much empathy THEY have.

Rudy tossed tigger's salad 08-17-2015 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Predarat (Post 11666731)
Just ask Billay how much empathy THEY have.

Oh, no doubt. Women can be brutal

SPchief 08-17-2015 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stop, Chiefs (Post 11666722)
Why should I have empathy for a stranger who misrepresented themselves?

I was perfectly nice. I conversed with her for 10 minutes, told her I wasn't interested, and left.

Ding Ding Ding.

Hammock Parties 08-17-2015 08:20 PM

I've known women who weren't interested in me and they led me on and let me pay for everything.

I would have been ecstatic if those women had peaced out after 10 minutes.

Rudy tossed tigger's salad 08-17-2015 08:22 PM

I did misunderstand the 2-minutes of waiting on the check to be the entirety of the date. I'd say 8 minutes makes a difference. My bad.

Hammock Parties 08-17-2015 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rudy lost the toss (Post 11666751)
I did misunderstand the 2-minutes of waiting on the check to be the entirety of the date. I'd say 8 minutes makes a difference. My bad.

LMAO

Yeah that would have been really mean.

I sat there for 8 minutes drinking my beer and figuring out how the **** I was going to get out of there, sub-consciously begging the bartender to get the **** over here so I could ask for the check.

ThaVirus 08-17-2015 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC native (Post 11666517)
Holy ****, some of you guys are missing the **** out.

You have got to learn how to talk to your woman about sex and what you want to do. Get her to watch some porn and learn. Women are just as big of freaks as guys are. You just have to know how to bring it up with each chick.

Everyone loves to bust a nut. If you ask her how to make her cum and you get the job done, then she will do almost anything you ask after that (there are exceptions).


I have no problem talking to girls about sex. I actually love talking about sex. I could talk about sex all day, every day.

The issue is that about 99% of my sexual encounters have been one-nighters or very brief. I was a dog when I was younger.

But my ex, who I was with for 3+ years, had never watched a lick of porn. To this day she maintains that she's never seen any porn in her lifetime. Her head game isn't bad but she's just not as interested as she could be to perfecting her craft. Head to her is just something she has to do occasionally before sex to get warmed up.

Sometimes a guy just wants his dick sucked while he's watching TV, ya feel me?!?

Eureka 08-17-2015 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC native (Post 11666517)
Holy ****, some of you guys are missing the **** out.

You have got to learn how to talk to your woman about sex and what you want to do. Get her to watch some porn and learn. Women are just as big of freaks as guys are. You just have to know how to bring it up with each chick.

Everyone loves to bust a nut. If you ask her how to make her cum and you get the job done, then she will do almost anything you ask after that (there are exceptions).

^Good advice overall.

Women want to be romanced and generally aren't visual creatures like us guys. Thus porno is something that should be introduced long after you've undone her combo. I suggest some guys are better off talking about that after a few dates at least lol.

ThaVirus 08-17-2015 10:54 PM

***** Official NEW Dating Mega Thread, Part 2 *****
 
*on first date*

"I took the liberty of printing out some screenshots from my favorite porno. Here *draws huge John Madden circle* is some of the stuff I'm going to be expecting from you tonight. Don't forget to work the balls."

Pasta Little Brioni 08-17-2015 10:58 PM

New fantasy team: Clay ditched Billy's whale

Pasta Little Brioni 08-17-2015 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stop, Chiefs (Post 11666722)
Why should I have empathy for a stranger who misrepresented themselves?

I was perfectly nice. I conversed with her for 10 minutes, told her I wasn't interested, and left.

Yup I have no sympathy for the false advertisers. Let me guess she was "athletic and toned".....8 years ago

ThaVirus 08-17-2015 11:03 PM

ROFL Online dating has ruined you guys

Hammock Parties 08-17-2015 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pasta Giant Meatball (Post 11667164)
Yup I have no sympathy for the false advertisers. Let me guess she was "athletic and toned".....8 years ago

Actually her body type was "average" but she looked fairly athletic in the pic. Toned arms. Slim face.

I have no idea when that pic was taken but it wasn't this month. She walked in and I was like "surely that isn't her...." and then when she stared deeply into my eyes as if to say "hi stud" I realized I had stepped in dating dogshit.

Pasta Little Brioni 08-17-2015 11:16 PM

"That guy was a jerk" *Then texts date number 4 for the week.*

Discuss Thrower 08-17-2015 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus (Post 11667167)
ROFL Online dating has ruined you guys

Online dating for women has to be likened to a buffet.

The epitome of a guy with average looks, a healthy psyche and sound intellect and a great personality is the equivalent of a well prepared chicken.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with this cut of meat, but the person in the buffet line is going to pass up on the chicken because there could be a chance there's a damned good steak just a little bit down the line.

Eureka 08-17-2015 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stop, Chiefs (Post 11667171)
Actually her body type was "average" but she looked fairly athletic in the pic. Toned arms. Slim face.

I have no idea when that pic was taken but it wasn't this month. She walked in and I was like "surely that isn't her...." and then when she stared deeply into my eyes as if to say "hi stud" I realized I had stepped in dating dogshit.

Was it really that bad? You could've been a gentlemen and stuck it out. You have to give love a chance bro. She could've been the woman who puts your balls on a shelf and you let her get away!

Just settle already, you don't want to be single forever!

One of my first online dates last year, I had planned to meet up with a chic at a restaurant. As I walked in restaurant she was texting me that she was there. I look up at a bigger funky looking woman with blonde hair texting on on her phone and she looked at me and smiled. I was thinking oh NO that can't be her, my gut sunk and all of a sudden I get a tap on my shoulder and I turn around to this knock out blonde who smiles and says hello. That was a cool moment from oh NO to hell yeah and I hung out with that chic for 6months.

Online dating has it's moments

ThaVirus 08-17-2015 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eureka (Post 11667217)
Was it really that bad? You could've been a gentlemen and stuck it out. You have to give love a chance bro. She could've been the woman who puts your balls on a shelf and you let her get away!

Just settle already, you don't want to be single forever!

One of my first online dates last year, I had planned to meet up with a chic at a restaurant. As I walked in restaurant she was texting me that she was there. I look up at a bigger funky looking woman with blonde hair texting on on her phone and she looked at me and smiled. I was thinking oh NO that can't be her, my gut sunk and all of a sudden I get a tap on my shoulder and I turn around to this knock out blonde who smiles and says hello. That was a cool moment from oh NO to hell yeah and I hung out with that chic for 6months.

Online dating has it's moments


Hah.

Bertha had her eye on you.

Pasta Little Brioni 08-18-2015 07:17 AM

That's a pretty creative excuse....now the post disappeared lol


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